work

I worked for 9 years at the FarWest factory sewing I won't say that I loved the job ,liked it a lot but the people were the best part of the job, it's been many years now since I have worked at a job besides watching kids, which is the hardest job there is, I would say it's been about 7 years now maybe 8 that I have suffered from depression so bad that I just was terrified to go to work, sometimes I couldn't even leave the house, watching peoples kids full time was ok till they stopped paying me and treating me like crap and these were my friends, then I sat for another family that were the best people in the world to work for and I miss them dearly but it just got to much for me, my depression hit like a ten ton bat and knocked me out again for 4 months, it's so frustrating not being able to have control of your own life always feeling like a failure and a burden. I never know when it is going to hit just when I think I am doing fine them wham it hits and down I go for the count. Changed meds to see if that would help but all it did is set me bck cause it turned out I was allergic to the pills, so had to stop taking them and take another pill to help rid the allergy affects, now I am on 1 wellbutrin pill a day and that is all, seems to be working the panic attacks have stopped tremors have all but gone and the voices have settled down but here comes the hard part this week instead of just working sunday's I worked tuesday 9-5 wed 9-5 and thur 2-5 it's been hard mostly cause I am not used to the hours being on my feet that long and the stress of working the damn lotto machine is driving me crazy but here's the thing I am enjoying it, sure I had a panic attack the first morning and almost had one the next morning but I forced myself to go and do my best and all be darned I made it lol, I don't won't to jinx myself, the money will be so nice again just taking some stress from my hubby is worth it all, he is the biggest blessing I have ever had and feeling better about myself doesn't hurt either so I am going to play it day by day and see how it goes all I can do is give it my best shot but I sure do hope I can keep it together this time. This year just might have me back in the work field again not sewing but gas station not ex actually what I want to do but you know what to feel good enough to get out of the house and be with people again is all worth it...