a bit better

I had a shower wahoo lol, I do feel a bit better today at least I am able to shower and get dressed, had to sit for a bit after getting dressed but feel way better when I have clean hair. Today I am going to let my dove fly, I just let the younger one fly called little fart, mom and dad are getting up there and not as fast as they used to be so I keep them in but little fart I let out in the morning and he comes home at about 4 pm to let him back in, he has a bunch of friends that are doves I used to own sent them to a new home and the next summer they all got out and flew home it's a 3 hour drive to were they were I couldn't believe it when I went out and they all came to the yard lol, I haven't tried to catch them I just feed a bit when they come for a visit and then off they go again, they have been coming back home every spring for the last 2 years well maybe 3 counting this year, I am very glad they fend for themselves because there is over 20 of them with all there siblings hahahahaha.  I splurged a few days ago and got a Stephen King book called Finders Keepers  OMG it is so good I read it in a day and a half and I am going to re read it cause I read it so fast I don't want to miss out on something, I haven't read a book for about a year, I need new glasses and I haven't gone to get tested but this book has larger printing so I could read it with my glasses I have now, going to go get tested very soon cause I want to read more again I miss my Stephen lol.  Dean got home from work so I think I will go see how his day went and maybe go sit outside for a bit cause by the time I walk down all the stairs I will need to sit again but I just keep telling myself 3 more days and I will be free for another 30 days till the curse hits me again hahahahaha....

Sleep would be nice

I am cranky mad pissy bloated and just down right tired lol guess what time of the month it is lol, this week has been so bad, I have a short temper that is ready to rear it's ugly head at any moment, everyone is walking around on egg shells around me but this to will pass as they say. I am at that age were you are close to your period stopping and menopause is taking over more and more lol, I would really like to know who's idea it was for woman to go through all this crap, what exactly did she do to deserve this curse?  the worst part is I am 8 days late and no I am not pregnant lol wouldn't that just be great wait till I am 49 to have a kid OMG what a terrible thought lol. My mom had me late in life good thing she had my sister to help her cause I was not the easiest kid to raise. Well I would write more but my hubby needs me to check his back why he always has to do this when I am writing damn it lol....

Just words

So in the last few days I have spent a bit of time on facebook catching up on family and friends and getting all the gossip and don't get me wrong I love being on facebook and chatting with friends I haven't seen for a long time because they are so far away or because I have been anti social for a few years but I have found something from me that I wasn't aware of till just yesterday, the one thing about facebook is you have all these people voicing there opinion about a multitude of topics and I am just aware now of how much it all affects me, I have my own personal beliefs and I don't talk about what they are or voice them on anybody unless I am specifically asked to, but what has been happening to me is depending on what kind of mood I am in or what is happening around me at the time affects how I react to postings. there are so many different kinds of views on so many things but what annoys me is how some say they are not a bigot but then post things that prove they are, I am not perfect myself but I do try and keep an open mind about many things and I am all for a good conversation I just wish that I could not be as bothered by what others post, everyone is untitled to there own opinion free speech and all that. I guess I have made a decision for myself that I hope will help me avoid all this negative comments and judgment being lashed out, I have decided I am going to before opening my page  take stock of what I am feeling and what kind of mood I am in before I venture into this complex but sometimes wonderful world of Internet, it's a waste of my time and energy to allow myself to get dragged into the drama and negative attitudes and all the judgment of people around the world that some people think just because they have an opinion on a subject they feel they have to enforce it on everyone weather they are right or wrong. It's often so easy to go to the negative side instead of actually thinking about what the positive sides of some things are, like I said I have my idea's on issues of the world and I have voiced a few from time to time and some have agreed and some most defiantly not, and that's okay if everyone agreed about everything there ever was this world would have no color no substance no grit, so for me I think I will spend a little less time reading posts and concentrate on the positive, being that I have trouble with depression and anxiety I think it's a good idea to just not get myself involved, for sure I will fail from time to time because lets face it some days you just wake up looking for a good vent, I will always remember a friend telling me that everyone has a dump truck of crap they carry around with them and it's always good to let a bit fall to the ground to make room for new garbage or we will end up being one of those people that walk around with nothing but garbage inside us and I think well that is good advice as long as when you dump your truck you don't make the mistake of dumping it on anyone. But that is also my opinion and I am not saying I am right just that it is right for me. There is also a very nice button on facebook called unfriend, I think maybe in the next few months I will keep my eyes open to just what is being said it might be a hard but beneficial to me to unfriend some who just are made up of to much garbage and haven't emptied there truck for such  a long time........

