Surprise for me

So I have been working like crazy doing paper work for our co-op and last night at our meeting to my surprise they decided to pay me for all my hard work, It was such a nice surprise, I for sure didn't do it for money but sure is nice to be appreciated for what you do. I also found out that it might not be just a one time payment so that is terrific every little bit helps that's for sure. I have been sorting so much that I lay at night and think about numbers lol, last night I had to take a sleep aid so I could just shut my head off and sleep lol. The sun was out most of today and I missed most of it but I am done sorting for a couple day's so I hear the weather is going to be nice I hope so would be nice to be outside for a couple days. All my brats are loving being in the barn, the doves spend a lot of time on the floor with the rabbit's it's kind of funny very glad they like each other, I had to clean today, that was a bit of an ordeal I need to set up cleaning a bit different thinking of putting a slot in the one wall and use some kind of slide so I don't have to have the bin in the barn, it's not a huge deal just I have to be very careful and watch where the doves are when I open the door to get out, cause they are sneaky little buggers lol, I might trim there wings a bit not sure I really don't like doing that but I will figure something out I am sure. The kids came to the door today and asked to see the rabbit's, kind of made me mad because I happen to know that there parents told them there is no more visit happening and not to bother me, hubby says next time he will get the door that should scare them away hahahahaha. Wow it's not even 8:30pm and I am ready for bed, even the cat is bugging me to go to bed guess cause it is dark out she thinks it is time lol, I think I will do just that and get ready with my tea and relax away from this computer for the rest of today since I have been working on it for the past 6 hours,  Night all........

Saturday

Today I spoild myself and got a chicken for lunch from buy low was so good and I am happy to say I ate a small plate and was full so the garcinia pills are working waahhooo, I also got some sushi for my supper and a apple pork roast for 9 bucks to make tomorrow, so had a good day so far lol. I have been working on the Co-op's paper work for the last 4 days and man I got a huge amount of work done, when you are having trouble sleeping you get a lot of stuff done lol. I had to go get my meds refilled on Friday what a fricken mess that was, had to sit for 45 min for the doc then maybe 3 min to get prescription, I was at the super store so I went and got them filled there also so that took another half hour, so went and got my milk and sleeping aids, went back to get my meds and they couldn't find them, by this time I was having some anxiety and the shakes because I hadn't ate yet finally found them under the wrong last name, I went back to my maiden name over 2 years ago and medicare hasn't updated my file yet I mean come on that is crazy, so grabbed them and made it to the car, had a chug of milk and my power bar so I could drive home, got home put the stuff away and had a nap for an hour, I really hate days like that, it takes all I have just to keep calm enough to drive home plus not eating my sugars were bad, I have the best hubby he sent me to bed and made supper for us so I could eat as soon as I woke up, I am very blessed to have him most days hahahahaha well we all have our bad days to deal with. A friend of mine Norm came over and gave me his mom's old sewing machine and table, it's very old not even sure I can get bobbins for it but will see, was so nice of him to give it to me, I am sure he could of sold it for a good price but he wanted me to have it so right now it is sitting in my bedroom waiting to be cleaned and oiled, sure hope it works will be great to sew thicker material, the new machines don't want to take on the job as much. I also have my mom's old singer machine, my brother was going to throw it in the garbage but I put a stop to that looked on line and I could probably get about eight hundred for it, so I might think about selling it. The old cabinet needs a new paint job I have some paint stripper left over might be a project for summer, needs new wheels also, I have some so will fix them. Well I am going to go play outside for a bit the sun is out and I need to move after eating, chat soon......

