Shoot me now and call it a day!!!!!!

OMG what have I done well what haven't I done lol, yesterday was our co-op's spring clean up and I feel like I have been hit by a bus every part of me hurts and the parts of me that hurt hurt lol. My hands are swollen my feet are sore even my hair hurts well it itches from being in a pony tail all yesterday but man did we get a lot done. I would say that our clean ups are getting better and better because more people show up and everyone works so good together and the ones that don't work well with others didn't show up so all the better for us lol. We trimmed cedars down in height took a couple out and the guy's cut a bunch of branches and threw them in the chipper. We all worked a long day I worked from 9am till 3pm then I had to quit cause I started to feel yucky and of course I over did it so today I will be paying for it big time. I got no sleep last night all I did was grown and toss around so I am going to be a mess today but I can't wait to go walk around and see what everyone did, I am supposed to be helping a couple guy's lay some irrigation lines today but I might have to tell them to wait a couple days or I will just supervise cause this old girl has had it for sure.  I think I will go sit for a bit before going outside I am just not ready to start my day and I need some painkillers to kick in....

My life is not worth this stress

When we moved into our co-op I had no idea at all about all the rules and policies and for sure I had no idea  what kind of politics were going to be involved but I sure have my eyes open now and let me tell you I wish I could close them back up again. Because of privacy issues I can't write about it so all I can write is how it is affecting me. As most people who know anything about me have some idea how easy I fall into stress depression and anxiety, it's something I don't enjoy but have lived with for most of my life, so when I tell you that I am so stressed out that I am literately sick to my stomach I am not exaggerating. Today started off good I for the first time this season got to ride the lawn tractor and mowed the lawn, that was a blast, I forgot just how much fun that machine is, so I set out to do my job and then a ton of bricks of crap fell on me. You know when you have done something by the kindness and concern of your heart, something that no one asked you to do but you did for the protection of all involved and it back fires in your face, well that happened to me, this is not the first time this has happened to me, in the past I have done a few things that I thought were helpful and caring and unselfish and it has back fired on me, for example one of my friends was in the hospital giving birth to her son, I thought I would surprise her and I got some little bins for his dresser and put his socks in a bin in the drawer and his little booties in another, folded and got everything ready for her to come home to so everything would be right there and she didn't have to worry about finding things, I thought I was being a good friend and I did it with all the love and yes I was proud of myself to put myself out there and do something unselfish for someone and it blew up in my face, she got home and was mad because she misunderstood what I had done and thought my actions were saying that she wasn't a good mother because I didn't trust her to sort and fold her baby's clothes, I was devastated all I wanted was to show my love for her and her new son but I guess I overstepped myself, we of course talked about it years later and I explained my side and she felt so bad for thinking the worst of me but I also could see her side of it, well that is kind of what happened today not the same but the idea behind it is the same, and I am back to feeling reprimanded and made to feel like I overstepped and what I thought I was doing protecting our co-op was taken as if I was being secretive and breaking the rules. So here I sit feeling horrible and I have come to a decision and what I have decided makes me feel even worse but for the sake of my own self worth my health and anxiety I will be stepping down from certain parts of the co-op that I have very much enjoyed being a part of, as much as it hurts me to walk away I must do it. A huge part of me that I love about myself is the way I can give of myself to help others, I have so much joy in the act of helping and supporting others as much as I can, what I did I have thought about very hard and I still can't see how I was wrong if I had to do it all over I am fairly sure I would do the same thing again and maybe I am wrong maybe I should have just walked away and left all of us vulnerable to the possibility of some very bad things that could of happened but that is just not me, it's not who I want to be and if that is what is expected of me then I need to step away, I can't and will not accept that kid of behavior from me, I just couldn't live with myself.....      

The Story of My Rock

Good day I wanted to tell you all a story about my rock, it all started about 6 years ago, every winter I wear the same winter coat and every year I manage to forget about this small rock I have in my one pocket, so the first time I put my winter coat on and put my hands in the pockets I find this small rock, for years I have never known were this rock came from and for years I find it in my pocket and for some strange reason I never throw it away, so there it sits all through spring summer and fall hiding in it's spot waiting for winter to come and take it on a walk around town lol. So I have been telling a few people about this rock  and most people think just throw it away and some think I am crazier then a loon for keeping it but no one has owned up to putting it in my pocket. It's not a special rock well it's special to me but it's just a small brown rock that I carry around with me every year. So this year I went to put my jacket away for the season and checked on my rock and yup there it was all tucked in. I was talking to my neighbor about it and she said what does it look like and I said it looks like a rabbit turd and we laughed and laughed till I had to go get it and show her and at that very moment I remembered were the rock came from, many years ago when I first started to work for the rabbit rescue I met a lady who was running the rescue and had been doing so for many years, we have become the best of friends and have shared many laughs together, we were on our way to go clean the rabbit habitat and on the floor of her car was this rock and she said something like you have to keep this rock because it looks like rabbit poop and we laughed so hard and I put it in my pocket and there it has been for many years. What is so strange is I knew this silly rock had some meaning or reason I have kept it for so long but I couldn't remember why and all I had to to was tell my neighbor what it looked like and the memory hit me like a ton of bricks hahahahahaha so my little rock has gone back to it's pocket I thought about putting it in my purse but then I thought nope it belongs in my winter coat for on those cold and dark days I can reach in my pocket and smile and remember thanks to Maurie I now carry around a little rabbit turd rock hahahahahahaha.

So it's been a few days since I posted this story and for the last day I have had a very difficult time because of someone extremely rude causing so much turmoil were I live that I had to come back and read it again, I defiantly think this will be the go to story that will make me laugh and smile even if it's just for a while... 

Pruning plumb tree's

Okay I have done it again the first sign of warmer weather and I have worn myself out already lol. I have 4 small plumb trees and 2 large plumb tree's I prune every year, the three small ones all I had to do is trim off the suckers and shape just a bit the forth one was a bigger job because last year I waited to long to trim and didn't have time to finish so this year I started early, I had one of my neighbors help me with one of the big tree's it needed some chainsaw action and I am not able to stand on a ladder and use a chainsaw anymore so was very nice to get the help and the last tree I did yesterday by myself and cleaned up the branches today. Very happy it is done but my arms and body hurt big time, think I will be taking a few days off before starting on my garden. I am not feeling very good today actually haven't been feeling so good the last four days, I have been drinking Kifer and I am wondering if I am drinking to much think I will skip a couple days and then try again, I would so like to make my own but I am scared to try, things like that I have to have someone show me how to do it before I will attempt it weird I am not like that with building stuff just with food. I so want to go to bed I already fell asleep in the tub for an hour I don't think I will be up past seven pm, I struggle so much with what I should do have a nap or just go to bed early maybe I will go outside for a bit and see if I wake up enough to make it till eight lol....