Yaahhooo Sample day

lol well that was a nice surprise went and got the mail and had a sample package sitting there, I really wasn't expecting they would show up but guess I was wrong, I got a stir fry sauce, breath rite, a crystal drink of vitamins and the best I save for last is a Brookside dark chocolate bar with cranberry's and almonds I mean this day can't get any better then that lol, I of course already opened the bar and it is in my opinion the best bar I have ever had and the best part is I only had 2 slices and that's all I wanted so I have some for later today, that's if my hubby doesn't find it lol. I have gotten a few samples from different places and most have actually showed up but I will say that I am not sure it is worth it because of all the spam mail I have got afterwords but free is free. This last 3 months I have been getting a call from the income tax scam, they are pissing me off, I have informed the cops again and of course there isn't anything they can do but they are glad to have the info about it. Yesterday I got another call from some guy saying he is an officer and I am being charged with fraud etc, I let him say his spiel then I said thank you so much for calling me you see my husband is a cop so this conversation was recorded and would you like to add anything more to the recording and he hung up hahahahaahaha, I am not sure if this will be the last of calls but I had a good laugh afterwords, my hubby is most definitly not a cop but he was impressed with my idea lol. The plumber is coming today to fix the irrigation valve so we will be one step closer to getting water again, next the irrigation guy's will come and fix the leak and we will be good to go, I can't wait and my garden will be so happy again lol. I will be getting a check today for 2 mowing's and gas I paid for to mow every little bit helps, I was going to do it for free then one of the lady's on grounds said to me why would we pay someone one year and then not pay you this year and I was like hell ya why do it for free I do enough for free so I took a bit of a cut out of what we were paying the last guy because he did the mowing and weeding and I won't be doing the weeding for one thing I can't start the damn thing and another I can't carry it around it's to heavy for me so to be fare I lowered my price, its so much fun I love doing it but it still takes 3 hours to mow it all so I am worth it hahahahaha.  Well I better get back to cleaning my office and I have 2 dressers of clothes to go through yet so far I have taken a bag of my hubby's clothes out hahahahahahaha  so much for clearing out mine, all in good time I guess.......

Venting and I don't care

I need to bitch and so here I am lol cause I have no friends I want to in flicked with my mood lol, I work very hard for the co-op were I live and I am very proud of the work that I do so when someone says something so stupid to me I just can't take it every time. So we had our clean up and it went wonderfully and I made the comment that this year is the best year we have had for participation and work that the grounds committee has seen in years and someone I won't name had the nerve to tell me they work extra hard every year and every year is great, where the hell have they been living I want to know because this is the same person who has not showed up for clean up for over 5 years now and how would they know a difference if they haven't been here just pisses me off, some people have to flip there lips just because they can not having the facts or truth behind what they say just pisses me off, in the 14 years I have lived here we do a spring and fall clean up every year and I have missed once and every spring I usually get sick because of the heat do I stop coming noooo  because I am proud of living here and working the sat and Sunday with all my neighbors is so great it's a time when we get together for a positive purpose not to vent or have a meeting and this year we had burgers after and sat and had a visit, it's very hard work and even though I stand a chance of getting sick I show up in support of everyone who actually shows up and puts in there time. This last week I have had to deal with irrigation issues and plumbing I have booked a plumber and our irrigation company to come and fix our leak so that is great cause I am tired of lugging water to water my plants, so I get it that everyone wants the water going so do I but just because you bitch at me 3 days in a row doesn't mean I have any control on how fast the plumber can get here and do his work, I posted notices saying the water is turned off and why, I also said I would hand out notices to every one's door as soon as it is all fixed and ready to go, so some jackass comes to my yard and says to me when is the water going to be turned on, have you called the plumber or what? you see they saw the notice about the water issue and thought hey lets go and buy 15 pumpkin plants to plant today and then freak out because they have to lug water to the plants and it pissed them off, so they say to me well I am going to go turn the water back on and tries  to walk away from me, well that was it for me I have clashed to many times with this person to take anymore crap from them so I calmly said that if they go turn the water back on I will be calling the police and having them charged because it's not just that our irrigation has a leak we also have to have a backflow put in before we can turn the water on and if we turn it on and the city finds out it is on we will not only have all our water turned off we will be getting a very large fine and I said there is no way in hell that you are going to make grounds pay for your ignorance and I walked away. So far today the water is off but apparently they were seen heading towards the manhole and were told to back away, it's none of there business what so ever dealing with grounds issues they are not on the grounds committee and will never be on the grounds committee for the simple fact on there 3 day of living here came to me and told me what tree's they were going to cut down and what fruit tree's they were going to cut down and I said you picked the wrong person to say that to because I am head of grounds and none of that will be happening without prior consent and they had the nerve to say to me, it is easier to ask for forgiveness then permission, well that did it for me, who moves into a new place and within the first week has pissed off most of the neighbors. Granted as they have come to meetings and started to understand how things are done they have changed there attitude some what but apparently not enough aaaagggggggg.   Wow okay I feel a bit better, the smoke has almost left my air thanks to the neighbor burning and I got my bedroom all cleaned up next going through my clothes because I have more coming for me in a week or so, must make room lol. Think I will go sit have a freezy and chillax a bit before I tackle the next job which is the other closet full of my clothes hahahahahaha  someone will be getting some nice stuff, anything I haven't worn in 2 years is out of here, now if I could just get my hubby some shirts we both will be set lol...

