Worry Worry Fret Fret lol

That was my song of the day, I have been sick all winter and I am so sick of being sick and I am also so fricken tired of comments about what to do to make myself not be sick, thank you to the people that get it but the others can go kiss my ass, telling me I need to go see a doctor and get help or take more vitamins or??????  really you really think I need all this advice shoved down my throat, for one my doctor is very aware of how things are going for me and she is doing everything she can to help me get passed the winter blues and depression, we changed my meds a bit to see if that will help shut my head off a bit so I can sleep more then 3 hours a night and we are keeping a good eye on my blood pressure cause it tends to go low when I am sick and that just makes it harder to get better and ya some days like yesterday all I can do is cry and feel sorry for myself have a pity party for an hour, I really don't think that is a big deal let me have my moments then I get passed it and start fighting again and guess what I am winning everyday I win just a bit more, I had a bit of a set back and my cough is back again but I managed to get through all of today without breaking down so booooyaaaaa to me lol. Oh brb have to go check on my brats..... they are all doing well the heat lamps are working fine so maybe tonight I will sleep I can hope. Anyways so one day at a time that is all I can work at I just get tired of  feeling like crap and you push and you push all that you can to make everyday just a bit better, you would think that by the time Feb hits every year I would get it that every year till about the middle of Feb I struggle because the sun is coming out more and the snow is melting and it's all I can do to be patient for planting my garden but every year and if I think about it as I get older I think it hits just a bit harder because my patience level is that much lower so I just need to shut the hell up and take a breath and relax a bit and stop getting over emotional about something that will pass in like a week or two damn it, get a hold of yourself  hahahaha, Today when I was hanging the heat lamps I got so excited because I could smell my winter onions already, see it doesn't take much to make me happy all I can think about is having some poached eggs with onion on toast, if my tummy agrees maybe tomorrow will have to see I managed to keep my supper down tonight thank god was touch and go for about an hour but I did it. You know what is so bad I could scream for a huge bowl of chocolate pudding hahahahaha when ever I am feeling like this I know it is because I need some calcium and iron so tomorrow I am making a batch of spinach and I can hardly wait, I would make it right now but I don't want to push my tummy it's been three days of just having a bit of apple and cheese was going to have soup but couldn't get passed opening it without belly flops so put that back, I need to get some lipton chicken noodle soup I can always eat that in a mug my favorite but I forgot to get some last time I went to get food, maybe I can sneak off to the store tomorrow not going to count on it cause I have no idea from day to day if I will be able to leave the house without being nauseous, so that's how my exciting life has been, I know can Yardley contain the excitement, tomorrow is bath day for the birds now that is a happy time something to look forward to.....  

Your Fricken Joking. Right?