Garcinia

Hey all well as I was walking down the health store isle , that's right I was in the health store hahahaha anyways I found a bottle of Garcinia, I have heard about this product from a lot of people and on YouTube, and I wanted to try them out, I got 90 tablets for 13 bucks I was so amazed because I have seen it for a lot more. Then I had to go to Walmart  for some stuff and I found another 90 tablet bottle for 10 bucks so I grabbed that one also, this is day 3 of taking them, now it says to take 2 a day  one before lunch and one before supper but for this week I am just taking the one before lunch just to make sure I don't have a bad reaction to the pills and so far it's been just fine, I will say that I am way thirstier then I was so I am drinking way more water so that is great for me and about a half hour after taking the pill my tummy seems to feel a bit warm but nothing uncomfortable just enough to notice. It's only been 3 days so can't say I have noticed any change but I will say that I get full way faster when I eat and I am not snacking as much and for some strange reason I am sleeping better, no acid reflex at night also, so all in all I am pleased with it. So just one other thing in my busy life lol, I have decided to wait another year to get a new computer, my hubby's comp is working great for what I need and this way I will have 500.00 to spend on other things I need like new running shoes can't wait for my new shoes and I might be getting weight chair, it's about 125.00 and works like the big Bowflex machine only just a chair way cool I think I would like to have it, I can even put it out on the back porch if it's to warm in the house, going to look into it and make sure it has a good rating, I really would love to get a pool but my yard isn't big enough and for some reason the Co-op doesn't want to pay for one hahahahaha.... I am hooked on that silly game Elvenar lol, but won't be much longer because the sun has started to come out more and my garden is calling my name, plus I am doing more paper work for the Co-op so that keeps me busy, I got all my planters ready to go might start to plant some and set it all up for the summer tomorrow. My neighbors called me from my back yard yesterday and they found a wounded bird and asked if I wanted to take it, I did but I let it go last night I haven't seen it today I don't think it lived, the kids are so cute they bring me all kinds of things to rescue, I believe in nature's cycle so most of them I let go as soon as they are away from my yard or if it's in very bad way I do what I can to keep it comfortable till it passes but I love that they feel safe in bringing the animals to me even if I can't help them.....

Changed my office again lol

About a month ago I moved my computer out of my office to my big open spaced bedroom because I started a work out program that I have to follow on you tube, well yesterday and today I moved everything back lol, I didn't like walking around my stuff to leave the bedroom and all my office stuff was still in my office so back we are again, I am going to see if I can download the program and then I can do it infront of the tv, it's a fun workout so I hope I can. Jimmy was a bit confused today I let him out and he flew right on by me and went to the big room lol, but he figured it out fast enough, he is such a smart ass he flys all over the place now and goes for walks on the floor, he likes the wood floor, today he followed the cat around the room was so funny. Tomorrow I am having my first Skype call since the computer got fixed I am so excited to chat with Trish. I am still playing the game Elvenar it's kind of fun I like that you can srart a project and then sign out and it still keeps going instead of only advancing while you are logged in. Jimmy has tucked himself into my hair and is going for a nap lol, I was thinking of cutting my hair short again but I don't know, it's so thin now looks scragly to me, and I still want to get streaks done or something I am bored of this med brown lol, my neighbor wants me to go red again I might but red is better if done in fall lasts longer I think I would like to go lighter for a bit but I don't want to have green so have to be careful of what I put on. I had to go get pet food today I am set now for a few months well except cat food and litter I don't buy ahead for that because we are not sure how much longer she will be with us, although she seems to be doing much better on her new food even lost some weight, I can't wait till she can come outside with me will be so good for her. I am itching to plant some flowers I got a bunch of small containers for my herbs and flowers, I am going to have to check but I think I can start to plant soon then the fun begins I have 3 large flower garden area's to fix up, it's a lot of work but I enjoy it keeps my depression away, I just have to be so careful that I don't get sun stroke, I have had it before so it's esier to catch plus my meds I take make me burn faster. I am not one to sun tan mostly because I am heavy and also I just can't stand the heat anymore but I should drink more water all summer and I am bad about that, this year I have some water jugs that I can hook on my belt or arm so maybe if I keep it with me at all times I will drink more hahahahaha well that's a thought anyways. I usually buy the flavor drops for the summer, but there is so much sugar in them so this year I am making my own, I have a bunch of chocolate mint plants so I am going to dry them, I can't wait, when you walk out my back door I can smell the mint already coming, soooo good lol.  I have to go make supper for the old man hahahahaha   tata for now......