Spring clean up

So our Co-op did it's spring clean up and was the best clean up we have had in many years, so many people came and worked very hard and it shows big time, I am very proud of everyone the only flaw in the day was I got heatstroke, I got so mad I did everything I could to not get sick but still hit me so I am stuck in the house for a few days, been drinking loads of my peppermint tea and that has helped big time. I wore a hat and kept water with me all day but working along the parking area did me in, one other lady who was working with me also got sick so I said next year the Co-op is going to buy a small gazebo that we can move to the area's we are working lol, not sure how everyone will feel about that but if they want our help then we have to do something to guard us from getting sick. I came into the house about 3pm after having the barbecue and went to bed and didn't get out of bed till 2 pm the next day, today has been better I am still having some cold chills but have managed to keep my food down and drink lots so I am hoping tomorrow will be better but I am not going to push it cause I know you can feel better then it can hit again, my flowers got watered and my pets are all happy so I can stay inside for a couple days if I have to, I do have to go clean the litter boxes in the barn so I am going to sneak out early in the morning there is only 2 to clean now that Sam has everyone littered trained he is such a wonderful rabbit. All my tulips are out in full and everything I planted is already shooting up so I am excited about that, as soon as the irrigation is fixed then watering will be easier good thing it's not overly hot yet. I was going to take T.T. outside tomorrow but will have to wait a couple more days, I also had to put the cleaning of the rental house on hold for a few days, thankfully they are such wonderful people and understand what is happening so it will get done just might be next weekend. Dean cooked chicken patty's and fries for his dinner and burnt them to a crisp hahahahaha  he was so upset I told him not to worry it happens and I like burnt fries so I ate a few of them, so he made perigees instead lol, he said to me let's see if I can burn water next hahahahahaha, tomorrow I want to make dinner not sure what I am going to make, I couldn't manage to make dinner tonight I am so weak and shaky so I hope tomorrow I can stand if not I might make some banic and soup actually that sounds wonderful it's a plan he will be happy with that. Well I am going to get ready for bed my cat is bugging me for attention so  have a great night all....

I have heard it all

Well there are some different people out there but I come across some doozies, I have a fish tank and for the last few years I have been giving guppies to anyone who wants them to keep my stock down, they will breed so fast that before I know it my 45g tank is so full, so I put an ad out for free guppies, well today I get a mess that the person wants to see pictures and measurements, well I am not going to bother doing that so I said they are normal guppies not a lot of color just average age from baby to teen and free. About an hour later I get a mess back from this person asking me if I am a rescuer of guppies, lol  I said to my hubby yes I make it my sole life meaning is to rescue guppies hahahahahahahaha,  I mean come on there lousy guppies and free what more can you ask for, my hubby is like whatever you do don't answer her back we don't want someone like that knowing were we live lol  like duhhhh.  Well they say it takes all kinds lol. Think I will take them to the pet store and forget about worrying who will show up for these precious fish lol.....

