What is that smell?

So I came across a mix to help grow nails and make them stronger but omg what a smell lol, you take a clove of garlic minced, 3 Tbs of lemon juice add to some warm water, soak your nails for 20 min then you wash your nails and in another bowl you put olive oil and soak for another 10 min, do this for 7 day's and you should see growth, so I tried it last night and I was fine for the first fife min then the lemon got into a cut I had omg but I kept my fingers in cause I want nails damn it, so I wash my hands after and still they stink like crazy but I love garlic so I don't mind, then I soak in the oil and that feels good but they didn't say to wash your hands after so I just rinsed and then put on some oatmeal hand lotion well you can imagine the smell, my hubby came over and says hey what did you make it smells good hahahahaha he wasn't impressed at all, in the morning I woke to my nails feeling weird not bad weird just like they have hardening polish on so hey maybe it is doing what it is supposed to guess I will see in 6 more days. Xmas is over not a big deal for me we didn't do anything as usual every year I say I am going to put some money away for Xmas but it gets used before Xmas comes oh well we have our Xmas with our income tax that's when the fun comes but this year we are going to try and get a car so won't have a lot to spend but will be good to have a car that has lights again and a muffler lol, ours hasn't had one for almost 3 years. This sure isn't the life I thought I was going to have such a struggle but what the fuck right we have a home to live food and bills are now paid up so I am grateful for that more then I can say. I did manage to get my hubby some slippers for Xmas, he was so excited I laughed didn't tell him I got them from the dollar store who cares if they only last a couple months at that price I can get more later. I of course found out my kid isn't coming home for a few days, she said she can't afford it I totally understand that but really I wasn't getting my hopes up for it cause I expected this to happen well at least she is consistent hahahahaha. So for a treat I got some of those Xmas oranges that were in the discount bin just had 4 in a bag well I ate 2 about a week ago and thought hey I got away with eating them but four days later sores in my mouth and I still have a couple just so not worth it, sucks cause I love oranges what the hell is going on with my body every year something more gets added to the can't eat that list, if I had the money I would go see this doc in kelowna that reads your body and tells you what is going on, she has helped my brother many times but it costs to much who has eighty bucks to just spend on that. I got myself fife dollars of scratch cards for Xmas and won zip like every year, I think I won three bucks a few Xmas's ago, maybe next time I will go the the casino and spend it on the slot games, I played about seven years ago I spent about fife bucks and won eighty grabbed it and ran to the shoe store and got new sneakers hahahahaha my friend is like no keep playing ya no way I needed shoes and sometimes I do know to stop when the getting is good. Well I guess I should start my day it is 1pm already and I haven't done hardly anything yet, most exciting news today is I slept last night for I think seven hours straight, I know I am in shock sure hope this is the turning of being able to sleep again cause after three months of lack of sleep sure has taken a toll on my health, I totally understand how some have accidents or forget things I have been a mess for months but today I feel great so think I will go for a walk in the snow till I fall down and have to come back in hahahahaha. 

Bunny Fun

It's been a long time since I have wrote about my bunny's so I thought I would grace my page with bunny fun. As some already know I have 3 bunny's living with us, they have been in the house this winter because of my health being so bad right now I can't go out in the cold to much and also we can't afford to heat there barn, so both them and the doves are in for the winter and so far things are going well. Kirk has always been the one who does all the binking around and showing off but since they have been in the house Sammy has taken over, it's so cute to see the smallest bunny being in charge, it doesn't help that he is a lion head so way to cute to be tough but he makes do. Last night he mounted Ricey was the first time I have ever seen him do that she of course she just ignored him and I told him to stop and for once he listened to me, all my bunny's are fixed so this action wasn't for mating it was to show dominance and if I catch it happening I put a stop to it right away and if it continues I usually hold the bunny till it gives in to my dominance and then we are all good to go, but since I only have 3 left I don't step in because they settle it themselves but I still clap and say no just to put my two cents in hahahahha. My neighbor went and got 3 straw bales for her chickens and then found out they weren't going to work for her set up so gave them to me, it's helped me so much I can clean the litter side of there cage every three days and no smell at all, thankfully Sammy trained the others to use the one box so saves me for cleaning. The only problem is I am having a bit of trouble with the hay and straw being in the house, I have had a cough since they came in and it's not just from them my health has been very weak in the past three months so I of course catch everything floating around, and then my hubby gets it and I start to feel better then I get it back from him and around and around we go, so it hasn't been a very good winter for me at all, I hate being sick for Xmas but I knew it was coming because my body was starting to shut down but I just keep fighting nothing else I can do, I can't take any other meds because of the pills I am on already, can't take a antihistamine to help about all I can do is take extra vitamins and drink a lot of juice and that is were the lack of funds come in so what can you do. Hot tea with honey seems to help so I think I will go fix some for me and head to bed the more rest I can get the better, at least I have started to sleep six hours straight and some times I can go back to bed an hour later and sleep a couple more so that has made a huge improvement, thank goodness because tomorrow is cleaning day for cages maybe I will wear a mask and see if that helps.....

Very low day today

I had such a horrible night last night, I think I have hit my all time low today, I haven't been sleeping very well for a few months now and last night was my breaking point, yesterday I realized that I haven't been taking my pills I missed two days so I know that things are not good right now, last night my legs were jumping from restless legs so bad I tried 3 hot baths, ice rub and even pounded on my knee's to numb them cause I was so exhausted I needed to sleep so bad and all I could do is lay down and groan all night. I finally got so pissed off I took two sleeping pills and it still took me an hour of jumping legs to fall asleep so today I am a mess, been crying all day and can't do anything because I start something and forget what the hell I was doing. I have tried 4 times to write just all this and think I better give up because it is hurting my head to much, think I will maybe just go back to bed and sleep as much as I can at this point if I don't get some sleep I will be in the hospital cause I can't take anymore of this crap.

Wonderful just fricken wonderful !!!!!

Here I am having actually a good day a bit tired from yet lack of sleep but moods are good so I have been getting some Xmas stuff done, picked up a couple small gifts for hubby not a lot yet for him but something and I also got my kid a gift just in case she does show up, now I just have to wrap and put them under the tree but will do that tomorrow morning because tonight I am working on my book so things are going good, till wait for it, it can't be, your kidding right? I can hear a motor from a large truck sounds like it is just outside our door I thought oh next door is having a package delivered so expected it to go away soon, ten min later it is still running so I go and have a look to see if someone is stuck or what the heck is going on, and guess what it is, it's a city truck at our entrance driveway because the city's water line they just put in 2 years ago blew, flood after flood of water comes running down into our lot and makes a wonderful ice rink in the driveway, thank god it's not at our end but still a bummer for the others, so I get a phone call and one of the people from that end went and got some de icer and charged it to grounds, that's cool sounds great to me but the reason they called me is because they wanted me to go throw it on the ground? I am like you have got to be kidding me they went and picked up 2 bags of the stuff but can't walk the 7 steps to the end of there carport and throw it on the ground? needless to say I didn't call them back so they called one of the guy's who lives here to go over and do it, I am all about helping everyone and I do more then my share but come on people that's what a co-op is all about putting your time in and taking care of the small stuff and why can't the 6 unit's at that end go out and spread it along there carports why do I have to walk down there and do it, I do spread salt or whatever we get at our end for the 7 unit's and I don't mind cause I am doing my carport so why not cover the others but just because I am head of grounds doesn't mean I have to wrap myself in warm clothes walk across all that ice to get to the carport that has the de icer in it and throw it on the ground, give me a friggen break. Most of the reason I didn't go and do it is because everyone here has been told that I am not dealing with co-op stuff for the next 2 months, there are 4 other people on grounds who have said not to bother me to call them because I need a break, if it was fall or summer time I probably would go and do it right away cause I like to help out but it's winter my hair was wet from the shower I just had and I was in a dress so no, no I will not stop doing what I was busy doing and run to throw some crap on the ground hahahahahaha. I plan on going to the next general meeting first one I have been to in awhile, I skipped 4 meetings cause I couldn't deal with shit so I am sure there will be some words fly my way, oh well shit happens. Well I guess I better get working on my book before I get out of the mood,,,,,chowwwww

Remember that roller coaster I was talking about?

hahahaha well today everything is roses, did I not say that would be the reaction I would get and yup after work he went food shopping came home with a load of food and was happy as shit lol, oh well that is a lot better then being a complete ass like yesterday. We sat down and talked about the car shit and we decided he is going to just drive our old car till it dies and put the money away till income tax and then we will look for a new car at least then we will have about 2000.00 to spend so I hope we can find something good, anything is better then what we have now with no muffler or lights lol, oh well what can you do when you have nothing but it will work out at least that is what I keep telling myself and if it doesn't well that to will be something lol. Listening to Xmas songs, had Jimmy my lovebird out for a bit but he was stinky so I asked if he wanted a bath and he flew back to his cage and is now splashing around lol, I think he understands when I say you are stinky cause he gets all excited for a bath. So you can't tell but I just had to restart this computer again, I am sure the motherboard is going on this one also, just pisses me off this will be the second one to do that, granted this was given to me to use, it is not new but was doing fine then bam now it doesn't want to let me do anything without freezing on me, oh well I guess I will put a copy of my stuff on a card before I loose it all again, sounds like a plan not what I wanted to do tonight but oh well shit happens hahahahaha

