Well Crap on a Cracker

There are day's that sneak up on me and smack me in the face so hard, I don't know why I am surprised every time it happens, I mean I have got it finally in my head that my depression will be with me always but then I have a couple months of great moods and start to get my hopes up that just maybe this time it will pass me by and wham here I am, sitting in my office chair crying my eyes out stressing about life and such to the point that I just go back to bed and sleep cause that is the only place I can go and not have the anxiety follow, but I fight and I fight because I know if I sleep during the day I will not sleep at night, but today I couldn't handle it anymore so I went back to bed and slept for 2 hours, and why the hell is it so easy for me to sleep during the day and not at night what the hell is up with that? my moods are a bit better at least I am not blubbering all over the place but I still feel yucky, then I had a thought, what is the weather doing? so I go and have a look and I am wondering if a storm is coming cause sometimes I get like this before a storm, man I hope so only time will tell just what will happen, thankfully I have some years dealing with my depression so I know that if the elevator opens on the bottom floor tomorrow I just have to hold on because as soon as I get some more sunlight I will feel better and if it is yucky out tomorrow I will hook up my mood light. My family suffer big time with depression, I am not the only one who fights it every day as do so many other people, it amazes me to this day how many people just don't understand how it is so debilitating, I have one neighbor that believe it or not suffers with depression herself and she has the nerve to say to me get over it!!!
Isn't there always that one person in the bunch that has to be an ass, it's like it is in there day planner okay let's see how many times today I can be an ass lol, as you can imagine we don't get along I have no use for people like that and I have to say I am one of the people who get along with almost everyone I know, just 2 exceptions so I guess I am lucky, I have a friend who lives far away from me and she struggles with her friends, she does all the work we all know those kind of people, most would tell her to get rid of them but because I know how hard it is for her to meet people I told her to limit contact with them, before she calls or sees any of them just make sure she isn't looking for something out of there time just have a non commitment chat as I call them lol, and well it helped her big time now she knows who to call for support and who to call just to gab or catch up on the gossip lol. I love to gossip I won't lie, I am good at keeping secrets but I have gotten in the habit of asking if what the persons says to me is not to pass on lol especially in the co-op one neighbor might tell me something and want to also tell other neighbors about it so they come to me, that sounds terrible but what I mean is if it's a good day I am always outside working in my yard or working on the co-op's grounds and this is why I love my neighbors many times I am working on a project on the what we call common grounds area and most times a neighbor will come out and ask if they can help or they bring me a drink and take a break with me it's at that time that we have a good laugh and ask each other if there is news to pass on. This year will be different I think I hate to say it but I have to stop taking on the big jobs by myself anymore, my hands just can't handle all the work I get tired way faster and then I don't have any energy to do my own housework or garden, but I will still be doing some stuff I can't just sit and do nothing on a good day, just as long as I don't get heatstroke cause as soon as that happens I have to stay out of the sun for days, but I have already started drinking my peppermint tea and is it ever so good I am glad I saved it for summer time I enjoy it more this way. This year I am going to design a leg strap of some sort to hold my jug of tea and have it with me at all times, cause if I have to carry it I will put it down and walk away from it, I wonder if I can fit something on my tool belt, what a great idea, that's a plan tomorrow I am going to work on setting up my tool belt. So I already feel better cause I have a plan and some time's a girl just needs to vent, I heard something a few years ago that I totally believe and that is everyone has a dump truck that collects crap all the time and sometimes you have to unload it so it doesn't suffocate you, so this is me unloading hahahahahaha......

Another sleepless night

Here I sit at 1:14am I have been awake for an hour now, I went to bed early last night about 9:30 pm and crashed till midnight, its so frustrating because I took 2 Melatonin pills they are supposed to keep me asleep but apparently my body hasn't read the instructions lol. I have taken 3 days off from the office, I so needed the break but today I am planning on getting back at it, that's if I can get the key to go in, I used to have a key to the office but when they changed the locks they didn't give me one, kind of drives me crazy cause if I had a key I could get more done but there is no rush so I just have to be patient and that is not a word I would use for me lol. A couple of my friends came over yesterday for hair cuts was so nice to see them again, funny but we always seem to end up talking about computers and family 2 subjects I love so was a great visit. I also got a few tips to safe us some money so that is always a bonus. Well I think I will go watch some NCIS for a bit maybe make a hot tea and try and get some more sleep before my day begins or this girl will be a grumpy nag lol...

What a great day

Sun is shining birds are chirping irrigation water is turned on what more can I ask for hahahaha,  Today I planted some flowers and moved a few wanted to separate a couple cause they are getting out of control, the one's I moved won't probably flower this year but they still grow nice and full and tall greens so I am good with that. I added a lot of color this year so I hope they all or most bloom, also got my herbs going it's going to smell so good at my back door. This year I planted some garlic chives I was told to put them close to an entrance way to keep mesquites away so I am giving it a try, I also hang some wrist bands I get from the dollar store around the door and that seems to help. My chocolate mint is starting to grow I can't wait, this year I am giving some to a friend so she can start a bunch just want to give them a few more day's before I dig some out well don't have to dig just pull them. I decided to take the weekend off from the office I have been working so much this week so having 2 day's away will be so nice. I miss my kid today so much, I haven't heard from her since Xmas and I have no idea how she or the kids are doing but I am trying not to stress about it, she will call when she can, I have enough to worry about my own life let alone someone Else's lol, but today has been so wonderful got a bit of a tan lawn is mowed next I have the front yard flowers to deal with and I am set for a bit, most of all my plants are perennials so I don't have to worry to much but I transplanted a bunch from my neighbors yard when she passed away so wondering if they will make it this year, I hope so keeps a part of them with us, its been much better in the past couple months we are getting used to our new neighbors as I am sure they are doing with us, I thought it was going to be hard on me when she started to pull plants and move them but I am actually excited to see just what she will do with the yard, I think it makes it a bit easier to have a fresh start. Well I think I am going to go grab a tea and a book and go sit outside again for a bit, enjoy that sun as much as I can, soon I will be able to bring my notebook outside with me that might not be a good thing lol, then again it might hahahahaha.....