Chocolate NOW!!!!!

hahahahaha  today I am fighting cravings big time but I went yesterday and got some diet stuff it's called Garcinia I have heard about them for a while but I wasn't going to order them cause they were so expensive then I went to the health store down town and had a look and they had them there for 13 bucks, so I got them I figure if they will help even a little what can it hurt, I have to drink a lot of water and I hate water I just can't be bothered to drink it but I will if it will help. I am supposed to take 2 a day before each meal but I am just doing the one pill for a few days just in case it doesn't get along with my other meds, and I just read you are supposed to take it before you eat not after like my hubby said the bottle said, figures oh well will do from now on. Yesterday I had sushi and for the first time i ate the green paste don't know what it is called but OMG was it hot but good, the white shavings I think are some kind of horseradish or ginger will have to read the box next time hahahaha but I ate that also man my body was toasty after that lol. I am so proud of myself I have only had a small bowl of frozen yogurt for my snack, it's so good but very rich so I don't want so much but I must say if it was chocolate I would eat a lot more so guess strawberry was a good pick.  I have started playing this online game called Elvenar, I like it so far but not sure how long it will last being summer is coming not sure I will get that much play time in, I usually spend most day's in my garden and yard, this year I am way ahead on pruning tree's I just have 1 apricot tree left might see if I can do some tomorrow, I am not feeling strong enough to climb a ladder and use my chainsaw, it's so funny cause the neighbors across the fence just don't know what to think of me with my chainsaw and tree loppers but I sure get a lot of comments on the job, one neighbor even gave me some cookies for trimming the plum tree's from her side, this year I trimmed them so when the fruit comes it will not fall onto her yard so she will be happy about that. I wish the Co-op would use more of the fruit, a lot of the plums don't get picked but I am looking into having some youths come from the church next door and picking some for the church, they are such good neighbors always helping me cut the lawn so I think they would be very happy for some fruit. Laundry is ready to fold I guess I better get back at it......

Bitch Ass Pants

I am so bitchy I can't stand myself, all I want to do is crawl back in bed and lay there for hours with a hot water bottle for these damn cramps lol, the sun was out most of today and I couldn't enjoy one second of it, was nice for the brats lifted the one wall so they could get some sun. I am so frustrated and bored I hate it when I feel like this, I keep telling myself it's got to end soon I mean I am 49 years old and I have had my period since my 9th birthday, happy birthday to me NOT!!!  but every month like clock work it shows up and look out world the hormone king is in full gear hahahahaha  Dean says he is going to go away for 2 day's lol, I doubt it he can't get a cord long enough for his Xbox to go anywhere lol. He did buy us treat we got some frozen yogurt strawberry and it is so good, I am trying to have just one bowl a day. I treated myself and got some sushi for myself cause he won't eat it and I love it, that is going to be my lunch tomorrow if I can wait that long lol. I can't believe this but I need more containers for my spices, it's just crazy how much I have, when my mom passed away I got all of hers, some of them I have never heard of or know how to use, think I will write the name down and have a look on the web and see what to do with them. Well I am going to go sit with my bottle and maybe even have a shot of rye lemon to kill the pain lol, hope tomorrow is a better day or I might have to have a vacation from myself lol....

