So the whirl wind of moods continue

Once again up till 4 am then slept till 10 but today I feel better, not sure if it is because of the ice coffee that I make, I cheat all I do is get instant coffee and add it to milk and I love it but this time I couldn't find decaff so it makes me a bit jittery but I got a lot done this morning because of it lol. It's okay once in a while but I have to be careful because of the crash that sometimes comes later. I have been sitting on the fence all day I was going to bring the doves inside today but of course it is sunny and nice today so I left them outside, really the longer they are outside the better because there winter cage is smaller so they don't get to fly so much but darn it the mice are eating me out of food lol, I hung there feed from the rafters so now they can't get to the bowl so they only get what the birds drop on the floor so that is helping but now they have decided the rabbit food is fare game, the buggers but my one rabbit does not like them in the bowl so he has been chasing them out, I hate to bring them in early but it will be nice to not be feeding all of them all winter. I was going to winterize the barn and let them stay out all winter but I just can't afford the stuff I need and plus they have to have way more food if they are outside so I figure for 3 months they can handle a smaller space. I do have a run set up in my big spare room so they still get to run around every 2nd day I kind of wish I could attach there cages to the run so they could run all the time but the mess would be way to much, at some point I would like to just set the spare room up for them but I have to cover the lower walls and put a different floor and right now I just don't have the funds but who knows I always have people giving me stuff for the brats so maybe I can work something out and if not it's not a huge deal because I have 3 large cages all connected for my 3 guy's so it's not like they don't have room I just like to spoil them all the time lol.. Yesterday I got my license waaahooo going without one for a couple months was horrible lol but I did save money cause I couldn't get to the dollar store so much. Funny thing is I didn't have a computer for 3 almost 4 months and I missed it so much but now thanks to my wonderful friends they gave me one I am back and I find I get so bored so fast and don't spend as much time on here as I used to but as the snow starts I am sure I will be back full force for a few months. I have started writing a new book it is called I am a stranger to myself, so far it is going well, I am hoping to write a book every winter it really helped me last year  to keep my mind on other things then my depression so I began again, I am amazed at the fact that I enjoy it so much, it's not something I thought I would stick with, I was sitting at the pharmacy and had a 20 min wait so I just started to write and away I go again. I have had my rabbit book edited and now I am working on getting the pictures done then I can start the publishing part not sure how well it will do but I know my family will support it so that is a start so who knows maybe this is what I should be doing wouldn't it be great if I could make some money also now that would be fantastic . The sun is out right now so I think I will run and get the bird feed I need and maybe I will grab some salad for me I think salad is going to be a great dinner....

P.S. I just read the part about the cages and run that is for the rabbit's not the doves hahahahaha