Crap just crap

So I wasn't going to blog today because my whole day has been just fricken shitty as hell, the only thing good about it is I slept in but from the moment I woke up and went down stairs my whole day went to shit, something and I mean something huge crawled up my hubby's ass and put him in a foul mood all day and I almost considered grabbing a 2/4 and fixing the problem. Everyone has there bad days and that is fine but when you take it out on your better half that fricken pisses me off. I walked around on egg shells all day every time he spoke to me it was to be snippy and smart mouthed and just down right mean, so I spent most of my day in my office upstairs just to keep away from him. So my day was boring as hell I did get some stuff put away and did 3 loads of laundry big deal just so not happy today at all, and you know what pisses me off the most is he thinks he was being funny the way he was talking to me says he was joking around with me, ya right no thanks I would prefer to not have someone say things to make me feel like I am the stupid one and belittle me, and that is joking around, he is sleeping thank god at least now I can go downstairs if I want. I can't stand it when someone who is bitchy and knows they are bitchy takes it out on others I certainly didn't piss in his cornflakes so fuck off already.  I know why he is having a bad day, it's because we found out our car isn't worth fixing would cost to much but I looked all over and found a lot of cars that are going cheap right now but I am done asking him about it, I don't care if he doesn't care that he will have to walk to work in the cold. Tomorrow he will come home from work and I bet he will be in a good mood and act like all of this didn't happen just like a man, they get over crap like this in no time and woman take days to get over it, oh well this too will pass as they say. I am not looking forward to Xmas at all just will be another day around here, I miss my family at least they all call me so I get to talk to them but sure wish I could spend Xmas with all of them, I am not even sure I will be cooking anything just not in the mood to do anything probably because of today and maybe it will pass, I sure hope so but not counting on it......

Wow Snow Crazy lol

Well I was asking for it and the snow is on it's way, today I dug out our winter tires and yes i know I am late as hell to put them on but I have had a vacation from life in the past few months so back off dude hahahahaha  as you can tell I am in a cheeky mood today, so I got all the tires on my dolly and dragged my ass around the house grunting and groaning as I am pushing this crap through all this snow and laughing all the way as I am telling myself I told you you should have done this a month ago damn it hahahahaha  but  I made it to the carport, then I had this idea that I should pull out my electric snow plow and do some plowing, what a blast, I paid 25 cents for this plow about 4 or 5 years ago and it still works great, it's not for big jobs just sidewalks and clearing out the mounds the plow has put at the end of my carport and it works great I do 3 carports and I would do more but my cord only reaches that much lol. So today was good I had a good time clearing snow and it wasn't all that cold out earlier in the day but now it is getting closer to 4 pm and I can tell it is colder and I will have to go do another plow before it gets to much later or it will be to much to plow in the morning so I am trying to get off my ass and go do it but I have a cup of hot chocolate coffee infront of me and a warm sweater and sweats on 2 pairs of socks so I am so nice and warm  lol, oh well I better get doing it before my friend get's here to change our tires over. I am not sure what time he is coming over I hope it is not to late cause I hate to have him working in really cold weather, I should have had it done awhile ago but as I said shit happened with my health and the cat and stress, hubby said he had to glide through the intersection today on his way to work because he wasn't stopping so I guess it has to be done. He always worries about me driving in the snow but I have never had an accident and he has had 2 so I am not to worried about me, I worry more about all the other drivers and there stupid thing of  oh I have a huge truck so I can go faster and still stop on a dime ya right ass the faster you go the heavier the truck the farther you slide idiot. Okay I am going this is me off to plow I will come back and write some more as soon as my hands thaw hahahahahaha

Not sure about half and half

So haven't wrote for a bit it's been awhile since I have been able to sit long enough to write anything just because my nerves have been on the edge of a sharp knife the past week but today I am feeling a bit better not sure why but I am. Maybe it's because something happened and pissed me off so much I got furious and kind of blew up all over the house lol. Not going to write what happened let's just say that someone I know who lives for drama and when everything is running good turns around and causes shit just because they can decided to shit on my day thinking that because I haven't been up to par as they say that it would just pass on by me and I wouldn't react well they turned out to be a big mistake apparently I am feeling much better then I imagined so I kicked ass and put them in there spot, I will be damned if someone is going to take advantage of the fact that I have been stressed out and need a break for 2 months, there are people here that do dick all all year and nothing is said about them at all but let's pick on Shannon who is kind and soft spoken is stressed and maybe we can add to her stress and throw her over the edge, not going to happen damn it!!!!!!. So I called a meeting and I am so happy to say that others on my board are taking over and dealing with this person and I am to ignore everything for the next month, that sounds great to me lol. Why do people go looking for shit, I can't be the only person that shit usually comes looking for me lol, well file that and move on lol.  So I did get some exciting news and I am trying not to get over excited because just in case it doesn't happen but as of today so far its a go that my kid is coming home for Xmas and I am so excited to see her, she is coming alone can't bring the kids with her but that's okay it will be so good to just sit and talk to her alone, and she is going to do my hair while she is here lol, I haven't decided if I am going to let her cut my hair but she is going to streak it for sure so I am so excited for that, I haven't had anyone do anything to my hair for over 10 years, I have cut my own hair for about 18 years now and yes I used to be a  hairdresser and still cut my friends hair now and then but even I appreciate it when someone else pampers me. Chelsie is half way through hair school so not sure if I can trust her work as of yet to cut my hair lol, I know it's just hair it will grow back and with the meds that I am on my hair grows so stinking fast it's not funny. OMG I am having a chocolate craving, all of a sudden think I will take a second and grab some calcium before my legs start to jump  brb.....oh great no calcium well tums it is then at least I will get some from that, maybe go have some milk. So my other exciting news is the car goes in the shop on wed and has a muffler put on that has been traveling in out trunk for 2 years and the lights are getting fixed and maybe an oil change will see how it is, our car doesn't burn oil so it might be okay till spring, then after that I am hoping to have the tires changed over to our winter tires that should have been done a month ago just nothing gets done around here unless I do it myself, but I am looking forward to hearing what our mechanic has to say about the car I just hope he doesn't say it isn't worth fixing cause then we will be stuck cause we have no money for even a cheap car, but I am not getting ahead of myself we will deal with it when the time comes and not sooner, what will be will be hahahahahahaha K think I need to go watch a show for a bit and relax and get ready for bed and sleep yes that's right I said sleep plzzzzzzzzz.....

Were is my damn snow?

Come on it's almost the first and no snow yet, I hate the stuff on road and sidewalks but we need some for the kids to play in, some of my favorite times has been playing in snow, every year I struggle with depression at this time and you would think snow would be the set off to a bad state for me but nope I  am like a little kid as it is coming down, rain and snow is my favorite thing to walk in as long as it isn't to cold I don't like icicles in my nose hahahahahaha. Today I am listening to Xmas songs, I did manage to decorate a bit the last 2 nights didn't do to much because I can't find all my stuff I think my kid took a bunch with her or I may have given a lot away when I was having a bad time who knows all I know is I have squat to use anymore lol. I am thinking after the season is done I will see if anyone has some decorations they don't need, I might even try and make a few see how my moods go, sewing at this time is not always the best idea for me. So hubby calls me to make dinner so off I go it's easy just hamburger mashed potatoes and cram of mushroom soup so I am like thank god because I just spent 2 hours cleaning the kitchen and I am tired, well I guess when I went to stir the pot of hamburger I must have caught the switch with my shirt and turned it up to full so by the time I got back to the kitchen from the bathroom I could smell something and not a good thing hahahahaha good thing I showed up when I did so I could transfer most of the meat to another pot before burning all of it, it turned out good thank god but now I have a mess to clean up again hahaha  it never ends. I went and got a few food things today we only had 40 bucks for 2 weeks of food so going to be a lot of potatoes this week, thank god a friend of mine gave us some meat so we have a bit to get us through, plus I tried my bread maker out and made some bread that is so good, tomorrow I am going to try and make some buns, hubby wants some cinnamon buns so we shall see if he is good enough to earn them or not lol. I can tell it is 7pm cause I can hardly keep my eyes open ohhhh last night about 6:30pm I decided to go for a hot bath I just get in and relax and hubby comes in and says come to bed so I say okay I will try, then he says to me is the water hot? I'm like well ya I just filled the tub he says oh good I want to soak for a bit then get to bed after you have warmed it up hahahaha what an ass  so i go to bed sleep for about 15 min then I am awake again and get up and he heads to bed and says hey get to bed lol sorry hunny I am awake now and will be till probably 2am and yup I was. I am having trouble sleeping in our bed every time I climb in I still wait for our cat to come to bed so I have been sleeping on the couch, its comfortable but I do miss sleeping in a bed going to try tonight again I know I will get passed this it will just take some time but I have to admit I have looked at a few kitten pics lol, I wish I could have a share kitty like I did with my neighbor they fed and had litter for her and she just came and visited with me during the day or any time I was in the back yard, oh well I am still not ready to have another cat, everyone keeps telling me to get a dog and I would love to have a dog but if I can't afford a cat how can we afford a dog, I am considering looking into fostering a dog that way I don't have to pay for food and stuff just give it a loving home till it is adopted but if I get attached like I always do then I am stuck going through loss again so I think I will just keep going with my rabbit's and birds, I get a lot of love from them or at least they tolerate me hahahahahaha. Well I think I will go get ready for bed, tomorrow my plan is to work on my book till noon then maybe make some buns and clean the kitchen floor well that is the plan but things have a way of changing around here as fast as my moods take me....