Oh no Oh no plz stop plz stop OMG hit a tree

So I had this bright idea to mow along the side of the co-op and I needed to back up a bit so put it in neutral and then realized I was on a hill hahahahaha backwards I go down the hill till I turned and backed into the shrubs hahahahahaha that's what you get for forgetting the ride on has no breaks damn it, won't try that trick again lol, took a breath and finished the job at a lower speed got it done and hope to hell no one was watching me hahahahaha, I can hear it now there goes a woman driver lol.  On Tuesday I went and cleaned a rental house for 5 hours and I am still getting over it lol, I am not used to crouching and scrubbing sure can tell I took the winter off, I have about 5-6 more hours to do and it will be done, It was so nice to see the house I hadn't been back since they finished the down stairs and flooring so was nice to walk through and see all that was done to the house, sure wish I could win some money I would love to have the house but you have to play to win and I keep forgetting that part lol. I mowed my back yard again today I have done it 3 times already it's amazing how fast it grows this time of year but I don't complain because by the end of augest I usually have brown lawn so I enjoy it nice and green while it lasts. This weekend is our co-op's spring clean up, I am kind of not looking forward to it but this year I am not going to push myself to hard, we only have one job really to do and that is to cut down a Chinese elm tree, so I hope there is all of us working but as usually every year it seems to be the same people doing all the work, but this year we are having a barbecue afterwords so that will be great it's so much fun to sit and just visit with everyone and not be a meeting or co-op work and this year there will be beer hahahahahahaha, that doesn't excitee me I can't drink on my meds so if I had just 3 sips I bet I would be feeling it hahahahaha  that could be a funny thing or not a good thing depending on my mood lol. I have had the last 4 days off from the office and it has been so nice I needed a break from all the papers but I am looking forward to starting again next week. My cat T.T. is full of piss and vinegar the last 2 nights lol, she has been getting into things and knocking stuff over, chewing on paper and sitting in front of the bird cages and chattering to them hahahahaha  I would get mad if it wasn't so good to see her feeling better, I think this weekend if it is nice I am going to let her come outside with me, she can for sure make it down the stairs and if I have to I will carry her back up but if she keeps going like she has been there will be no problem for her to do the stairs herself, go figure I had her on Iams diet food and she gained weight so I got fed up and tried  frisky's with no fish and she has lost weight and her dander is going away and obviously she is feeling better and she isn't eating half as much as she did on the Iams, we are so glad cause both my hubby and I are not ready for sure for her to leave us. Last night she came into my office and bite my toe and ran away hahahahahaha she never does that sometimes she will tap my leg to get my attention, maybe she tried and I just didn't feel it cause I sure felt her nip, first time she has played with me in months so I think she is getting her spunk back little bugger.......

Did I mention my ass is numb lol

OMG all day today the front of my legs and my butt are numb from the lawnmower hahahahaha.  So today was an exciting day I had my second assessment done for the ECAP program, the first guy came and gave me 14 light bulbs and put some weather stripping on the front door, he also checked the attic and my appliances. Our fridge is 2 years away from being 16 years old so in 2 years they will call me and bring me a new fridge for free, so wonderful, I was told at the first visit that our furnace might not be replaced because it has a moisture machine on it, but I told them that it hasn't been used for 25 years just sits there soooooo they phoned me and today was my second inspection and I am trying not to get to excited but it sounds like I am getting a new furnace also, our furnace is the original so it is about 35 years old, it runs great still but our gas bill is so high through the winter, so a new one would be energy and power saver so I really hope they say yes. He did a test to see how much air comes into the house and goes out, so in 2 weeks I will find out if I get a furnace and possible windows all for free. Everyone who has a lower income should check them out it's a program run by BC Hydro and Fortis Gas, I am over the moon happy that I filled out the application now I have all my neighbors checking it out. One of my neighbors already had her visit and she got a new fridge. It has been so quiet in our house the last week because all our phones died at the same time and we haven't bothered to get a phone as of yet, I am actually thinking of canceling the phone and going on Skype Internet phone, the phone is about 80 bucks then it will cost us about 30 bucks a year for our phone, so as long as we can keep the Internet going we will have a phone, I am all for cutting our expensive down that's for sure. In September our mortgage will be paid off for the co-op, so we all will have to decide if we are going to keep subsidy going, I hope so I work my ass off for the co-op all year long so I do feel that we earn the right to have subsidy because I haven't been able to work and not sure if I will ever be able to work again because of my stupid depression anxiety not to mention my panic social phobia's among other health issues I am a walking mess lol but I keep active and do what I can to have the feeling of accomplishing something every day. I think if I could find a part time job working with animals I would for sure give it a try, I have a great idea for a profitable dog park just not sure how to go about setting it up, I am hoping the Meti society will have some ideas on that. Well I am tired so think I will head to bed, have a long day tomorrow will be digging up irrigation lines and fixing them so better get some rest,  Have a terrific evening and an even better day tomorrow......