Blues are here

I have been struggling the past 2 weeks, as soon as the weather changes my mood changes and this year it has started early. Today I woke up tired and feel like I could go back to sleep for hours but I won't, yesterday I fell asleep on the couch about 3pm and slept till 5 and I had to struggle to wake up then and later as I tried to go to bed I couldn't sleep so I was up till 4am then hubby sent me to bed and I slept till 9 so sleep is just not happening again. I did finally go to my doctor this past weeks and I had no idea that I hadn't been to see her for a year, I was just going to the clinic and getting my pills really I though it had only been maybe 5 months so that tells you just how bad my head is again. Some days you just have to laugh just to get through like the other day friends of mine came over and I went to make them coffee and tea and put the water in the mug and in the micro and pushed start, then I heard a crackle and turned it off I forgot you can't put gold rimmed cups in there, just not thinking straight at all, not to mention we visited for about an hour and so many times I had to ask them to repeat what they said cause I kept drifting off, god I hate that, I am so lucky my friends understand and I am not trying to be rude. Talking is a hit and miss also, I will go to say something and blurt out the wrong word or mix up the letters in the word at least that is usually funny so I can laugh at that part. I guess in the last 2 months I have been under more stress then I thought I was. I have been dealing with the Ecap program getting everyone's applications in and emailing back and forth to first one girl then they fired her and now I am dealing with another guy who is way better and easier to deal with thank god but it has been hard to keep my head straight and not get stressed about it. To top it all off I am fighting with some of the people in the co-op just to get them to sign the papers, I mean what the hell is that? who wouldn't want a free furnace or fridge so they are pissing me off to say the least. On a good note the guy's came and put our new fan in and then came back a week later and put our new furnace in, it is amazing way stronger then the one we had and the house heats up so fast so that is wonderful, the only problem was I had a few panic attacks before they got here and had to spend most of the day in my room, all the noises had me jumping so was a difficult day for both days but thank goodness my hubby was home both days so he dealt with the guys. But I must say all the guy's who were here were fantastic to me they all understood and worked as fast as they could and did such a great job. I think the other reason I am having a ruff time is my period was very late again like almost 60 days I think so my moods have been crazy with that, I did adjust my meds to get ready for winter but I think I might have to adjust them again in a month see how things go in the next couple weeks. My blood pressure is fantastic right now so that is a good thing, I am trying to get some new shoes so I can start to work out again my knee's are very sore but I can't afford vitamins right now so that is a big part of it plus we have been eating shit food cause we didn't have any money to get better stuff so my insides are all inflamed again so very happy about that  NOT.  Good thing GST comes on friday so I can go get some fruit and my cereal I need, for some strange reason Dean and I eat a lot of salad in the winter that's great for me and we eat porridge a lot also so that gives me a lot of fiber and I love it. We have been getting frozen veggies and Dean gets the california mix but I am going to have to get something else because I'm not supposed to eat broccoli or cauliflower and the carrot's are to big and hard for me I just don't like them so I guess I will have to get up early and go get food with him this time and I hate food shopping. I have to get the rabbit's and the doves set up for winter also, I think the rabbit's are going to be in the living room this winter and the doves can be upstairs will have to see how it goes, it's kind of easier if they are all upstairs but not a lot of room to work with plus I don't have a cage for the doves yet so have no idea what I am going to do with them yet. So today I am moving things around and seeing if I can set stuff up that's the plan but we will see how far I get with my head not in the game lol....

I'm Back lol

well here I am still don't have a computer as of yet it is coming soon but Tim managed to fix my notebook thank god, it's been hell living without a computer, thank fully I have a key to the office so I can go and check my mail and stuff out there but what a pain in the ass having to leave the house but so far my notebook is doing great so back to writing and reading. The other day I had to go and get my pills filled and while I was sitting there waiting I started a new book so far I really like what I wrote so maybe I will have another book done. I also put another poem in a contest and I won so that was a great surprise won't find out if I win any cash for a couple months would be nice. Another huge thing happened the Ecap program came and put in our new fan and furnace this last week, was a huge deal for me, I am so grateful my hubby was off and home because I was a mess, I couldn't sleep the night before and to top it off I was sitting in my hubby's office watching a tv show and a mouse came wondering in so that made me even more upset so most of the day I spent in our bedroom cause I just couldn't deal with the noise and the smell but it is done now and I am so glad he turned it on to how how fast the house will heat up and wow does it have power, going to be a warm winter this year and cost will be way down also, hubby is excited about that part the most lol. He was so good he could see I was having anxiety so he said for me to go lay down I was amazed that I slept through the noise and funny thing is apparently Dean had a nap while Dave was working away lol. What a great bunch of guy's I was so full of anxiety but the two guys that came and put the fan in were so nice they put me at ease right away and they also got the job done in an hour and a half not 3 hours, said mine was the easiest job they have done as of yet so was good for both of us for sure. Funny because they said when they come back to put the other fans in at the co-op they are going to stop in and say hi lol, I sent in a very good report for all of them sure was nice to have people understand and be so patient with me. So tonight I was sitting watching tv and I hear the mouse trap snap so I go and have a look and he got away again but I could tell he got hurt, a few minutes later he comes walking out and just headed for the back door so I called Dean to come and catch him he put him in a container and I took him outside to set free that's when I found out he had lost an eye I cried just feel so horrible about it, but I can't have them in the house and I can't afford to get a humane trap think this will be with me for a few days the poor thing but damn it this is my house lol. I think I will go and write a couple pages before my notebook gets to warm to run but sure feel good to be back...