What the hell I just woke up and noticed it is almost Dec

lmao  I know things have been difficult but I had no idea it was as bad as it has been till today when I looked at the date I almost shit myself, I mean we don't do much for Xmas we have a nice dinner and watch a xmas show and that is about it on the rare time we might share a gift but for the most part we haven't done gifts for the past 7 years just can't afford to we tend to splurge with our income tax and that is fine with me but I must admit I do miss opening something but I would rather have a nice dinner and maybe visit with some friends but this year I seem to be so far behind in time, so tonight I have been rocking out to Xmas music trying like crazy to get into the mood and I think it has helped I do feel a bit better tonight and I scared the hell out of me cause I decided to decorate tomorrow while hubby is at work and surprise him, he will be so happy cause it will show how hard I am trying to keep my moods up, I might even sneak down when he goes to bed and start lol I guess I needed to listen to music, I don't realize how much i have been missing till I turn it on and then it hits me like a ton of bricks. I have had music in my life all growing up I mean my mom was in a band and they practiced at our house so I was always around music so it is a big part of who I am I just forget now and then that part of who I am and man I miss me sometimes. Today I went to the dollar store for some tums and came home with a bunch of stuff hahahahaha well not a lot cause I have to watch my change right now but I got some sauce and noodles, a can of mushrooms small corn and black olives, I also got a can of something they call hearts not sure but I think I have had them before but for a buck I can try them again oh and some popcorn cause I have been craving it so much and after all that they didn't have any tums lol  so I went to the drug store and they had them on sale so was a good time had by me hahahahaha it doesn't take much to boost my moods, and I am so proud of me I put back the chocolate and candy I had in the cart and got 2 ears of corn on the cob instead hahahahaha. I have been making apple crisp but the apples I have just don't work for it they are way to tart so I think I will just compost them and splurge and go get some from the farm and instead I was thinking about the fact that the part I love with apple crisp is the crisp part so I am going to make some drop cookies instead, I am going to just put a bit of apple sauce I got from the dollar store and let me say it's a big jar and is the best I have ever had besides my mom's freshly made. I think I can figure it out will try a small batch and see if it works, not today I have had enough excitement for me today lol. Apple cider that is what I wish I had my neighbor makes the best ever and she put a bit of real cream on top it is to die for and I can't wait for her Xmas tea she will be having soon, she always has it every xmas and if no one say's they will come she just makes it just for me, I have said this before but I really do have terrific neighbors oh sure there are some I can do without but you always have some in a bunch I just choose to ignore them till I have to slap them hahahahaha no but really hahahaha. What I want to know is were is our snow? it better get here soon I sometimes hate it but there is nothing that will cheer me up more then going and watching the kids slide down our hill and crash into my fence hahahahaha, last year I even went for a couple slides not sure I will do that again this year but I might the kids have such a good laugh when I go down the hill makes us all laugh. I cleaned cages today the doves were happy cause they get to have a bath before I clean so they can splash and play, I usually just give them a sand bath in winter but this year I have been letting them bath once a week and they seem to be happier and smell batter hahahaha speaking of smelling, yesterday I had Jimmy out and he was flying around all upstairs like he owns the joint lol and when I sat down he came and had a chat with me and he always wants to snuggle for a few min so I leaned back in the chair and he came over and I laughed so hard when he got close to me I said to him Jimmy you stink wooweee you stink and he sneezed right at the perfect time hahahahaha was so funny I said you need a bath and as soon as I said that he flew back to his cage and called lol so I went and got him a bath and he splashed around for like 15 min he was having such a good time, both him and finches get a bath once a week and in between they splash there drinking water around but I guess I for got on friday so by sat he was ready to bath. Well my music is done I think I am going to go have a bath and drink my tea, tomorrow I have to rig up a notice for me to remember my pills cause I forgot to take them again this morning so I will have the computer tell me so I can get my shit together and take them, and I wonder why my moods are everywhere damn woman get it together hahahahahah...

I don't friggen know ?

Today was a I don't give a shit day, I was up and down more times then I can remember just way manic more then I have ever been but I did manage to sleep almost 2 hours in the tub this morning, what is it with laying in water I fall asleep so easy, I even tried a waterbed at one point but because I am a heavy person it just wasn't working for me and it sure didn't help me sleep so the tub seems to be were I have to go lol. My hubby doesn't like it but I have been doing it for so many years and haven't drown yet plus our tub is made for someone around a hundred pounds so if I want to have a soak I have to almost fill the tub and the safety drain kicks in if i fill to much. Tonight is our big AGM for the co-op that we have once a year and I decided I am not going just an added stress I don't need and nothing ever comes of the meeting it's all gooble goop to me with finances and stuff and they always have it at 6:30pm for once I wish we could do it on a sunday and earlier in the day I mean it's one sunday out of the year then I could probably make it but as it stands right now my pills kick in around 4:30pm and by then it's a waste of my time to try and focus cause it just won't happen so I am staying home besides I give so much to this place I am tired and well down right pissy about a few things so I need to take a break, being head of grounds winter is a good time for me to relax and work on just me so that is what I plan on doing. I know there is going to be at least one person here who is going to be mad that I didn't go and well that persons opinion about my life isn't something I give a damn about lol. I did drive to the gas station and got some drinks today it was so nice out with the sun shinning I spent some time just walking my yard and soaking it in, I am hoping tomorrow is going to be the same now that I can do a few things without hacking up a lung I might get some of my garden fixed up. Cleaned cages sure am happy I have all this straw this winter I can clean the rabbit litter box every 3 days and not having any smell way cheaper then doing shavings well a lot cheaper because my neighbor got 3 big bales for her chickens and then decided that shavings works better for her so she gave me all 3 bales was so nice of her I will have straw for a year to keep them clean. Some how one of my doves managed to get out of the cage this morning I think I found the hole she fell through so will see if she is out tomorrow, Jimmy my love bird sure told me she was out he was not happy about it at all he was like hey what the heck how come she is out and I am not lol. Well I think I am going to go lay down all of a sudden I am very tired and I have decided to sleep when the feeling hits for the next little while to catch up but only for 4 days after that I am going back to no naps and get back on track hope it works cause this girl is so tired it's not even funny anymore....

Better I guess

Things are starting to settle down here a bit, I have been very strong with not getting involved with anything and just working on myself my moods and health. I did manage to get a bit of sleep last night so today is the first day I don't feel like a fog is surrounding me, that has been great, I still have a ways to go but at least I am not a heap of crying mess all day lol. I have been working on our rabbit fund getting pictures and other stuff put together, it really is amazing when I look back and realize just how many rabbit's I have had in the last 6 years, people are calling me the crazy rabbit lady hahahahaha. I think I lost a bunch of pictures that were on an old hard drive sure wish I had them copied to my cloud so all I would have to do is download them again, for sure I am doing that from now on, it's nice that I can have all those pictures saved and not taking space on my computer love that for sure. Hubby brought me a Dr Pepper again only had half the small bottle today I don't like to drink pop all that much because of the sugar and cost I drink a lot of peppermint tea, I just take 3 tea bags of my decaff and put it in a jug of room temp water and that is what I drink all day I love it don't add sugar or anything else, I was given some decaff earls grey tea, I was so excited that is my favorite tea ever but I haven't had any for a long time because I did not know you can get decaff, so now I have one kind one day and the next day I switch lol, only I do put a little bit of raw sugar in the grey tea. I got some vanilla earl grey but it is not decaff and wow I am climbing the walls after having one cup of that stuff, I think the vanilla bothers me also way to jittery from that stuff. I was going to go to the dollar store today but just didn't happen was not a good day today very emotional so save it for another day, I don't need anything just wanted to get out but maybe my body just had other plans cause I for sure knew by noon that I wasn't going anywhere lol,  that's okay not a big deal just keeping everything low key for now but on a good note I have hardly coughed all day and my nose has not been running so maybe I am done with this cold, that would be great. I haven't looked into what the weather people say this winter is going to be like, I have a feeling we are in for a lot of snow actually I am surprised we don't have any as of yet but I am ready I figure the faster it comes the faster it will go away hahahahaha well that's a theory anyways. Well Hubby is snoring his head off so I think I will sneak down stairs and watch a show for an hour then head to bed I have given up trying to go to bed before 11pm just doesn't work plus the pop I am sure is not helping me to get sleepy hahahahaha....... 

