Need some therapy :-(

Hi, I know it has been a long time since I have been here, things have been pretty ruff for me in the last few months, with all of my hubby's medical stuff and my health I just haven't felt like writing anything, right now I just need to vent and I don't want to call anyone so here I am lol. So hubby recovered from the blood disorder thank goodness, I can't tell you how scared we were when that happened, it sure opened my eyes up to some things we need to think about like a will and directions as to who gets what if something happens to one of us, we still need to get some things done it's just been to hard to think about anything in the last 6 months. He was so excited to finally have the go ahead from the doctor to go back to work, I was nervous about him going back but he did fine, he worked all of four or five days and then the Thursday came and he left to walk to work because our car was not working got a block away from home and got hit by a car, thank goodness nothing was broken just tissue and muscle damage, well that is bad enough but it could have been so much worse. He had two weeks more off of work and then the doctor said he could go back to light duties at work, thank goodness we got the car fixed because if we didn't he wouldn't have been able to walk to work. So you can imagine how much stress we both have had to work through and I am still having a very hard time of it, doesn't help that it is the end of winter and I so need to be outside again but everyone told us that ICBC would be horrible and I thought I was prepared but I sure wasn't prepared for the phone call we had a couple days ago, you see our ass of an adjuster said that because the driver did not get a ticket form the police Dean is not going to get any money for lost wages or pain, basically he is saying it was Dean's fault? What the hell is up with that, Dean was in a crosswalk on a green light the driver did not have the turning blinking light and she turned and hit him, how the hell is that his fault? and to top it all off we didn't hear from ICBC for weeks and I called at the beginning of Jan and asked if we could get help with paying rent and the guy says you won't get any money till you close the claim, so basically my hubby gets hit by a car and we almost were going to have to live in our car because of it!!!!!!!  if it wasn't for family and the fantastic place that we live I don't know what we would have done, we didn't think EI was going to help us because Dean had only worked a few days, thankfully family helped us pay Jan rent and the wonderful place we live let us do payments for Feb rent and in the end we will pay Feb rent in a day because our income tax came in early, a bright light that we needed for sure. EI called and spoke to Dean and asked what happened and the guy was amazing he granted Dean a weeks pay so that got us some food he said to Dean that we had been through enough and he was soooooo right at that. I have been holding it together for the last 5 months well almost 6 months but unfortunately things have gotten a bit to much for me to deal with, it doesn't help that I have a meeting tomorrow evening at my house that is going to be very difficult to handle because of the subject the co-op has to discuss and I am so stressed out about it that I am having tremors and afraid to eat anything, I have been having food anxiety for the past 8 months from everything going on so this is no surprise but to keep my strength up for this very nerve racking meeting I will need to eat something, the only thing I have been able to eat is an apple with some cheese and a bit of peanut butter not great but at least something. Dean is so worried for me cause he has been seeing me downslide I have been trying to hide it from him but he sees it, I just keep telling myself that after this cut it with a knife stressful meeting is done I can try and eat again, well I had some pop today and a little bit of peanuts that was good and so far it has stayed down. I so want to cancel this meeting but I can't it's to important but sure wish it was at someone elses home but also if that happened I wouldn't be attending so I guess in some way this is good cause I have no choice but be there. I wish I could skip ahead 24 hours thank goodness I have some very understanding neigbours, they get that I am having a hard time and if it gets to much I can walk out of the room if I need to, what is so sad about this all is all of this stress and anxiety is because of one person who couldn't care less that she is making all of us feel this way, I just hope that I will have the strength and power to get through all this, I mean I will get through this I know I will I just don't want to show weakness to this person one little bit because she will take it as power and that I will not stand for in my home......

2019 began with a bang

HAPPY NEW YEAR  2019

So apparently the last 6 months are all about hubby lol, he recovered from the blood disorder thank goodness that is good news for sure, he can have a flair up at anytime so we just have to watch for signs. Then he got back to work for 4 days had two off and on the first day he was off our car died, I had no idea what was wrong all the lights and radio worked but when you tried to start the car nothing happened. It turns out our car alarm was on and draining the battery, see the fuse for the light pod that shows the alarm is on was blown so once we replaced the fuse we could see the lights going so got a new battery and then had to figure out how to turn the alarm off took a couple days to figure it out but got it done, in the meantime hubby had to walk to work because the car wasn't fixed yet so off he goes Thursday he gets home from work and says well I am tired but the walk wasn't that bad. Friday comes and he gets ready for work Set's off walking at 3:00 pm and phone rings at 3:15 pm it's my hubby and he tells me he just got hit by a car, well I freaked out of course was about to hang up and run to the end of the block but he tells me not to bother the ambulance is almost there and he will be gone by the time I got there, so off to the hospital he goes. That was the longest day ever because I got no news of what was going on and by 7pm I was ready to walk to the hospital so I called and turns out he was in a cab and on his way home. He has no broken bones just a lot of muscle and tissue damage thank god he didn't hit his head cause he rolled himself but still he was in and still is pain. It's been a week now and he is walking with a cane feeling a bit stronger everyday and the swelling of his chest, arms and leg has gone down. We are very glad that this is all that happened it could have been so much worse cause she threw him about 10 feet, but he is recovering very frustrated as heck because he just wants to get back to work but he is alive and that I am so grateful for even though he is driving me crazy being home basically for the last 6 months lol. I am doing okay mostly, being winter time my anxiety and depression is always high but I have had to much to do for him that I haven't had time to think, the last 3 days have been a bit harder because I have been able to sit and relax and think about stuff like how are we going to pay the bills? rent? food? and all the medical things he will need. We have talked to a lawyer to get an idea of what to do next but we haven't signed anything it's so damn hard to know what to do, I have some tell me talk to ICBC and then others saying don't talk to them get a lawyer, at this point as soon as I start talking about what to do my anxiety kicks in and I get nauseous and can't deal, so I have taken a break for the weekend and will start again on Monday trying to figure things out but if I could have one wish I sure would love it if someone would take this part on for me I just want to make sure my hubby is covered for whatever he needs and be fare also. So hopefully things will go better next week and this is also the last thing all year for hubby lol......

Great News

I am so happy and excited to say that my hubby's platelets are back up above 150, the best Xmas gift I could ask for, the next step is to go ask his doctor when he can go back to work and then off he goes. The hematologist said he will have this disorder for the rest of his life but that other people have had it and it has never shown up again, so we are hoping that is how it goes with Dean. He will have to be careful of lifting heavy things and if he has a bleeding nose that does not stop he will have to go to the hospital but we are trying not to think about that and just hope for the best, if it does come back then he will be on disability for the rest of his life, it will be hard but we will adjust. I am trying to get things set up for winter around here, today I am going to take a picture of our new siding and send an email to all my family cause they all want to see the new stuff lol, we as a co-op are very happy with the color and product. My doves are driving me crazy today I think it is a close the door and let them out for a bit day, they have wings clipped so they cant fly to much but they usually go and visit with the rabbit's for awhile, eat some of there food and drink there water hahahaha the rabbit's actually like them so that is a bonus, I can't let my lovebird out with them I am afraid he will bite them if he gets the chance so he comes out on his own, he also goes to see the rabbits and wants to be friends but his high pitch chirp doesn't make the rabbit's happy so they usually chase him out of there pen. Well I better get my butt in order I have to go to town today for a couple things, hope everyone is well  chat soon.....