Hello World !!!!

😜 hahahahaha how long I have been here and never knew I had funny faces, way to funny what a dweeb I am. Today has been boring and stressful and it is 4:30pm were I am and I have just in the last 10 minutes gone nuts lol, okay here it is I have been watching a YouTube guy named Peter and omg some days he is so over the moon crazy that all I can do is laugh my fat ass off, just can't help it he gets me in the funniest mood I swear it's like I have had a large regular coffee and suffering from the caffeine high, anyone else go through that, this is something that puzzles me have you ever known somebody who walks into a room and sucks all the air out and you feel like they tore your sole away as they leave the room and it takes for like ever to get your mood back, then there are some people who you can just have short bits of time with them, you love them and care about them but it's like they just have so much life they are over powering, so it's like I will dip my foot in the pool but no way I am going to dive in, myself well I am kind of a person who is a story teller it takes me ten minutes to explain something that my hubby can say with two words hahahahaha, and yes I dabble in gossip now and then I like it as long as I am not saying or hearing hurtful stuff I am all good. All day I have been struggling with stress about something that isn't going to happen till the 8th of next month, god I hate that about me, I try to remind myself to live in the moment but there are times that I enjoy my stress wayyyy to much, sometimes dealing with a stressful situation for a few days before the event, helps me to clarify just what I need to say or how I need to react or gets me to a place in my head so I can prepare for what is going to come, that's me that's how I roll sometimes and my hubby hates it, see he is the type of person who in a matter of 8 minutes can go from flipping out full of stress angry maybe shout calm down and forget it, I'm like what the hell was that? did anyone see that tornado that just went by? lol maybe it is a man thing could be cause let me tell you it takes me hours sometimes days to get over a strong emotion it's like I have to live in it for a while digest it and vacate it before I can forget it and if you add anger to the pot look out cause I may boil over at any moment, there is nothing that pisses me off more then the 8 minutes I mean what is that? it takes me 8 minutes to shift from one emotion to the next let alone go through all of them and chill out and forget move on, it's not human I tell ya hahahahahaha.  Spring maybe that is what is going on with me cause I am sure I took my meds today hummmm better look   yup I did can't blame it on them I think it is spring in the air, almost all the snow has melted from my yard I can almost get into my garden to clean it up and get ready to plant again this year I am just so damn excited to get going, a friend of mine gave me a bunch of flower bulbs and seeds and I am biting at the bit to get my hands dirty and begin. I have some excellent dirt I have been composting full of rabbit poop, leaves and food, it's funny not very many people have friend who come over to take a bag of poop home for there garden lol, rabbit poop is the best for gardens and having 3 rabbit's works out to a fare amount of poop hahahahaha, everyone freaks out at me because I don't wear gloves when I clean, I use a scrapper to put it in my buckets then it sits in a garbage pail to cook for a couple months then I add it to my dirt, what is the difference then working in my garden all day with no gloves to that, I don't care it's mot like I don't wash my hands. I have tried gloves many times I just can't work with them doesn't matter what they are made of they all feel ooggy on my hands, could be why I have no nails and my hands look weathered big deal I was always told hands tell the story of your life and well mine is full of poop and dirt hahahahahahaha......🐇🐇🐇 

Rabbit Book info

I am getting excited because next Wed I have my first meeting with the artist that will be doing the pictures for me and I am so looking forward to our meet up, I also just sent off an email asking my vet if I can add them to my book and who would I talk to about that, I am hoping they say yes, what would be great is if they say yes and also want a few books to sell at the vets that would be great just not sure how much it will be to print for right now I am thinking of doing a Kindle book maybe I can just set up a sign for people to find the book that might be a good idea. I had plans to write all winter but my depression kicked in big time and I also was sick most of the winter so I didn't get a lot done but spring is on its way and I am looking forward to sitting in my back yard and writing again. I have a few idea's for a couple books I am also considering publishing my life's journey book I wrote, just will have to change some names and if possible use a different publisher name cause I was very honest about everything and I really don't want some people who know me or some who are in the book to judge me or take credit at all for the reason I wrote it. It's been almost two weeks since I moved the rabbit's and the doves outside it has made a huge difference to how I am feeling just makes me so happy they have a larger area to run around and the doves can fly and do the bird things again. I almost had to bring them back in because after four days of nice weather we went back into a cold snap and had a huge dump of snow but moving them in and out is very difficult for me it's a lot of work so instead I went to the dollar store and got a bunch of shower curtains and wrapped the barn plus I gave them two heat lamps one for the birds and one for the rabbit's and a heated water bowl so they are doing great, it took me a couple nights of trying to sleep on the couch before I could relax enough and not worry so much about a fire or something other terrible to happen but as usual it is all going just fine and I am finally sleeping, still takes me till almost 3am to fall asleep but when I do I crash till 10am, my head is starting to clear up and every day I get a bit stronger, still have a cough but it's nothing to worry about so things are looking up. Just in the nick of time I might add because this week I have a company coming in to clean all the ducts in the house and then right after that we have our house inspections happening so for the last two days I have been cleaning and moving stuff so they can get to the ducts, I still have a few things I need to clean up but I needed to take a break for a bit, I could go for a nap I am so tired but I don't want to do that cause I need to sleep tonight to be ready for strangers in my house tomorrow and I hate that always sets my anxiety high cause you just don't know what kind of person they will be, it's a good thing my hubby will be home from work shortly after they arrive. Well I think I will go and fix a salad cause I just realized I haven't ate today and that is why I have a bit of a headache duhhhhhh. 