Honest I feel like crap

All I can say is I am not enjoying anything right now, I know it's only been a couple days since our cat passed away so I am not surprised that I am having a hard time, I am trying to pick up my mood but I am just so damn tired and sad I just can't. With being sick and not sleeping at all I am lucky if I get 3 hours straight sleep all night but mostly I get an hour here and then an hour in the tub and then our sweetness passes on and man I have hit the bottom so hard, I am trying to be very careful because I have noticed yesterday and today that I have been very manic and if I don't get that under control it will take me to a very dark place so extra vitamins eating lots of garlic and pushing through but I do at times feel I am fighting a losing battle and want to give up, I need to sleep and not from 8am till 3pm like I did the other day I did feel better when I got up but then I couldn't sleep last night again and after 2 hot baths I said to hell with it and took a double dose of my sleeping aids just to shut down for a bit. I have and never will be a morning person well an early morning person I feel best when I wake up at 8am and start my day but that's not happening when I can't fall asleep till 5am arrrrgggggg, it's so frustrating and then I get pissy and work myself up and that helps no one for sure. I miss T.T. so much I haven't been able to sleep in our bed much because she always came and snuggled with me before I fell asleep I wonder if that is part of why I can't shut my head off and fall asleep, she used to calm me and get me so relaxed by the time she left the bed I would be just slipping away but now I lay there and toss and turn and can't stop thinking well let's say it's more like obsessing about stupid things in my head it's enough to drive anyone nuts. So I fight I fight with my head I fight with my body I fight with my hubby just about anything I can fight with right now to keep the anger strong enough to motivate me to do something just anything just to feel not so afraid of my depression taking over but how much can a person take. I have stepped away from Co-op stuff for a couple months I just have such a negative attitude about so much I just don't care and that's not a good place to be in around others so I hide in my house as much as I can, I did have to go get some grocery's yesterday was the fastest trip I have ever had just wanted to go in and grab my stuff and get home away from people, thankfully I didn't run into anyone I knew or at least no one approached me probably my face kind of said to stay the hell away from me, made it home and thought hey I did it but still didn't feel a spark of happy but it will come I know I am just having a ruff patch, the only good thing about having a ruff patch is my house will get some extra care that it needs I managed to vacuum yesterday believe it or not that was a big deal for me, tomorrow is cages to clean it will take me longer then it should but I do look forward to spending some time with my bunny's and letting Jimmy out to fly around and do what he thinks is helping me instead of making things harder hahahahahahaha  so there ya see I can find something to smile at even if it lasts for just a few seconds it's something. T.T. will be our last cat and that makes me sad and happy and unsure that I have made the right choice I guess we will see in time how it goes, I had to clean her dishes and litter box and put things away, if I could train a cat to use the toilet I would maybe consider having another one it's the litter that kills me and I have tried every kind out there they all seem to bother me the same and not only that is the reason part is because of money we just cant afford it, I have help with paying for my bird and rabbit food so that helps a lot and it's not that I don't like having a cat I just feel that because our finances have gone down so much if we can't afford to put some money away for emergency vet visits then I just don't think we should take the chance, now that being said I am not perfect and my moods tend to swing from season to season so who knows all I know is for right now we will not have a cat. So my plan for tonight is I am taking a full sleeping pill my prescribed one not the drug store kind and setting my alarm if I can get about 3 nights in a row of sleep that will make a huge difference so that is the plan but we all know how plans tend to go for me, all I can do is try or I could get hubby to knock me out hahahahaha ya lets try the first plan I think that sounds better to me hahahahaha....

Horrible night

Yesterday was so horrible for us, our cat has had some sores on her belly and I have been treating her and they seemed to be getting better 3 days ago but yesterday morning they spread out all over and so we needed to take her to the vet so friends of mine who T.T. used to live with came and drove her to my friend Anni who is a rescuer and has more knowledge about treatment for her and she will stay with her till tomorrow when she goes to the vets and then I will find out if she will have to be put to sleep or if there is a treatment that will heal her, so as you can imagine I am a mess, didn't sleep at all last night finally had a hot bath at 5am and slept in the tub for an hour and that is it been fighting a headache because of the stress and worry and can't eat so ya today has been difficult to say the least, I miss our baby so much I just want her to come home but I know that she is getting extra care with Anni and will see the vet sooner going with her then if I had to take her because of the cost, thank goodness I have the best friends ever to help me out with all of this because my anxiety and depression is so bad right now I couldn't even go with them to take her and I feel so lost, we have had many animals in our life 5 cats in all but you bond in different ways with each and every one of them but I must say that T.T. has been my life giver to me I have never had a cat so loving and such a wonderful friend, you second guess yourself when something like this happens you do all that you can do for them but still feel like you let them down but I know that I have done all that I can do so it's time to try something else I hope and pray that they can do something to save her but I am not counting on it, it's going to kill me if she has to be put down and we have decided that she is going to be our last cat I just can't handle doing the litter anymore and I am not the kind of person to have an outside cat I just don't believe in doing that it's just not for us so she will be our last and in a way it feels right that she is the last weird maybe but It's how I feel. All my cats have been my loves especially my first cat Skwert I miss her dearly so much every day but T.T. comes in a close second for sure, my life has been so blessed to have had her in it, a miracle would be so wonderful but I also will not wish for her to stay just for me. So I think today is going to be the longest day ever it's a good thing I don't have to go anywhere cause there is no way I could leave the house today I just want to crawl in a hole and hide till I get the news so life right now sucks the big one.....

Some Bunny Luv's You: Our Bunny's Fund page

Some Bunny Luv's You: Our Bunny's Fund page: https://www.youcaring.com/vernonrabbitrescue-691429 Thanks to everyone for all your help, any questions feel free to comment and I will ge...

Our Bunny's Fund page

https://www.youcaring.com/vernonrabbitrescue-691429

Thanks to everyone for all your help, any questions feel free to comment and I will get back to you asap. Thanks again...

How you doing?

I have decided I am done with this cold lol, wouldn't hat be great to just wake up and say okay that's enough done with that moving on now lol, last night was another sleepless night till I decided to go hack up a lung full of flem oh ya what fun that is, my hubby was like holly shit girl were did that come from lol, but it worked I had cleared enough from my throat so I could lay down and fall asleep so all's good till I wake and now my throat feels like razors so what do I do I make a ice coffee I mean come on let's just put all that flem right back were it belongs hahahaha oh well it tastes good so we will go with it. Yesterday I had to go to the dollar store cause hubby ate all my suckers so need a refill lol but as I was leaving I see a couple kids from the co-op looking at this bump in the lawn so I go to see what they are looking at and the smell as I start to walk over just about kills me if it wasn't for a leg and bones I wouldn't have known it was a deer, must have got hit by a car or something but what the hell it had to be laying there for a few days for it to be just bone why didn't anyone take care of it, I hope it was there for a few day or something came and ate it now that could be what happened because I did hear the coyote's howling very close last couple nights so there wouldn't be much left after they got into it poor thing, I didn't hear about an accident but who knows there are people who crash on our road all the time and manage to drive away, one time a truck went over the embankment at our place drove down into the driveway and left half there front end in the yard and drove off not only left part of there car they took a tree out on the way over I have no idea how they could drive after all that.  so I guess I could give an update on my bunny's since it has been a long time to chat about them. I right now have 3 bunny's,  Sam, Ricey and Kirk, they are all doing well Ricey is slowing down a bit this year but still can kick the boy's ass if she needs to, she is still the boss and makes sure they all know it lol. This winter I moved them in the house again, it's not the best set up but with the added expense of heating there enclosure and heating bowls plus heat lamps this is just way better for me and it's not like they are in a small cage I have put 3 large cages together for them so they each can spread out if they want to, that doesn't happen though they are always close together whatever Ricey wants they seem to do, just Kirk gets a bit bitchy at night cause he want's to run and bink lol so I take them out for a bit everyday and let them run in my bedroom for a bit, I am trying to think up a way to make an area for them to run in our storage room, if I can get a small piece of lino I can block off an area for them cause they are litter trained, I think I will work on that this weekend see what I can come up with, I don't want to work on it just yet because I am still not feeling great and for sure don't want to relapse again. Having 3 I have found is perfect for me I wouldn't want to have any more then that because it's a lot of work and I don't have as much energy as I used to, I can remember having 21 here on my back porch one year I have no idea how I managed to clean every day and take care of so many but it was such a great experience for me I learned so much in such a short amount of time, made my share of mistakes also but everyone survived so far lol. My book is slowly coming together this next week I will be getting some pictures ready to give my artist friend an idea of what I want I hope it all works out then I will need to publish and I still am not sure how I will go about doing that but as they say we will cross that bridge when I come to it. Laundry is done so I guess I should fold it and put it away cause I don't have a magic fairy that will come and do it for me darn it, now that might be a good idea for a book on a bunch of magic fairy's that come and do all the housework for you lol, ya I wish hahahahaha....