Depression anxiety panic social fobia's

Wow that's a loaded title for sure, I am happy to say that for the most part so far this year I have been feeling rather good. I have managed to go to some stores and I even visited with some great friends in the last couple months. Is it weird that I do feel like most time I am standing on a fence and not sure what side to jump off to, I am sure a lot of this will settle down as the sun comes out and I am back working in my gardens and yard, but I still feel that anxious panic feeling that something is knocking at the back door and I am to scared to have look and see what or who it is. Sometimes it is exhausting to be me, if I have a day that goes really well get lot's done there is always that feeling of what did I forget and what will someone be mad at me for missing. Most times when this happens it is my hubby because I have been working in the yard and forgot to come in a cook supper for him, and even though he has sat on his ass infront of his Xbox and could get up and fix it himself he has the mindset that because I haven't been able to work it's my job to feed him, and I guess he is right about that but somedays I feel so accomplished with the yard work and just once I would love it if he would come outside and say wow what a great job but alas he comes out and says you better not do to much cause you still have dinner to make hahahahaha, I can laugh right now but at that moment I consider what my life would be without him and so far being with him wins but he better be careful I tell ya lol. Sometimes I forget how my life affects him, it's not that I feel like his life would be better without me, I actually feel selfish sometimes because I get wound up in my world and ignore the rest of the world because I am to afraid to face it. Is that wrong? I don't know, I have been taking some courses in the last couple years to help me figure out who I am, every course  tells me I have the right to put myself first and just concentrate on fixing my life, just work on me but man it's hard, with just one income we well we struggle to pay bills and food, not that we struggle more than anyone else but it's so frustrating to want to better yourself and get the help to be a stronger person and function in this world and then to have no support to do it all. Don't get me wrong I am beyond grateful for the medical help both myself and hubby receive, we couldn't get the help we do already get without it but do we have to beg for scraps and god forbid we have to go to the food bank and face the people there to beg for food, and we do not a lot maybe 4 times a year and if it wasn't for the fact that I always donate something when I have the extra, I wouldn't be able to accept the help when we have to get it, and the people there are ever so nice to me so it's not that I guess it's just the act of admitting we need the help now and then, and why? why do some of us have to have these feelings that we don't deserve help, do I sit on my ass and wait for the help to be handed to me? no I don't, I may not be able to do a lot of things but what I am capable of doing I give freely to who needs it, a free haircut, help cleaning their house or taking care of neglected animals or just being a shoulder for someone who needs to vent. this world is so scary to me and overpowering sometimes and all I want to do is run and hide but I for sure know there is always room for someone who needs to go hide with me even just for a day....

Love Dollar Store's

I am locking myself in the house lol, it's not that I buy stuff I don't need, but as much as I love to buy stuff I hate paying for it hahahaha. I got a lot of stuff for the house, I got 2 floor mops one for upstairs and one for downstairs, some more containers for my spices and some nut snacks, OMG I got some roasted hazel nuts, I see all these people getting them so I thought what the heck it's only a dollar, what a huge mistake, some people like them but they tasted like fish to me was horrible never again lol. I did get a small bag of pistachios just a small bag my treat for my salads. I was going to work in the office today but the lady who was going to work with me had a family issue so will do it another day. I spent almost 3 hours going through the computer sorting files and organizing was so much fun, wish I could do that for a living I would love to get paid for fun. I need to go clean the barn today everyone is so happy to be outside and I am extremely glad they are outside my allergy's have all settled down, no sneezing all over hahahaha. Well I better get off my ass and do some house and barn cleaning, but mannnnnn do I have to hahahaha  okay okay no procrastinating,  Sun is out wahhoooo    have a great day......

Not a great day

I am not having the best of days, I kind of felt this coming a couple days ago but because I am stubborn I just did nothing about it lol, I sat here and figured out why I am feeling yucky and I won't go into it to much just say that this is my week to not be happy I am a girl hahahaha, I knew I was bitchy a couple weeks ago thought it was because I was sick but now I am so bloated and sore and bitchy, frustrated, bored out of my mind so looked on my calendar and yup as my brother always says The Curse is on it's way hahahaha I also love what a friend of mine Tim says, oh no she is broken again  hahahaha men they think they are so funny and sometimes they are. So as you can imagine I haven't really done very much today but I did manage to put my spices in there new containers I got from the dollar store and they are fabulous but I need to go get about 10 more so 3 more bucks and I will be done, I might put a picture later when I get it all done but happy with my pantry set up now. The next project I want to do is make a sliding can shelf that is on wheels and slides right beside the fridge, I have seen them on a few web sights and they don't look like they would be to hard to make. I did put the liners in the fridge worked very nice think this will help to wipe up messes for sure. I have a grounds meeting tomorrow for the Co-op, they are so much fun we get all the business stuff done and then gap for an hour lol, it's so nice to have neighbors you want to spend time with and we have some of the best here. I think it is time for this girl to go have a hot bath and lay with a water bottle for a bit, hope everyone is having a great day!!!!!

