work

I worked for 9 years at the FarWest factory sewing I won't say that I loved the job ,liked it a lot but the people were the best part of the job, it's been many years now since I have worked at a job besides watching kids, which is the hardest job there is, I would say it's been about 7 years now maybe 8 that I have suffered from depression so bad that I just was terrified to go to work, sometimes I couldn't even leave the house, watching peoples kids full time was ok till they stopped paying me and treating me like crap and these were my friends, then I sat for another family that were the best people in the world to work for and I miss them dearly but it just got to much for me, my depression hit like a ten ton bat and knocked me out again for 4 months, it's so frustrating not being able to have control of your own life always feeling like a failure and a burden. I never know when it is going to hit just when I think I am doing fine them wham it hits and down I go for the count. Changed meds to see if that would help but all it did is set me bck cause it turned out I was allergic to the pills, so had to stop taking them and take another pill to help rid the allergy affects, now I am on 1 wellbutrin pill a day and that is all, seems to be working the panic attacks have stopped tremors have all but gone and the voices have settled down but here comes the hard part this week instead of just working sunday's I worked tuesday 9-5 wed 9-5 and thur 2-5 it's been hard mostly cause I am not used to the hours being on my feet that long and the stress of working the damn lotto machine is driving me crazy but here's the thing I am enjoying it, sure I had a panic attack the first morning and almost had one the next morning but I forced myself to go and do my best and all be darned I made it lol, I don't won't to jinx myself, the money will be so nice again just taking some stress from my hubby is worth it all, he is the biggest blessing I have ever had and feeling better about myself doesn't hurt either so I am going to play it day by day and see how it goes all I can do is give it my best shot but I sure do hope I can keep it together this time. This year just might have me back in the work field again not sewing but gas station not ex actually what I want to do but you know what to feel good enough to get out of the house and be with people again is all worth it...

Depression sucks

Hi well It's been like forever since I have been here a lot has happened with me and the bunny's. This winter was very hard on all of us I lost 2 rabbit's Oscar died from nemonia and Bunbun passed from cancer, was very difficult on me to say the least.  This winter my depression got the best of me big time, I lost my job and almost lost me, I was a nanny for a family with 2 kids who I love with all my heart, not sure what started my depression to kick in but it seldom needs a reason, I started to have major panic attachs again and couldn't sleep, the damn voices started about a month into it, way to much to write here but I got to the point that I just didn't trust myself to be home alone, thank goodness I have the best hubby in the world and he did all he could do to make me feel human lol, I ended up having to adjust my pills was on 2 welbutrin pills a day then doc added another pill to stop the tremors and the voices but I should of waitted to see my own doc cause she put me on the wrong pills instead of lowering the anxiety it raised it big time, I couldn't leave my house was so bad. Went back to my doc and had pills changed was doing better then got shingles and found out that I am alergic to the new pills, so I am now only taking one welbutrin pill a day and a anti alergic med to stop the itching and pain, not sure what will happen from here on out but my depression is back under control and am feeling much better about things just crossing my fingers it stays this way cause I don't know were to go from here. I tell you though if I didn't have my hubby and my pets  I wouldn't  have a clue were I would be they kept me busy and when I felt really bad I just went and sat with the bunny's or the birds and the love they give me held me through the bad times. I still am not able to work full time yet I am working one day a week at Chevron and I love it would like to have more hours there, I would so like to work from home doing computer things but so many scams out there don't have a clue what to look for. Today I am cleaning the barn and getting ready to drop off a couple doves to there new home, also looking for a new home for my budgies but I am so picky that may be difficult lol, well not sure if anyone will read this but if you do hope you and your family are well....