I am tired of life right now, oh don't get me wrong I'm not tired of living just tired of life. Two days ago well lets start before that, seven days ago I woke up with a headache so bad I spent the day in bed slept most of the day and night and the next day was the same till about 4pm then I felt a bit better and got up, the following day my ears started to hurt mostly my left ear so I got drops and started to treat them, then the headache came full force, it's not a full time headache, what I mean is depending on how I held my head that would either be fine or a sharp pain on the top of my head on the left side would feel like someone hammered a nail in my head so then I would have to grab my head and move it putting pressure with my hand on the spot seemed to help. Very soon after that happened I started to have pain in my armpits and it started to move towards my chest so my husband called an ambulance. Went to hospital they checked my vitals and decided I wasn't having a heart attack or stroke so put me in a chair in emerge and there I sat for two hours in pain moaning and groaning wishing I had just stayed home getting madder and madder by the minute, finally someone came and talked to me and asked for my name and I hear the lady say I found her, guess they forgot about me as usual. the nurse was so nice she was exhausted of course because Covid has taken over our hospital every floor, and as I was sitting in emergency more people were coming in and all of them had not been vaccinated and they were all sick, both my hubby and I have had our shots our choice but as I am sitting there in so much pain I start to get scared because more and more came in, I wore a mask and stayed away from people but still so scary. I also started to feel stupid coming in with what I had going on when all these other people had to be on oxygen, after what seemed like hours they took some blood gave me demoral and fluids and I sat and sat wishing I could just leave, I told them about my armpits and how much pain I was in and the top of my head but no one even looked at my head or armpits,, they decided it was a migraine and after the fluids were done they sent me home. It is now two days later and I still have a sore left ear, still sleeping with a heating pad on my head and my armpits and along the underside of my arms down to my elbows are still hurting not as bad mind you but still enough that I can't put deodorant on or wear a bra, I have started to put coconut oil in my pits and actually that seems to help a bit so I will keep doing that, ice on and off for headache and pits and heat for ear. This is the first day I have gotten out of bed besides to have a shower and change my sheets, drinking a shit load of water along with my armpits starting I ended up with the craps for two days that has stopped thank god and I managed to eat yesterday, so I have no idea what the hell is happening but a couple people are saying it's a reaction to the shot but can you have a reaction almost 3 weeks after? I don't know all I know is this last year I haven't slept through the night with all my anxiety and being scared of this world and my hubby's health just messed me up, well I have now made up for most of the time of sleep deprivation lol, I will try and stay up for a bit but it won't last want to have a shower, just doing that exhausts me back into bed but it's a start, it's not getting worse at least I have that and I am not as swollen, had to take all my rings off glad I did or they would have had to be cut off, pretty sure it's not a migraine but who knows at this point as long as it is starting to feel better each day I am fine, sure as heck am not going back to the hospital, I feel so bad for all the workers they are doing all they can on little to no sleep, so very sad world for so many and they say this will keep going for 3-5 years. One day at a time pray we all get through this but I already know some have not, everyone keeps saying we will have such a party when it is over, not me it will be a long time till I am going to feel like celebrating with all this loss around us.
Saturday, September 4, 2021
Do you ever get tired of life?
Thursday, March 11, 2021
Let's try this again
I have thought about trying to write again for awhile but I just haven't been in the right mind set to give it a go, it's been so long since I have been here seems like years. I am struggling right now with depression and I am so exhausted all the time, but everyone now a days is struggling with something, especially with covid, I am terrified all the time, I go to get grocery's and when I get home I want to pour bleach all over me lol but I don't of course but don't think that I haven't thought about it. I try to keep my mind off of things but it's hard when all you hear or read is about the virus, everyone has an opinion but no one seems to know what the hell they are talking about, so I stay away from just about everyone. My husband just got out of the hospital because of pneumonia and a fungal infection in his lungs, was in there for a week, seemed like a lot longer but that's cause I was so full of anxiety having him gone, then he comes home and two days later we are pissing each other off hahahahahaha back to normal around here. So much has happened since I last wrote, maybe I will try and write it all down but for today I think this is a good start, sure hope everyone is doing well and staying safe, will try and come back tomorrow and write more and who knows maybe I will get back in the swing of things again till then take care....