Cold and Tired

Today I got some yard work done, went to my neighbors and pruned her plumb tree, I usually prune hers every year but I missed last year because of my health so this year I am ahead of the game. There wasn't to much to trim off but still took me a couple hours, would have gone a lot faster if I used my chainsaw but I don't like to be on a ladder using it when no one is there to brace the ladder so I used the tree pole pruner it works fine just my arms are very sore lol. It feels like it is 6 pm already to me not sure if that is because it is cold and cloudy out sure wish the sun would come out I need it right now. I have a mood light so I can plug that in for 20 min maybe I will do that today cause I am kinda feeling off  hahahahahaha well if you new me that would not be a surprise hahahaha. This morning I went to the dollar store and got some cleaning supply's I love that store for a lot of reasons, I got a floor mop with wet sheets for the bedroom, some wipes for the counter, bird food, liners for the fridge I have wanted to get these before but kept forgetting to buy them but today I spotted them and am I ever glad I did, I got the clear linners it comes in a roll and they are the exact width I need for my fridge shelf, I got 2 because I want to put some in the drawers and on the floor under my kitchen sink and both bathrooms, they had a pack of 3 graters different sizes for 3 bucks can't beat that, and the last thing I got are some storage containers for my spices, so tonight I am going through all my spices filling my bottles and then putting the rest in the container all I need is to print off some labels I couldn't find any at the store and I didn't want to go to another store cause I would have spent more money so I will make my own. I did get some oatmeal wash it smells wonderful so I am going to try it out and pray I don't have an allergy to it, in the past I would say about 10 years I have not been able to wear perfume or makeup or use any soap that has a strong scent or I can't breath for days, it sucks because I had some really nice stuff and had to give it all away, it say's it is fragrence free but I can smell a light scent. Well I have some Co-op papers to write up so I better get on it, Have a great day!!!!!

Office done for the day

Was a good day in the office today there was 3 of us so we got a lot of papers sorted, still have a huge amount to do but it's getting done, amazing how all the files have papers from when the Co-op was built to present day all over the place, I have been typing up the minutes from meetings and filing them I like that job well anything on the computer work I like. Okay I have a confession to make, I have been following a lady on you tube and last night I tried her homemade ice cream recipe, it's just whipping cream and carnation milk easy right, well it was very easy to make all right but it almost killed me after eating just a small bowl, for one thing it is way to rich for me and left a funny taste on my tongue, and I paid big time for eating it, had the runs for hours so ya won't be doing that again, I am going to try her frozen yogurt there is only three ingredients for that so should be okay for me. I have to be careful of things I eat because I have diverticular disease and a slight case of crones so I know I shouldn't eat some things but damn it sometimes you just want them lol. For many years I have been in and out of the hospital because of sever stomach cramps, they would do some tests and then give me some pain meds and send me home, basically saying it's all in my head, so for a few years now I have been writing down what I eat and how I react to what I eat, I had to cut a lot out of my diet and after I started to listen to my body things got better, then I ended up in the hospital Xmas of 2014, I was in so much pain, they did a CT scan again and put that fluid that makes you feel like you peed your pants lol well as soon as it went through me I felt no pain so they sent me home and said nothing showed on the test, then 3 day's before Xmas my doctor calls me and she needs to see me about my tests, that is when I found out I have divorticular disease and a small hernia and swelling of my spine oh and crones, well I don't know if I have crones for sure because I haven't had a scope done but she figures I have it and wants me to go for a scope but I so far have put it off. At Xmas what happened is I was missing my kid so my hubby got me some pomegranates for a treat cause that's what we always had for Xmas and that's what caused the blockage that got pushed through from the CT fluid, after talking to my new doctor and telling her that I have had this pain for years she looked back in my records to see what they said and about 20 years ago I had a CT scan done and they found it and no one told me, not the hospital or my old doctor so for all these years I have been eating the wrong foods and having flare ups because of it, I was so mad and pissed off I wanted to shoot all of them. So because I have kept track of what I was eating and how I reacted to it all the things my body was telling me not to eat are all the things on the list that someone with diverticular disease shouldn't eat, so my body knew what was going on just I had no clue I thought it was food allergy's, so in the last 2 years things have changed for what I eat, I had to add a lot of fiber and cut out some other things and I still cheat now and then and pay for it big time and swear I will never do it again till I do hahahaha  it's a huge life change for me and because I am a heavy person it's slow going but I am adjusting little by little, I just wish I would have known all these years what was going on but the past is the past and I have to just work on the future. I did do something I would have never done before and that is I started a running program that is called from the couch to 5k and I love it, I do it all on a rebounder so my knee's don't get hurt and I am taking my time, it's a 9 week program but I work my way up to 15 min jog then I go back to the start and start over so every time I start a new set I am getting a stronger jog so I am very proud about that, I had to take 4 months off because of a flare up and pneumonia but I am back on track starting on Monday and it's funny but I can't wait to begin again, no one especially me would ever think that I would enjoy it it will be slow beginning again but I don't care I just want to start.......