So today I woke up and it was a nice day so I thought well let's go out and start getting the barn ready for the brats to move back outside, so before I can work on the inside I have to empty all the stuff I put in for the winter and find some place for them, took me a bit but I got it cleared, then the first project was to put a new poop shelf for the doves so they don't bomb the rabbit's lol, so took the old shelf down measured the new shelf material and cut it, then before I attach it to the cage I decided to fix the back wall I put a slit in the wire so the poop will roll down and land outside the cage then I can just rake behind the cage for clean up, after I cut the slit I realized that wasn't going to work so great cause the doves can push there way out, if I would have just cut some slits here and there that would have worked but no I got all gun ho and cut so what I did is took some string and weaved a line along the slit and that worked so got that done, next project was to build a hay holder I had an idea I just had to put some metal shelves together so got doing that, it worked great, attaching it to the wall was a pain in the ass had to hold one side up and attach the other side with a lot of swears I got it lol, then after it was attached I had to make a cover so the doves can't sit on top of the hay and poop all over it, began making that and my hubby comes outside and says hun were are you? I'm like hello the barn is open were do you think I am, then he says to me I am hungry, this is when I got pissed off I am like you have got to be fricken kidding me right, I am in the middle of all this and you want me to stop and make you something to eat? it's his day off and he has been sitting in front of his Xbox all fricken day and he can't get off his ass and make himself something, what the hell is up with that, so I said that's nice so he says so I guess you are not hungry I said I am in the middle of getting this done and I am not stopping while the weather is good for me to get it done, so he went to McDonald's, how fricken lazy can you be just amazes me some times just what he expects from me, I make sure he has supper ready after work and I do his laundry and clean his dishes and all that shit that apparently a wife is to do that isn't working, now I do agree I should do most of all that because I am home and he is working that is not a problem but I went yesterday and got us a lasagna for dinner and half was in the fridge so he could of just warmed that up to eat but he didn't want to bother doing that god what a poor baby to have to eat leftovers hahahahahaha so that's fine I heated it up and ate most of it myself cause did he bring me something home of course not arrrgggggg  sometimes I tell ya.... So I did manage to make a cover for the hay bin and I also made a cover for the rabbit's water bowl so the birds won't bath in it, swept and put some cleaning stuff ready to use, I want to put a couple holders for the dust pan and the scoops so they are attached to the wall and up out of the way till I need them. This year will be easier because I will have the water bowls so I can just use the hose and pour the water in from outside the cage. I also have the straw on a shelf but I might be changing that cause having two large bales in there takes up a lot of space I might make another hay holder and put it in that and I can just take what I need out and then refill as needed, at least this holder can be attached higher because I don't want the rabbit's pulling it out, will see what I can come up with later for now I am staying in the house cause I don't want to get cold I am still fighting a cough and a bit weak so will not push it and set myself back again, but I am very happy with what I got done today and I am that much closer to them going back out, that will be a very exciting day for all of us....... 

Let's get real

I haven't gotten dressed for a week hahahahaha I have been stuck in pjs I just didn't feel like putting clothes on when I was in and out of bed so much but tonight I had to throw on pants and a sweater to go check the mail but as soon as I got back in I put my pj's on lol, I am feeling a lot stronger today and I was able to eat supper so that was nice well I have been eating but just very little because as soon as I start to cough I throw up so been drinking my meal shakes. My kid called me last night and we had a good talk, she is going through some very difficult days and I wish I could help her more but she must handle this herself I just give support and love all I can do being so far away from her and the kids. I have some very exciting news that I am praying it all goes the way I want, my hubby might be getting a new job, he will still be doing the same thing just for a better company that respects and treat there employee's way better, he finds out next week, I sure hope it happens because work is very difficult for him, he might have to go back to evenings for awhile and it will be a lower wage but he will have full time hours again so actually he should be making about 50 to 60 bucks more then he is now so he is happy about that. And the other news is on monday evening we will be voting to renew the mortgage on our co-op and I am so stoked about it I can hardly wait, if the vote goes through which I am sure it will that means we will be starting construction in March getting the renovations done and I am so happy, I am also scared because I have no idea how I am going to move all our stuff around to get the flooring in but we will deal with that when I have to, the added bonus for this is that our subsidy will continue for  the time we have the second mortgage so I hope people vote yes, for me I don't care that we will have a mortgage to pay for how many more years, why would it matter to us we don't own our place after the mortgage is done we can never own our unit it has to stay a co-op so it's not like our rent went down after the first one was paid we still have to pay so what does it matter really, the idea of having the mortgage end was a good feeling sure but if we don't renew that means non of the repairs will get done till someone moves out and then we fix the unit, so for all of us that have been here for over ten years it kind of pissed us off that the new people are coming in to brand new places and here we sit with nothing being done, so I am going to voice how I feel and I hope it gives other something to think about. One of of units the lady has been here for 32 years so can you imagine how upsetting it is for her to live with old carpet and other things that should be done I can tell you right now I know I have her vote lol. So a few things going on I am feeling stronger in my emotions and depression my body knows that spring is coming and is starting to pep up again and I am so happy for that because it's been a very difficult winter for both of us and my animals are getting restless cause they know soon they will be outside again and able to run around a larger area and let me tell you the day can't come soon enough for me I will have my craft room back lol. Hope everyone is having good days looking forward to the day I can stand outside with my face to the sun again...