Dec

Wow very long time since I have wrote here, seems like so much has happened in my life but can only remember a bit, all my rabbit's are doing well I have , Jefferson, Lizzy, Marcus, Ricey, Harley, Deagan and Kirk short for Kirplunkathunk lol, this winter I moved the doves into the barn with them so I only had to heat one area and it seems to be working out great except I have to cover the doves at night or they will coo all night long because of the light from the heat lamps lol, I still have the budgies and finches in the house, had a lady who wanted to take them but it didn't work out, they are all getting old and I didn't want them to go to just anyone in case they just got tired of them and got rid of them so guess they are here till they aren't, This year I rescued a love bird called Jimmy, I was asked to take him cause some one had dropped him off and the person couldn't keep him, he was so skinny and in such a dirty cage I cried for him, got him home and washed all his things in his cage but I had to wean him from his cover because it was covered with nicotine, he went through withdrawal so bad but we made it through and he is doing great so good that I got him a girl friend wow that was a task in a half took them 4 months before they could be together, Jimmy was so attached to me he was not happy at all but I assume he got over that because they have laid 5 eggs lol, I will be pinning the eggs because there are so many lovebirds without homes and I won't be irresponsible and add more but very glad they are happy with each other. It is winter time here and my depression is just out of reach of me but so far I have held it off, pills seem to be working very good for me and I am happy to say that work has helped big time, I am still working at Chevron for 3 day's a week but have had a huge change that I never thought I would want but I have started to do the books and banking and I love it, I know shocked the heck out of me to lol, in the near future I will also be trained on the computer work and I can't wait. So life is going much better these days, I still have the most wonderful hubby who has more patience then a saint, he is a blessing every day to me. Oh I almost forgot we also have a cat  named Teto but I call her TT she has been another blessing and curse at the same time hahahaha  she is such a suck at night she will yell at me when it is time for bed and I have to go lay down with her for at least  10 min then she will go to her own bed and sleep that's all fine and dandy but while she snuggles with me she likes to rub her wet nose all over my chin and licks my face and if I turn my face away she will grab it with her paw and turn it back hahahaha after that she pushes her head under my chin into my neck and snores  I love her so much I put up with all of it, on a rare night she will climb into the bed and snuggle to my back and knead my back then she wraps her paw over my neck like a hug and will fall asleep, I tell ya she has brought so much to my life especially since I said no more cats after Skwert passed, now that is another story one I will try and write about in the next few day's,  Love and Light All.....

work

I worked for 9 years at the FarWest factory sewing I won't say that I loved the job ,liked it a lot but the people were the best part of the job, it's been many years now since I have worked at a job besides watching kids, which is the hardest job there is, I would say it's been about 7 years now maybe 8 that I have suffered from depression so bad that I just was terrified to go to work, sometimes I couldn't even leave the house, watching peoples kids full time was ok till they stopped paying me and treating me like crap and these were my friends, then I sat for another family that were the best people in the world to work for and I miss them dearly but it just got to much for me, my depression hit like a ten ton bat and knocked me out again for 4 months, it's so frustrating not being able to have control of your own life always feeling like a failure and a burden. I never know when it is going to hit just when I think I am doing fine them wham it hits and down I go for the count. Changed meds to see if that would help but all it did is set me bck cause it turned out I was allergic to the pills, so had to stop taking them and take another pill to help rid the allergy affects, now I am on 1 wellbutrin pill a day and that is all, seems to be working the panic attacks have stopped tremors have all but gone and the voices have settled down but here comes the hard part this week instead of just working sunday's I worked tuesday 9-5 wed 9-5 and thur 2-5 it's been hard mostly cause I am not used to the hours being on my feet that long and the stress of working the damn lotto machine is driving me crazy but here's the thing I am enjoying it, sure I had a panic attack the first morning and almost had one the next morning but I forced myself to go and do my best and all be darned I made it lol, I don't won't to jinx myself, the money will be so nice again just taking some stress from my hubby is worth it all, he is the biggest blessing I have ever had and feeling better about myself doesn't hurt either so I am going to play it day by day and see how it goes all I can do is give it my best shot but I sure do hope I can keep it together this time. This year just might have me back in the work field again not sewing but gas station not ex actually what I want to do but you know what to feel good enough to get out of the house and be with people again is all worth it...

Depression sucks

Hi well It's been like forever since I have been here a lot has happened with me and the bunny's. This winter was very hard on all of us I lost 2 rabbit's Oscar died from nemonia and Bunbun passed from cancer, was very difficult on me to say the least.  This winter my depression got the best of me big time, I lost my job and almost lost me, I was a nanny for a family with 2 kids who I love with all my heart, not sure what started my depression to kick in but it seldom needs a reason, I started to have major panic attachs again and couldn't sleep, the damn voices started about a month into it, way to much to write here but I got to the point that I just didn't trust myself to be home alone, thank goodness I have the best hubby in the world and he did all he could do to make me feel human lol, I ended up having to adjust my pills was on 2 welbutrin pills a day then doc added another pill to stop the tremors and the voices but I should of waitted to see my own doc cause she put me on the wrong pills instead of lowering the anxiety it raised it big time, I couldn't leave my house was so bad. Went back to my doc and had pills changed was doing better then got shingles and found out that I am alergic to the new pills, so I am now only taking one welbutrin pill a day and a anti alergic med to stop the itching and pain, not sure what will happen from here on out but my depression is back under control and am feeling much better about things just crossing my fingers it stays this way cause I don't know were to go from here. I tell you though if I didn't have my hubby and my pets  I wouldn't  have a clue were I would be they kept me busy and when I felt really bad I just went and sat with the bunny's or the birds and the love they give me held me through the bad times. I still am not able to work full time yet I am working one day a week at Chevron and I love it would like to have more hours there, I would so like to work from home doing computer things but so many scams out there don't have a clue what to look for. Today I am cleaning the barn and getting ready to drop off a couple doves to there new home, also looking for a new home for my budgies but I am so picky that may be difficult lol, well not sure if anyone will read this but if you do hope you and your family are well....