Wow I am still here lol

it's been a few days I know I have been fighting this cold so much I haven't been able to write or do anything, just making supper for us takes all my energy of the day then I have to lay down and rest for a bit but I must say I am feeling a bit better today, I managed to take the garbage out was a bit worried about the oh about 25 steps to the bin and then 25 back but I made it just had one cough attach that I had to stand and wait for my breath. I am fighting big time with sleep still and I think that is why I am not healing faster then I usually would, even a couple nights I took 2 of my melatonin pills and still the last 2 nights have been horrible tremors and groaning in my sleep so I know I am still fighting a fever at times but tonight I am going to have a hot bath right before bed and put my vic's on my feet and wrap them and climb into bed and damn it I am going to sleep lol. I need to sleep and it's not that I am having naps during the day I haven't been doing that at all I just am so exhausted at 7pm that I just go to bed and then I sleep till 9pm and then I am up till about 3am go to bed and sleep till 10am, so I am getting sleep but not resting because I can't stay asleep long enough to get proper rest, so I adjusted my meds again now I am taking 1 1/2 of my night time pills try that for a week and see how that goes but I think I may have to have my morning pills changed also, I wish I could just stay with my pills and not have to test the dose here and test it there, mostly it is spring and fall that I need to adjust them it's a pain in the ass but I will do it because I have no choice without the meds the voices come back and well a whole lot of hell breaks loose after that lol. When I was young I could get away with my mood swings but everyone knows me now so I don't get away with much anymore lol. I think I have a mouse in the damn house again, I just heard a squeak I hate it when they are upstairs oh well I will set some traps again. Our cat usually scares them to go down stairs but she is still fighting her infection so doesn't move all that well right now but her belly is healing finally, I started soaking her belly with peroxide on a rag every 3 days then I put this ointment I got and it is helping a lot thank god. I didn't think about trying that but I have been fighting a toothache and my friend told me to rinse my mouth with it and it will kill the pain and the infection and man does it work and fast and a bonus it is cleaning my teeth also lol. Here sit and it is just after 5pm but the time change it would be 6pm and I am already fighting sleep, just so frustrating as hell to want to sleep and have to fight to stay awake and then allow yourself to sleep and sleep if I am lucky 3 hours, I am glad wed is in a few days maybe I can go see my doc again, she only works wed and thursdays so kind of hard sometimes to see her but I adore the woman so much and she is the first doctor who understands and wants to help me and who also doesn't blame everything on my size. My diet has not been good also for the last 4 months I haven't had the foods I should be eating but we just can't afford anything right now so I am sure my diverticulitis is working over drive right now and actually I know it is cause I am having trouble again but what can you do not much right now. I am not the only one who struggles and I know that and I try to keep my moods up as much as I can but when I have a set back like my health or moods or a fight with hubby it knocks me on my ass and really I don't know what else to do. Hubby want's me to get a job and help with money and I totally understand what he is saying but I am scared all the time because I don't know if I will ever be able to work, he said something to me just the other day and I realized from what he said that he has no idea what I am going through and I am not sure he ever will because he still hasn't read my book I wrote about my life and I think that would explain a lot to him, but I also don't want to stay like this afraid to do anything plus it doesn't help that my disability doesn't give us any money because they say we make to much, they do pay for my pills and hubby's pills but you know your stuck because you need money am terrified to work might cause a separation because of stress and then the fact that I am sick and tired of saying I am sorry because of who I am, I mean how many times does a person have to say it till they have said it enough, so there you have it around and around I go, I have no idea what will happen and that scares me the most but like so many have said to me, not my hubby but others just throw these words off there lips and tell me to get over it, like because they have said it to me it has been validated and I will from that second on be all better and life will be perfect, ya right, you know I think that is what pisses me off the most and maybe that is a good thing because that means I am not comfortable with living like this the rest of my life, I think the day it doesn't piss me off will be a very dark day because then I will give up but until then I fight and I stress and go through all this emotional crap over and over till I get it right, and I sure wish I would get to that point sooner then later....

Sleep Tremors

Today is going to be a ruff day I have been having terrible sleep the last few weeks and last night was no different except from about 6am till I woke up around 10:30am I had sleep tremors, it's bad enough when I have them awake but when it starts to happen in my sleep I know things are going to be ruff for a bit. I am still fighting this damn cold and I think I have gotten worse this last two days because now my hubby also is sick with it and we seem to be passing it back and forth and it's not something I enjoy sharing lol. I did something very new to me this last week a friend of mine put gel nails on one hand, we couldn't do both because I had to come home before my body freaked out, I am glad that I have learned the signs now that let me know I am going to have a panic or tremors so it's best if I can just come home but we did or I should say she did manage to do the one hand but they didn't last I lost all the tips of the nails in like two days hahahaha  not her fault at all besides the fact she is just learning how to do them and has never done anyone else nails so I am sure if she wants to try again I would love to have all done but next time I will have to have mine a bit thicker so they don't bend and snap off. I haven't had nails ever till I was about ten my mom would trim mine all the time and then I started to bite them just like my mom used to bite hers so this was a trial time for me and I am glad we only did one hand so I could try it out and well I like it and will for sure have it done again if the opportunity comes again. Today at about 5pm my friend is coming to pick up his car, it's going to be sad for me hahahaha but sure was fun while I had it this last time. I sure would like to get a car like that one it is a Toyota Yaris and omg what fun, I love that you sit higher so I can see more all around me but for a small car it sure has a kick when you put it in gear it just wants to go, I don't drive fast anymore but I do like the kick to get going lol. Well I am going to have some hot tea and clean my office see if I can get these damn tremors to settle down I might even sew today, I just hope I won't have to fight this all day but if I have to I just keep in mind that the mess will be here another day so I don't have to get it all done at once, plus it is trick or treat night so I want to get myself together so I can watch a Stephen King show like I do every Halloween .

Fricken ass

So I have been sick for about a week now and today was our co-op's fall clean up and I couldn't go help and I was feeling bad about that but there is always enough leaves to rake in a few days so that is fine but then there is a knock on my door and one of the guy's who lives here stormed over and wanted to use the ride on to mow the back end of the lot and I said no it was voted on that only I would be using the mower and he flips out on me and well it was the worst time for that to happen not that there is a good time but right now I am so stressed out and my anxiety is on over drive so I took it very bad, he had a point the mower is the co-op's and he thinks all who want to learn how to drive it should be able to and now that I have a had a couple days to calm down I agree to a point, I still feel that it shouldn't be open to all using it because it's not necessary so I compromised and the two of us will share the job so if I am to sick to do the mow he will do it for me, so in the end we figured it out but it has taken me two days to calm down and get over the aggressive way he talked to me, I felt bullied into letting him use it and because I was sick I didn't have the strength to fight him on it, he did apologize to me and I do know that he didn't mean for me to feel bullied it is just in his nature that he approaches every conversation like a challenge, kind of I am man beat my chest and hear me roar lol, so I know that is part of who he is but that doesn't mean I will accept him talking to me like that and I flat our told him to his face that I didn't deserve to be talked to in that manner as tears were flowing from my face, and then I was even madder because I allowed him to get me worked up to cry about it instead of kicking his ass about his behavior. I detest the fact that I can't help but feel weak about myself because I am so afraid  of conflict now, I used to be able to be a complete bitch when I needed to be and now all I do is break down and cry and it sucks, I want to be the person who stands up for myself and be strong enough to not allow anyone treat me in that way or anyone else. Every year I feel myself  becoming less and less of who I am because of this damn anxiety and depression, it's like rolling down a hill in a cart and you want to stop but you have no damn breaks and I have no idea how to fix me so to speak, all I can do is keep pressing on and pray that I don't become so afraid of everything that I lock myself in my house away from the world, I get it why so many people give up I mean how long  can you fight your own body till you just don't want to do it anymore?  I have lost so much of me in the last few years but I am not ready to throw in the towel as of yet, thank god I have the Lanoue stubborn streak built in me very strong cause I am sure that is why I haven't given up I just damn it hate to let it win, so here I am fighting and thank god I do have some victories like in the last week I have drove my friends car to a town about 15 min away from my home and I made it I am still in shock I could do it because I haven't drove out of Vernon for over 4 years but I trust her car and I took all the steps I have to do to make it easier, not eat or drink before I went and so forth, she needed my help and she is always here for me so I just fought every nerve that kept telling me to stay home, I think it also helped that I just told myself if I get scared even if I am half way there I can turn around and come home and I did it but the bugger of it all is next week I may try to go again and I won't be able to it's so maddening as hell but who knows maybe I will be fine I just never know till I get in the car to go...

Eye's are running lava

Man I am  not feeling well, my eyes are burning and running and my head feels like a vise grip has a hold of me, not what I wanted to have this week or ever actually. I am not sure if it is allergy's or if i am getting sick, because of my meds I can't take anything without asking my doc first so guess I will have to go see her again if it doesn't settle down soon. I kind of wonder if it is the hay or straw for the rabbit's but I will give it a few more days then I will change there cage and go without straw for a week and see how that goes but I have an idea it is a cold coming because my throat feels funny and I have a cough , oh well guess I will have to lay around the house for a few days and take a break, that part of it I am happy to do because I have been running my self down the last week helping my friend get packed and ready to leave town, I would do it all again even if I do get sick because she has been here for me so many times when I needed help. Hubby brought food home for me today that was so nice of him I am very glad because I for sure don't want to stand and cook something and in fact I am heading to bed for a nap right after this, even with my glasses on my eyes are hurting from looking on the computer so I guess I will have to take a break from here as much as that pains me to think about lol. The tree's are turning and getting ready to shed there leaves, next weekend is our clean up not sure I will be well enough to go and help will have to see, I am not to worried about it because with all the work I do around the co-op all year I have put in my time by far. I hear my bed calling so will sign off and head to rst land for a bit....