OMG I love Spring Time

I just made a hundred bucks sitting on my ass and going around in circles hahahahaha, not sure if I have said this before but I LOVE my ride on lawnmower lol it is so much fun, we have about 2 acres of lawn to mow, I don't do right along the fence because it's on a slant and I am just learning how to drive so a bit scary for me but I do as much as I can and I don't weed wacker  everyone is responsible for there own common grounds area and they have to do that much, I would but my hands can't handle the gas weeder and I can't carry it very far so I just mow, put my tunes on and sing as loud as I want and away I go hahahaha, after I am done my ass is numb for hours way to funny....It's been such a nice day not to hot but I still have to wear my hat, maybe one day I will get a picture of my outfit and post it, anyone who reads this will laugh there asses off, I look like a farmer hick with my wide brim hat but it keeps me cool. The best part of the job is when I am done and heading back to the shed, I put it on full speed and laugh my ass home, everyone laughs at me but I think they are all jealous cause I won't teach them to ride it hahahahaha. Hubby kind of spoil me today he went and got Wendy's for lunch, was nice of him but it is the worst food I can eat so now I feel like rot gut, and I know that is going to happen but I still eat it cause it tastes good going in hahahahaha, oh well I have sushi for tomorrow so that will be better. Well I better get my paper work started but had to share all the fun I had sure makes up for the last couple days.  TTFN  

Well Crap on a Cracker

There are day's that sneak up on me and smack me in the face so hard, I don't know why I am surprised every time it happens, I mean I have got it finally in my head that my depression will be with me always but then I have a couple months of great moods and start to get my hopes up that just maybe this time it will pass me by and wham here I am, sitting in my office chair crying my eyes out stressing about life and such to the point that I just go back to bed and sleep cause that is the only place I can go and not have the anxiety follow, but I fight and I fight because I know if I sleep during the day I will not sleep at night, but today I couldn't handle it anymore so I went back to bed and slept for 2 hours, and why the hell is it so easy for me to sleep during the day and not at night what the hell is up with that? my moods are a bit better at least I am not blubbering all over the place but I still feel yucky, then I had a thought, what is the weather doing? so I go and have a look and I am wondering if a storm is coming cause sometimes I get like this before a storm, man I hope so only time will tell just what will happen, thankfully I have some years dealing with my depression so I know that if the elevator opens on the bottom floor tomorrow I just have to hold on because as soon as I get some more sunlight I will feel better and if it is yucky out tomorrow I will hook up my mood light. My family suffer big time with depression, I am not the only one who fights it every day as do so many other people, it amazes me to this day how many people just don't understand how it is so debilitating, I have one neighbor that believe it or not suffers with depression herself and she has the nerve to say to me get over it!!!
Isn't there always that one person in the bunch that has to be an ass, it's like it is in there day planner okay let's see how many times today I can be an ass lol, as you can imagine we don't get along I have no use for people like that and I have to say I am one of the people who get along with almost everyone I know, just 2 exceptions so I guess I am lucky, I have a friend who lives far away from me and she struggles with her friends, she does all the work we all know those kind of people, most would tell her to get rid of them but because I know how hard it is for her to meet people I told her to limit contact with them, before she calls or sees any of them just make sure she isn't looking for something out of there time just have a non commitment chat as I call them lol, and well it helped her big time now she knows who to call for support and who to call just to gab or catch up on the gossip lol. I love to gossip I won't lie, I am good at keeping secrets but I have gotten in the habit of asking if what the persons says to me is not to pass on lol especially in the co-op one neighbor might tell me something and want to also tell other neighbors about it so they come to me, that sounds terrible but what I mean is if it's a good day I am always outside working in my yard or working on the co-op's grounds and this is why I love my neighbors many times I am working on a project on the what we call common grounds area and most times a neighbor will come out and ask if they can help or they bring me a drink and take a break with me it's at that time that we have a good laugh and ask each other if there is news to pass on. This year will be different I think I hate to say it but I have to stop taking on the big jobs by myself anymore, my hands just can't handle all the work I get tired way faster and then I don't have any energy to do my own housework or garden, but I will still be doing some stuff I can't just sit and do nothing on a good day, just as long as I don't get heatstroke cause as soon as that happens I have to stay out of the sun for days, but I have already started drinking my peppermint tea and is it ever so good I am glad I saved it for summer time I enjoy it more this way. This year I am going to design a leg strap of some sort to hold my jug of tea and have it with me at all times, cause if I have to carry it I will put it down and walk away from it, I wonder if I can fit something on my tool belt, what a great idea, that's a plan tomorrow I am going to work on setting up my tool belt. So I already feel better cause I have a plan and some time's a girl just needs to vent, I heard something a few years ago that I totally believe and that is everyone has a dump truck that collects crap all the time and sometimes you have to unload it so it doesn't suffocate you, so this is me unloading hahahahahaha......