Some people are just a piece of shit.

I guess you can tell I am pissed, it seems like I am rolling down a hill and with every turn I am grabbing more anger along the way and I am scared of what will happen when I stop. I am a good person I am not perfect in any way but if I have one good fault is I am over generous at times. When our co-op founder passed away a couple years ago I stepped up big time, I took on the work of going through all the files in the office and sorting and organizing things, I worked in the office at least 5 days a week sometimes more from 9am till 1pm sometimes till 5pm and to top it off at the end of the day I would bring papers home to sort in the evening why because I was having such a blast doing it, it made me feel good to help out, and I thought what I was doing was important, so for almost 4 months I worked my ass off  and then I slowed down and worked just 3 days a week cause I had a good grasp of what was left to sort and were everything was, so I felt so good that I had accomplished so much and was very proud of what I had done. The co-op gave me a bit of money for all the work and that was amazing I didn't expect it and never would have asked for it so the gift was a nice surprise for sure. Now it's been about 4 1/2 months since I have worked in the office because I had to take the winter off because of my depression and anxiety and the time away has been good but I planned on going back in and working more in a few weeks to keep sorting and filing and I was so looking forward to the work and then my world got shit on so bad that I am beyond mad, have you ever spent a huge amount of work on a project and have some people to your face tell you what a terrific job you did and that if it wasn't for you they all would be lost? well that is what was said to me a few times, made me feel great till a couple nights ago when I found out that someone has been telling everyone that I fucked up all the files and threw out papers that I wasn't supposed to and now they have to re sort everything again!!!!!!,  I have never felt like someone has kicked me in the gut and poured peroxide in the wound, after all the time I spent and how hard I worked and to top it all off I never said I was trained in office filing from the beginning I had a plan set up with this person as to how I was going to sort files and all the time I worked everything was fantastic terrific job, but we have two new neighbors that have not been here to see all the work I had to do or what I did and she is telling them that, I am so embarrassed hurt pissed off and down right livid that all day today I have had to stop myself from going to her door and blowing up in her face, but what the hell for this is not the first time she has said shit about me or any of the other people that live here to make herself look the better person or make people feel sorry for her so no matter what I said or did it wouldn't change who she is, so no I stay home and dare her to knock on my door or phone me but she won't because she is a chicken shit, but I have a plan I decided that at the next meeting when she and she will ask because no one else wants to work with her but when she asks me to help her in the office I am going to say in front of everyone, no I think I have been ridiculed for fucking all the papers up in the office to last me a life time so I will pass!!!!!!!  We will see how that goes over, I am done I put myself out there being a huge help and fuck you is all I get, so my hubby has put his foot down and I am not allowed to work in the office hahahahaha but really I have no plan to ever sort or file anything in the office till she moves the fuck away from here, so to this date she has managed to piss everyone off in the co-op at least once and most a few times, why is there always one mother fricker who has to make a good situation terrible, I just don't get it, it's just shitty drama and I am way to old to put up with that kind of shit I lived with drama for most of my life and I have finally gotten strong enough to say fuck you just keep on walking and take your shit to another sucker cause I am done and over it being me..........

There is nothing I hate more then having shitty news follow good news

I have an attitude and it doesn't seem to be getting any better, I am just so fricken angry all the time there are a few reasons for all this anger so I understand where it is coming from but shit I need to get a hold of it before I say or do something stupid. We did get good news found out a couple days ago that our co-op did get the loan we wanted so all our windows and doors will be replaced starting in March, I am super excited about that maybe our bills will go down because all the heat won't be flowing out the cracks, I put plastic on the windows and that helps but would be nice if I didn't have to bother doing that every winter. I am a bit worried about having people here and working on our windows and stuff I get very nervous about that kind of stuff so I hope it is nice so I can sit outside and keep away from it all but guess I will deal with all that when it starts, so that was the good news that I was very happy to hear about. Then I was informed that the co-op wants to have a service done on each unit to clear the ducts and dryer vents now I am happy about that I have been here for almost 16 years and they have never been done but I am pissed that each unit has to pay half the bill now the bill won't be a huge amount but that's not what bothers me and maybe this is the wrong way to look at this but I just saved the co-op thousands of dollars by getting the ecap to bring me a free furnace plus they are going to replace 5 other furnaces in the near future so why can't they take the payment out of that money?  I may be getting petty about things because I am in a pissy mood and if I am well I am sure I will get over it but that's not all that I am mad about, I think the bigger part that I am mad about is someone who has lived here for a very short time is treating me like I am stupid and don't know how a co-op runs, I have been living here for almost 16 years I damn well know how a co-op runs and don't need someone who has been here for under 4 months try and tell me what is what. You know the saying there is to many cooks in the kitchen well that is what is happening here and I have had enough, you get in a room with 4 or 5 headstrong people and try and have a productive and positive meeting, ya not going to happen, I am just so damn tied of it all, it's bull shit to me, having to step away from co-op business for the last 2 months just hasn't been enough time I guess cause I sure as hell am not going to sit around a bunch of rude and inconsiderate hotheads trying to see who can over talk each other the most I don't have the time and frankly my time is way to important to me to waste it on this shit, so for the next week I am going to try and find something or someone to talk to to relieve this anger I have before I blow a fricken gasket all over this place........