Not great to well okay not bad

So for the last week I have been so busy helping a friend of mine re pack her one house because she is heading back to Mexico for the winter and the house may have sold so we have been organizing and packing sorting but mostly having such a good visit trying to get as much together time as we can to get me through the winter lol, I am sore and tired but it's a good tired, also helps that she gave me her car for the month for helping out so I have been having a blast driving her car, it's been fun driving to the house it is about 20 min away, been a long time since I have drove on the highway so was stressful but I did it and it feels good to accomplish that much. We have a bit more to pack up and then she will be off and I miss her already but for her health she has to go but it feels like forever before she will be coming back it's a good thing we have computers and the phone lol. Today it was wet and damp a bit of a chill so I was going to spend my day wrapped up with tea cause I have a bit of a cough and can feel that something is on it's way but then I have a knock on the door and I forgot it was our end of mortgage party for the co-op, so I got dressed up warm and went and I am glad I did, we had burgers,chili, veggies and cake was good I ate to much but was so good. they also set up a camp fire so we all sat around the fire and just chatted with everyone, it was nice but also sad for me because Pauline wasn't there to celebrate with us, it's been a year since she passed away and I still miss her so much, I got to bring the left over cake home hahahahaha like we need more cake good thing it is really sweet so we can't eat more then a small chunk lol. I am ready for bed but trying to stay up till 9pm really hope I sleep tonight last night I fell asleep at about 9 but was up at 11 and tossed and turned the rest of the night finally fell back to sleep by 5am and slept till noon, god I hate nights like that feels like I have slept the whole day away. Yesterday I went and got an apple core from the dollar store, what a good idea I got all the apples cored and sliced in half an hour instead of being 2 hours of cutting, so we have half a freezer of apples slices, we like to make muffins and apple crisp, I also make my rabbit's some apple cookies for a treat for them so was nice to be able to go pick most of the apples off the tree while my friend still owns them lol, there is probably enough for another huge box full but I don't have the space for them so the deer and the bear will enjoy the treats. I sure wish I could win the lottery and buy the house, they did such a great job of fixing it up but I guess I would have to buy a ticket to win and I keep forgetting lol. Well I think I will go fix some tea and do the dishes, oh I also am getting a dishwasher in a couple days it's a portable one and small but will be great to help me with my hands I have a hard time holding the pans and dishes to wash so will be nice to have less to worry about. Let's keep our fingers crossed that I sleep cause this girl does not do well on 3 hours of sleep I need more like 10 lol....

So the whirl wind of moods continue

Once again up till 4 am then slept till 10 but today I feel better, not sure if it is because of the ice coffee that I make, I cheat all I do is get instant coffee and add it to milk and I love it but this time I couldn't find decaff so it makes me a bit jittery but I got a lot done this morning because of it lol. It's okay once in a while but I have to be careful because of the crash that sometimes comes later. I have been sitting on the fence all day I was going to bring the doves inside today but of course it is sunny and nice today so I left them outside, really the longer they are outside the better because there winter cage is smaller so they don't get to fly so much but darn it the mice are eating me out of food lol, I hung there feed from the rafters so now they can't get to the bowl so they only get what the birds drop on the floor so that is helping but now they have decided the rabbit food is fare game, the buggers but my one rabbit does not like them in the bowl so he has been chasing them out, I hate to bring them in early but it will be nice to not be feeding all of them all winter. I was going to winterize the barn and let them stay out all winter but I just can't afford the stuff I need and plus they have to have way more food if they are outside so I figure for 3 months they can handle a smaller space. I do have a run set up in my big spare room so they still get to run around every 2nd day I kind of wish I could attach there cages to the run so they could run all the time but the mess would be way to much, at some point I would like to just set the spare room up for them but I have to cover the lower walls and put a different floor and right now I just don't have the funds but who knows I always have people giving me stuff for the brats so maybe I can work something out and if not it's not a huge deal because I have 3 large cages all connected for my 3 guy's so it's not like they don't have room I just like to spoil them all the time lol.. Yesterday I got my license waaahooo going without one for a couple months was horrible lol but I did save money cause I couldn't get to the dollar store so much. Funny thing is I didn't have a computer for 3 almost 4 months and I missed it so much but now thanks to my wonderful friends they gave me one I am back and I find I get so bored so fast and don't spend as much time on here as I used to but as the snow starts I am sure I will be back full force for a few months. I have started writing a new book it is called I am a stranger to myself, so far it is going well, I am hoping to write a book every winter it really helped me last year  to keep my mind on other things then my depression so I began again, I am amazed at the fact that I enjoy it so much, it's not something I thought I would stick with, I was sitting at the pharmacy and had a 20 min wait so I just started to write and away I go again. I have had my rabbit book edited and now I am working on getting the pictures done then I can start the publishing part not sure how well it will do but I know my family will support it so that is a start so who knows maybe this is what I should be doing wouldn't it be great if I could make some money also now that would be fantastic . The sun is out right now so I think I will run and get the bird feed I need and maybe I will grab some salad for me I think salad is going to be a great dinner....

P.S. I just read the part about the cages and run that is for the rabbit's not the doves hahahahaha

Blues are here

I have been struggling the past 2 weeks, as soon as the weather changes my mood changes and this year it has started early. Today I woke up tired and feel like I could go back to sleep for hours but I won't, yesterday I fell asleep on the couch about 3pm and slept till 5 and I had to struggle to wake up then and later as I tried to go to bed I couldn't sleep so I was up till 4am then hubby sent me to bed and I slept till 9 so sleep is just not happening again. I did finally go to my doctor this past weeks and I had no idea that I hadn't been to see her for a year, I was just going to the clinic and getting my pills really I though it had only been maybe 5 months so that tells you just how bad my head is again. Some days you just have to laugh just to get through like the other day friends of mine came over and I went to make them coffee and tea and put the water in the mug and in the micro and pushed start, then I heard a crackle and turned it off I forgot you can't put gold rimmed cups in there, just not thinking straight at all, not to mention we visited for about an hour and so many times I had to ask them to repeat what they said cause I kept drifting off, god I hate that, I am so lucky my friends understand and I am not trying to be rude. Talking is a hit and miss also, I will go to say something and blurt out the wrong word or mix up the letters in the word at least that is usually funny so I can laugh at that part. I guess in the last 2 months I have been under more stress then I thought I was. I have been dealing with the Ecap program getting everyone's applications in and emailing back and forth to first one girl then they fired her and now I am dealing with another guy who is way better and easier to deal with thank god but it has been hard to keep my head straight and not get stressed about it. To top it all off I am fighting with some of the people in the co-op just to get them to sign the papers, I mean what the hell is that? who wouldn't want a free furnace or fridge so they are pissing me off to say the least. On a good note the guy's came and put our new fan in and then came back a week later and put our new furnace in, it is amazing way stronger then the one we had and the house heats up so fast so that is wonderful, the only problem was I had a few panic attacks before they got here and had to spend most of the day in my room, all the noises had me jumping so was a difficult day for both days but thank goodness my hubby was home both days so he dealt with the guys. But I must say all the guy's who were here were fantastic to me they all understood and worked as fast as they could and did such a great job. I think the other reason I am having a ruff time is my period was very late again like almost 60 days I think so my moods have been crazy with that, I did adjust my meds to get ready for winter but I think I might have to adjust them again in a month see how things go in the next couple weeks. My blood pressure is fantastic right now so that is a good thing, I am trying to get some new shoes so I can start to work out again my knee's are very sore but I can't afford vitamins right now so that is a big part of it plus we have been eating shit food cause we didn't have any money to get better stuff so my insides are all inflamed again so very happy about that  NOT.  Good thing GST comes on friday so I can go get some fruit and my cereal I need, for some strange reason Dean and I eat a lot of salad in the winter that's great for me and we eat porridge a lot also so that gives me a lot of fiber and I love it. We have been getting frozen veggies and Dean gets the california mix but I am going to have to get something else because I'm not supposed to eat broccoli or cauliflower and the carrot's are to big and hard for me I just don't like them so I guess I will have to get up early and go get food with him this time and I hate food shopping. I have to get the rabbit's and the doves set up for winter also, I think the rabbit's are going to be in the living room this winter and the doves can be upstairs will have to see how it goes, it's kind of easier if they are all upstairs but not a lot of room to work with plus I don't have a cage for the doves yet so have no idea what I am going to do with them yet. So today I am moving things around and seeing if I can set stuff up that's the plan but we will see how far I get with my head not in the game lol....

I'm Back lol

well here I am still don't have a computer as of yet it is coming soon but Tim managed to fix my notebook thank god, it's been hell living without a computer, thank fully I have a key to the office so I can go and check my mail and stuff out there but what a pain in the ass having to leave the house but so far my notebook is doing great so back to writing and reading. The other day I had to go and get my pills filled and while I was sitting there waiting I started a new book so far I really like what I wrote so maybe I will have another book done. I also put another poem in a contest and I won so that was a great surprise won't find out if I win any cash for a couple months would be nice. Another huge thing happened the Ecap program came and put in our new fan and furnace this last week, was a huge deal for me, I am so grateful my hubby was off and home because I was a mess, I couldn't sleep the night before and to top it off I was sitting in my hubby's office watching a tv show and a mouse came wondering in so that made me even more upset so most of the day I spent in our bedroom cause I just couldn't deal with the noise and the smell but it is done now and I am so glad he turned it on to how how fast the house will heat up and wow does it have power, going to be a warm winter this year and cost will be way down also, hubby is excited about that part the most lol. He was so good he could see I was having anxiety so he said for me to go lay down I was amazed that I slept through the noise and funny thing is apparently Dean had a nap while Dave was working away lol. What a great bunch of guy's I was so full of anxiety but the two guys that came and put the fan in were so nice they put me at ease right away and they also got the job done in an hour and a half not 3 hours, said mine was the easiest job they have done as of yet so was good for both of us for sure. Funny because they said when they come back to put the other fans in at the co-op they are going to stop in and say hi lol, I sent in a very good report for all of them sure was nice to have people understand and be so patient with me. So tonight I was sitting watching tv and I hear the mouse trap snap so I go and have a look and he got away again but I could tell he got hurt, a few minutes later he comes walking out and just headed for the back door so I called Dean to come and catch him he put him in a container and I took him outside to set free that's when I found out he had lost an eye I cried just feel so horrible about it, but I can't have them in the house and I can't afford to get a humane trap think this will be with me for a few days the poor thing but damn it this is my house lol. I think I will go and write a couple pages before my notebook gets to warm to run but sure feel good to be back...