Another sleepless night

Here I sit at 1:14am I have been awake for an hour now, I went to bed early last night about 9:30 pm and crashed till midnight, its so frustrating because I took 2 Melatonin pills they are supposed to keep me asleep but apparently my body hasn't read the instructions lol. I have taken 3 days off from the office, I so needed the break but today I am planning on getting back at it, that's if I can get the key to go in, I used to have a key to the office but when they changed the locks they didn't give me one, kind of drives me crazy cause if I had a key I could get more done but there is no rush so I just have to be patient and that is not a word I would use for me lol. A couple of my friends came over yesterday for hair cuts was so nice to see them again, funny but we always seem to end up talking about computers and family 2 subjects I love so was a great visit. I also got a few tips to safe us some money so that is always a bonus. Well I think I will go watch some NCIS for a bit maybe make a hot tea and try and get some more sleep before my day begins or this girl will be a grumpy nag lol...

What a great day

Sun is shining birds are chirping irrigation water is turned on what more can I ask for hahahaha,  Today I planted some flowers and moved a few wanted to separate a couple cause they are getting out of control, the one's I moved won't probably flower this year but they still grow nice and full and tall greens so I am good with that. I added a lot of color this year so I hope they all or most bloom, also got my herbs going it's going to smell so good at my back door. This year I planted some garlic chives I was told to put them close to an entrance way to keep mesquites away so I am giving it a try, I also hang some wrist bands I get from the dollar store around the door and that seems to help. My chocolate mint is starting to grow I can't wait, this year I am giving some to a friend so she can start a bunch just want to give them a few more day's before I dig some out well don't have to dig just pull them. I decided to take the weekend off from the office I have been working so much this week so having 2 day's away will be so nice. I miss my kid today so much, I haven't heard from her since Xmas and I have no idea how she or the kids are doing but I am trying not to stress about it, she will call when she can, I have enough to worry about my own life let alone someone Else's lol, but today has been so wonderful got a bit of a tan lawn is mowed next I have the front yard flowers to deal with and I am set for a bit, most of all my plants are perennials so I don't have to worry to much but I transplanted a bunch from my neighbors yard when she passed away so wondering if they will make it this year, I hope so keeps a part of them with us, its been much better in the past couple months we are getting used to our new neighbors as I am sure they are doing with us, I thought it was going to be hard on me when she started to pull plants and move them but I am actually excited to see just what she will do with the yard, I think it makes it a bit easier to have a fresh start. Well I think I am going to go grab a tea and a book and go sit outside again for a bit, enjoy that sun as much as I can, soon I will be able to bring my notebook outside with me that might not be a good thing lol, then again it might hahahahaha.....