Some Bunny Luv's You: No Excuses

Some Bunny Luv's You: No Excuses: It's been so long since I wrote, I wish I could say it's because I was having an exciting adventure but alas nope just regular life ...

No Excuses

It's been so long since I wrote, I wish I could say it's because I was having an exciting adventure but alas nope just regular life with regular problems. I guess I have been hiding again it's not that I am depressed or angry I think I have been numb, after all that happened with my hubby, I just kind of went into a funk. I just didn't feel well anything oh sure I laughed and I cried but mostly I sat and got lost inside myself, I think I just needed to protect myself maybe my body knew I was sinking and just hung on to the edge for awhile and you know what I'm good with that. Today as of two min before coming here I guess I decided it is time to wake up again, oh I didn't just sit around I worked in my garden, built a cat run, built a new dove cage, extended the rabbit pen and purged about ten boxes of stuff, so I have been busy not sure why I feel like I was in a funk but I just do lol, a very productive funk. One thing that has been fantastic is I have had many visits with family well my nephew and niece but that's family is it not lol, it's been amazing to talk and visit what a blessing, I noticed that when they come to visit I can't stop talking hahahahaha I think I have craved family more than I even knew, it's hard when you can't travel and depend on people coming to see you, i don't complain about it cause I know everyone has things going on in there life but I sure do miss everyone. There is a family reunion next year and I am trying to figure out how I can get to it we will have to save up and either rent or borrow a camper van, something that has a bathroom in it to keep my anxiety away cause if I have a toilet along with me I won't panic about what if I need a bathroom cause just that will keep me from going, isn't that sad, but that is me and I either deal with it or go crazy trying to accept who I am. Well I am tired and Dean just woke up to get ready for work, he is working graveyard again, hate it but it is an easier shift for him so I keep my mouth shut and just make the cat sleep with me hahahahaha, who am I fooling she sleeps with whoever she damn well pleases hahahahha.

Need some therapy :-(

Hi, I know it has been a long time since I have been here, things have been pretty ruff for me in the last few months, with all of my hubby's medical stuff and my health I just haven't felt like writing anything, right now I just need to vent and I don't want to call anyone so here I am lol. So hubby recovered from the blood disorder thank goodness, I can't tell you how scared we were when that happened, it sure opened my eyes up to some things we need to think about like a will and directions as to who gets what if something happens to one of us, we still need to get some things done it's just been to hard to think about anything in the last 6 months. He was so excited to finally have the go ahead from the doctor to go back to work, I was nervous about him going back but he did fine, he worked all of four or five days and then the Thursday came and he left to walk to work because our car was not working got a block away from home and got hit by a car, thank goodness nothing was broken just tissue and muscle damage, well that is bad enough but it could have been so much worse. He had two weeks more off of work and then the doctor said he could go back to light duties at work, thank goodness we got the car fixed because if we didn't he wouldn't have been able to walk to work. So you can imagine how much stress we both have had to work through and I am still having a very hard time of it, doesn't help that it is the end of winter and I so need to be outside again but everyone told us that ICBC would be horrible and I thought I was prepared but I sure wasn't prepared for the phone call we had a couple days ago, you see our ass of an adjuster said that because the driver did not get a ticket form the police Dean is not going to get any money for lost wages or pain, basically he is saying it was Dean's fault? What the hell is up with that, Dean was in a crosswalk on a green light the driver did not have the turning blinking light and she turned and hit him, how the hell is that his fault? and to top it all off we didn't hear from ICBC for weeks and I called at the beginning of Jan and asked if we could get help with paying rent and the guy says you won't get any money till you close the claim, so basically my hubby gets hit by a car and we almost were going to have to live in our car because of it!!!!!!!  if it wasn't for family and the fantastic place that we live I don't know what we would have done, we didn't think EI was going to help us because Dean had only worked a few days, thankfully family helped us pay Jan rent and the wonderful place we live let us do payments for Feb rent and in the end we will pay Feb rent in a day because our income tax came in early, a bright light that we needed for sure. EI called and spoke to Dean and asked what happened and the guy was amazing he granted Dean a weeks pay so that got us some food he said to Dean that we had been through enough and he was soooooo right at that. I have been holding it together for the last 5 months well almost 6 months but unfortunately things have gotten a bit to much for me to deal with, it doesn't help that I have a meeting tomorrow evening at my house that is going to be very difficult to handle because of the subject the co-op has to discuss and I am so stressed out about it that I am having tremors and afraid to eat anything, I have been having food anxiety for the past 8 months from everything going on so this is no surprise but to keep my strength up for this very nerve racking meeting I will need to eat something, the only thing I have been able to eat is an apple with some cheese and a bit of peanut butter not great but at least something. Dean is so worried for me cause he has been seeing me downslide I have been trying to hide it from him but he sees it, I just keep telling myself that after this cut it with a knife stressful meeting is done I can try and eat again, well I had some pop today and a little bit of peanuts that was good and so far it has stayed down. I so want to cancel this meeting but I can't it's to important but sure wish it was at someone elses home but also if that happened I wouldn't be attending so I guess in some way this is good cause I have no choice but be there. I wish I could skip ahead 24 hours thank goodness I have some very understanding neigbours, they get that I am having a hard time and if it gets to much I can walk out of the room if I need to, what is so sad about this all is all of this stress and anxiety is because of one person who couldn't care less that she is making all of us feel this way, I just hope that I will have the strength and power to get through all this, I mean I will get through this I know I will I just don't want to show weakness to this person one little bit because she will take it as power and that I will not stand for in my home......