It's a very sad day in my world

So a few days ago I was writing more on my book and our computer just shut down, I tried and tried to start the damn thing and nothing so I asked my computer guy to have a look and the hard drive is fried arrrggggg, I have a small notebook that I use to read books and write sometimes so I have been using that till I can get the computer fixed, a couple days ago the damn notebook died so I am sitting in the office writing this and hoping no one catches me hahahahaha well it doesn't matter I won't get in shit but this so sucks big time, every time I want to check my mail I have to walk out here thank god I have this one available because I do a lot of co-op stuff on my computer. My comp guy will put one of my old hard drives in the comp and look at the notebook but the problem is I don't have a license anymore, this year on my birthday it expired and I don't have the money to get a new one and asking my hubby to drive me or to drop it off is like walking on glass with bare feet just not going to happen. So here I sit I am so fricken pissed that I didn't get a computer with the income tax but Dean's comp got fixed and so I thought I could wait another year so we could get caught up on bills and stuff but just my luck this happens lol. I will live there are way worse things that could happen but I sure miss being able to just go to my office and be on the computer from the comfort of my home. It's kind of funny but I have noticed that because I have to come out here to use the computer I hardly bother with it lol, if it's a hot day and it has been I am not going to come out here and roast in the office just to check my mail just not worth it. So I may be away for a few days pray for me hahahahaha no really I could use some good luck about now, ohhhhh I almost forgot a good friend of mine came over yesterday and gzve me his old computer to use till I can get mine going, I hooked it up and it wouldn't load I was like well that figures that's my luck, then I was talking to him and he says check to see if I left a game in and it is trying to boot from that, well sure enough it was, man did I feel like an idiot lol, so I have a computer to use for a bit but now I can't figure out how to get it hooked to the net lmao, it's been so long since I have had to do anything like that so I am trying to figure it out I may have to call telus to walk me through it lol, but I have said this before I have the best of friends that come to the rescue when I need them, I am hoping I can get Tim to pick up my computers from Dean's work and take them home and fix them cause I am ever so grateful for the use of this computer but I also am a bit worried what if something happens to it and I can replace all the pics and music and such, so I am stuck but for today I have so much to do in my yard I won't have time to worry about it till later tonight then we shall see if my brain kicks in to hook me up hahahahaha  don't count on it I won't hahahahahahaha

Ouch

So I have a ouchy ass lol, I got the new ride on mower here and had to test it out the last 2 days because the store I got it from asked me to do a test run and then comment after, so the mower is so cool I love how easy it is to drive, takes turns so much better then the last one we had and cuts the lawn perfectly, the only problem I have with it is the tires are so new that the bumps all over the yard I felt 3 times more and a couple hours after I was done I noticed that my back and legs and ass are very sore, I think I will have to get some kind of cushion for the seat till my body gets used to it, I am glad that I don't have to mow now for a while because there is no way I could go out and do more for the next week. The next thing I have to do is put the old mower up for sale as parts and get it out of here cause things tend to sit around here for a long period of time before anyone does anything about them. There are a couple people here that may want to buy it themselves to use and I all good about that cause whatever they mow I still get paid for the job lol. We also had the dump trailer here this weekend, I was thinking there wouldn't be all that much to put in but it was full in 15 min, so I asked if they can come and dump it and leave it here for the weekend, haven't heard from them and it is way to hot for me to go and check if they came or not. I am feeling not so good from being in the sun today so been in the house, I got a load of dishes from the trailer that someone was throwing away, got half washed but I can't stand any longer to wash more maybe tonight when it is cooler. I think I am going to go lay down and put my legs up for a bit I am a bit worried about how I am going to feel tomorrow, I would go have a hot soak but not sure I will be able to get up again. There is a mouse checking out my back porch little bugger I need to set my traps up again maybe tomorrow I will feel up to doing that. I got some sleeping aid from the dollar store took one the night before and woke up with a bit of a headache so didn't take any last night, might try tonight and see what happens and the mouse is back tapping my window has no effect now the little bugger are not afraid of anything tomorrow we will see who wins the fight lol....

Some Bunny Luv's You: I am so excited

Some Bunny Luv's You: I am so excited: So a few days ago I went to go use the ride on mower and clean up the front lawn, well I got almost done and there was a huge billow of smok...

I am so excited

So a few days ago I went to go use the ride on mower and clean up the front lawn, well I got almost done and there was a huge billow of smoke coming from the motor, scared the heck out of me so I turned it off and raised the blade, sat there wondering how the heck I was going to get back to the barn, after a few min I started the mower and it started so I very slowly drove to the barn and parked. Then the panic started, how the hell was I going to be able to mow 3acres of lawn, I sure as hell wasn't going to do it with the walking mower, so I started to look around for second hand mowers then I started to think about it and I just didn't want to get a second hand one not knowing what kind of trouble the other machine had so I did a search for a new one, I found one at a great price and easy to run, so now I had to convince the co-op to buy it.  did a phone servey asking everyone what they thought and I wasn't holding my breath but I explained that the old mower needs 4 new tires new blades and not sure what happened to the motor and I am still in shock but they voted yes, so I called Fishers Hardware and ordered  my new toy it will be here this Tuesday, I can hardly stand it I am so excited, it's like Xmas again lol.

Everyone is wanting to ride it and I said nope I will be the only one to have the keys they can use the old lawn mower lol. They are going to put the oil in and set it all up for me and delivering it to my house, I am like a kid in a candy store lol.  Not everyone knows it is coming I can't wait to see some of there faces when I go cut the lawn on Tuesday or Wed, I may have to wear head phones so I can ignore what they say lol. So that is my exciting news for this week, I have some more news but that is for another page for now I will just relish in the get my smile on mower hahahahaha....

Bunny fun

Today was hot how can I tell you ask well if you have own more then one rabbit you know that no matter what the temp is they will pile up together, so today I took some frozen water I keep in bottles and lay them in there water bowls for the birds and them and I had to laugh cause I went and looked in on them and all 3 are laying beside each other but surrounding the water bowls hahahahaha so you know it was a hot one. When it is this hot I exchange the bottles at least 2 times a day and also at about 3pm I go out and turn the water on and spray the roof and ground around the barn makes a big difference, I have had a lady in another property beside ours say to me I shouldn't be using the water for that but I said to her okay I will stop if you stop letting your kids run through the sprinkler for an hour during the day, you can guess she walked away in a huff lol, it's not like I am standing there and spraying for 10 min I just give it a fast spray and done, if it was to hot well let's face it the rabbit's don't care really but I worry when it gets to that point I bring them in the house for the day and let them out at night. I think back a few years ago when I had 21 rabbit's living on my porch for the winter lol we enclosed the porch and they had different heights of things to lay on and when I wanted to feed or give water all I had to do is open my living room window, they would even sit up on the ledge and peek in the window was way to funny, my hubby says to me I bet this is what fish feel like when people stare at them in there tank hahahahahaha. I will see if I have a picture brb,

The best thing about them being in my porch is I didn't have to drive anywhere to go clean there space, and the worst thing about having them home is I didn't have to drive somewhere to clean there space hahahahaha no but really it didn't take very long at all because we used a flooring so I could sweep it all up and huck it out the door lol. The best part is my neighbours dog who was a corgi her name was Candy just like my first bunny she would come and play with them, she was so good with them if they started to run and muck about she would place her paw on there head and lightly ruff and they would all settle down and come and lay all around her lol she had better control of them than I did.

I miss her so much she passed away almost 1 years ago in a fire we had here and not a day doesn't go by that I don't think about her because she was a huge part of my life, as soon as I went outside she would be at the gate and she would spend the day with me then when the kids got home from school she would go home, it was perfect I didn't have to pay for her food or upkeep just share in her love, I will never forget her well I will never forget any of my wonderful pets I have had, there are times I forget what there names were but I know what they looked like so I just go look at there pictures and the name comes. I have been helping with the Vernon Rabbit Rescue for a few years now at times it was really difficult work and I would get home have a shower put all my clothes in the washer because I couldn't just clean I had to visit with them all lol then I would have to have a nap after almost 4 hours of clean up but I wouldn't change the time and love I have had, for someone with depression and anxiety and also suffer from SAD the winter is very hard for me but having to make sure I got up and dressed everyday well some days I just put my sweats on over my pj's I mean I was in my own yard at this time lol, but everyday I had to go out to the porch and sweep check toys to make sure nothing got broke change the water and feed it gave me a purpose and I really needed that in my life because I was in a very dark place, so I can't say enough how grateful I am for meeting Maurie and working with her, it's been such a blessing when we first met I had no idea how much we would be in each others life, and even now for the past couple years we haven't had a bunny surrendered or had to trap any but we still get together not as often as I would like but that is because we go through a lot of the same problems but we do what we can do, at times I wish I had a scooter so when I felt like I could go visit I could just hop on a way I go, as embarrassing as I would feel with all my body sitting on a scooter I would endure it just to spend time with her. The book I wrote I should say we wrote because she started the story and I just added to it I guess that means if I make some cash selling it I might have to share hahahahaha but if I have any questions about something I want to put in the book I ask her and she almost always knows the answer, when a new rabbit came to be added to the stock I always let her do the job because I would be all nervous and my anxiety would hit the roof and she would take over and in no time had them all settled in, that's what 20 something years of experience can do. Well I think I will head to bed I am actually feeling tired tonight so hope to have a good sleep....

Some Bunny Luv's You: No Flipping Sleep for Me

Some Bunny Luv's You: No Flipping Sleep for Me: I am so tired it's not even funny my day has just began and I have already walked into a wall and stubbed my toe, I am in hell I tell ya...

No Flipping Sleep for Me

I am so tired it's not even funny my day has just began and I have already walked into a wall and stubbed my toe, I am in hell I tell ya lol, for 3 nights I have not been able to sleep again and last night I was fighting myself,  made myself go to bed at 2am and slept till 4am then I was up again dragging myself around wanting to sleep but couldn't at 8am I got pissed off and went for a hot bath and wouldn't you know it I slept in the tub till 10:30, I still feel yucky and want to sleep but I am going to try and stay up maybe I will be tired tonight. Half of the problem was it was to hot upstairs, Dean hates the fan on from the air but I didn't care I put it on after soaking my head in cold water, I am going to have to get a stand fan that is quiet for my side of the bed or sleep down stairs with the door open again, I lock the screen and leave it open and I sleep much better but we have had mice again in the house so I don't like that part, and just leaving the living room window open isn't enough but I guess I could put a fan in front of the window to blow the air in more, didn't think about that, I also could put our extra air in that window, I just don't like doing that because it heats up my porch so much and all my animal stuff gets sweaty and damp so maybe I will try the fan, I mean duuuhhhh  lol. Today is cloudy and not to bad it's a bit muggy but not to bad I am hoping the rain comes today then I don't have to water the garden lol. I guess I should try and do the dishes I think today I am going to be dragging my ass around and I hate days like that but at 5am I went and cleaned Dean's office game room what a pig sty just terrible no wonder we have mice garbage on the floor pop bottles everywhere, I know he has been working extra hours cause he misses the garbage bin and just leaves it till I get pissed and go clean it up lol must be nice wish I had someone who would do that for me.

I'm The Man lol Woman that is

I am so excited I can hardly stand it, last April we had the ECap program come and inspect our place and we found out that we qualify for there replacement furnace so they are coming within 2 weeks to do the final look and figure out what they are going to use plus in a year and a half they will be bringing me a new fridge because our will be 16 years old all for free. As I was talking to the lady I happened to mention that we were in the process of replacing 6 furnaces in our co-op and that we also have another co-op on the other side of town and they need furnaces also well everyone is going to freak out because they are going to replace all of them for free, plus if anyone has fridges needing to be replaced they will get done, I have called an emergency special meeting for tonight at 6:30 pm to tell everyone and I can hardly sit still I can't wait to see everyone's face, I will be in the good books for ever for this because I saved the co-op an amazing amount of money. I got applications for everyone to sign out and then I will send them to our representative Tina and we will be put on the priority list, so we may have a new furnace before winter this year along with everyone else, I am so glad I didn't listen to everyone and not apply they all said it wasn't worth it and they wouldn't do anything for us well I proved them all wrong and it feel amazing lol. Because we are a co-op we are put in a different bracket so even people who's income is higher will still get the work done because they are putting us all together and will adjust the total, so way cool, such a wonderful program that Hydro and Gas have done we will be sending them a huge thank you and the Ecap program also, such wonderful people to deal with and the inspector is amazing, he was told ahead of time before coming to our house about my anxiety and phobia and he made the visit so comfortable and fun I can't wait to see him again lol, you can tell these people love there job. Well I better get to sorting and putting things away I am getting rid of a bunch of stuff again feels so good to purge what I haven't used......

Some Bunny Luv's You: Wow more good news

Some Bunny Luv's You: Wow more good news: Hi all well at the meeting we had just the other night the co-op decided that we will replace 3 furnaces this year because of the rebate dea...

Wow more good news

Hi all well at the meeting we had just the other night the co-op decided that we will replace 3 furnaces this year because of the rebate deal they have on, in the mean time way back in May I had the ECap program come and inspect our furnace to see if they will replace ours for free and I haven't heard anything back so I thought I should call and ask what they decided, as of right now we have been accepted to have the furnace replaced by them but we have to have one more inspection done the final inspection and then we will find out when they will come and replace it, apparently they wait till there is 10 furnaces needing to be replaced before putting everyone on the schedule that is why I haven't heard from them as of yet but because I phoned and asked about it she checked to see how many they have and they are at seven so far, so she said she is going to call the head office tomorrow and see if she can set it for 7 instead of 10, I hope so that would be great, right now we have the final inspection guy coming within 2 weeks and as long as everything is a go we will have a new furnace for free but if they decide that we are not accepted we still are getting a new furnace just the co-op is paying for it so I am so excited to find out and next year our fridge will be 16 years old and they will call and bring us a brand new fridge for free amazing I know, and some of the people here said they wouldn't do anything for us well to bad for them you snooze you lose lol. Today we went and renewed our car insurance, we got to the shop and I was so happy because my friend Cindy was working there and she got to help us, we had a good chat and I am hoping to go visit her very soon so we can chat longer, Cindy used to live in our co-op and she used to work with my hubby and I at Chevron so we have known each other for a long time but because of my phobia's and depression I don't get to go see her hardly ever and she just lives like 10 min from me. There is a storm coming I think I have had a pressure headache all day, that would be great if it rains a bit more as long as the lightning stays away. I made my first phone call today with my computer, I have to wear a head set with a mic and then I can phone anywhere in Canada and the States at any time free using Skype, it's great worked just fine and this way our phone bill went from 4 bucks a month to 10 a month and it cost 40 a year for Skype will save us a lot and now I can call anytime long distance and not worry about the cost. After we got our insurance done we stopped at the gas station by our house and got some cold drinks, the poor guy working was having such a hard time because there air conditioner died, it was so hot in there I sure hope he doesn't get ill from it, we just went in a got our stuff and left and it was almost to much for me in that short of time, good thing he has lot's of cold drinks around him. Well I think I will go for now I am going to go have a nice cool bath and soak my feet, I usually have a bath every Sunday but I have been missing them because it's been so hot just jump in a cold shower and out but tonight I have the air on and I think I will enjoy the treat I might even put some bubbles lol......

Great News

What a great co-op meeting last night, hubby and I have been so worried about if we will be able to afford to live here after Sept because the mortgage is done and we didn't know if we could afford full rent so it's been very stressful to say the least, I have been waiting to find out about our subsidy how to apply what we need to do and last night I found out that CHF Canada will be keeping our subsidy amount the same as 2016 for our base amount, so what that means is we don't have to apply it will automatically be sent to us and the amount of subsidy that we got this year will be the same amount for next year and ongoing, if by chance someone else then who has subsidy at this moment needs it we just have to inform them and they will adjust our base amount, that is so fricken amazing and a load of stress off my back and not only us but our neighbours also, what a blessing for this to happen for everyone we all just took a huge breath at the meeting and smiled at each other cause really we have the best family here, it would be so devastating for us to have to move. Hubby is off to get some pop hope he brings me a drink surprise will have to wait and see. It's been almost 3 weeks since I have worked in the office, I had to take a break the office is almost done just a few organizing and it will be finished, it's been a long year of sorting and filing bitching and moaning lol but will be worth it in the end I hope. The meeting last night was a bit stressing for me, the person who was chairing the meeting was talking very fast and a bit panicky so by the end of the meeting my nerves were in an uproar, I don't mind a meeting that sales by and getting everything accomplished but when you have some one wanting to go at the speed of light just to get it done and over that is a bit to much for me to take, but it was a good meeting the best we have had in months so that makes up for it for sure.Hubby is back waahhooo I got a G2 my fav lol. Ohhhhhh I also got some other good news fortis gas is having a rebate for furnaces and 3 of us are getting new furnaces very soon. I haven't heard back from the ecap program if they are replacing our furnace or not so I called and left a message hope to hear back tomorrow on that but either way we are getting a new furnace before winter so I am so excited. We as the co-op are also applying for some grant money that has been made available to us and if that goes through we will also be getting new windows doors stucko  roofs and siding for our place, that will be amazing to have all that done I sure hope it happens will save all of us a lot more to have better windows and doors, I can't wait, the only draw back is having the work done I will have to move some things and depending on how much time and noise I may have to move the birds for a day or 2 and the cat oh my forgot about her well we will see what happens we may have to rent a room as long as they have a pool I am all good with that hahahahaha. Well I think I will get some more sewing done so far I have made 2 dresses a top and pants for Dean, I have 2 more pants to cut out for Dean then I am going to make myself some shorts so ta ta for now lol......