I could kiss you Chris lol

Thanks to one of Dean's friends I have a computer again, he says to me that it runs slow but will be good for what I need, I don't know what he means by slow cause it is running faster then it was before so all is great to me, plus he has said that he will build me a computer so I can't wait till we can get together and pick out what I want, I won't know what to do with a new computer I haven't had a new one for over 20 years so this will be the biggest treat for me. I don't need a lot for a computer but if things keep going with all the office work it will be wonderful to have a faster machine. Tomorrow I will be working in the office again sorting and filing papers, I am enjoying the work just wish I was getting paid but that's what a Co-op is about volunteering your time is a part of the commitment to live here. I am so excited I will finally be able to have a Skype chat with my friend Trish, it seems like forever since we have talked because my little notebook doesn't do Skype, I bet we will chat for hours lol, I always say we need to set a timer but we haven't done it yet hahaha. I better go get my bird he is having a fit cause he can hear me type so he wants out, can't sneak around in this house I tell ya , BRB,  okay his cage is open so he will fly to my room in a second  oh here he comes lol, Jimmy is a lovebird I used to have another lovebird named Ruby Jean but she passed away a few weeks ago so we have been spending a lot of time together, it's all good till he tries to feed me lol.  He is full of kisses today lol

I hate pictures of me lol but Jimmy looks cute as always. I can only have him with me for about 45 min because of all things I am allergic to feathers hahahaha I know what the hell am I doing with birds but I can't help it I just love them.  OMG though I have got to sew a smock cause I swear he saves up his poop just for me hahahaha the bugger.. I couldn't imagine my life without my pets they have been a huge help with my depression and anxiety and also with my social phobia's, I find it comforting to chat with someone about animals there's no expectation of how intelligent you are or how much info you know people are always willing to give advise and not judge. and there is no test of grammar or spelling also hahahahaha.

Blaaaaaa

Today I woke up and I am feeling blaaahhhh, I have a lot to do today and I just don't want to start, I did manage to write a letter for the Co-op that needed to be done but that's about it so far lol. I went outside last night and hooked up a heat lamp for the brats not for the heat but to give them some light for the night, when I went to check on the light, because I am paranoid about stuff like that, The rabbit's were snuggled up under the light and the birds were sitting not to far away so I guess the wind was a bit chilly lol, of course they all made it just fine through the night. Hubby just got home guess I better get of my lazy ass and do something today lol, at least do the dishes then see how I feel hahahahaha   Later.....

Meatballs!!!!!!!!!

Omg I am so excited to try the meatballs tonight, Lor came and we made a huge bowl together was so much fun, have some cooking right now and I can hardly stand it the house smells so fricken good. I am burnt out lol funny how doing things like that can wear ya out, we both didn't get all that much sleep last night so I am amazed we got it done so fast. Dean is pacing back and forth to his office hahahahahaha oh well he will have to wait till they are cooked. I had the crappiest sleep last night not sure if it was because I was a bit anxious for today or what and it didn't help that my legs were literally jumping off the bed, it's been a few weeks since I have had my vitamins so now I am fighting with them to let me sleep, I took an Advil went to bed didn't help so got up and had a hot bath still bothering me so I smeared on the ice rub and let me tell you if you put that stuff on after a hot bath holly man does it feel cold lol, I sat up for about half an hour and I finally could go to sleep. It is so windy here today everything in my yard is fallen over or moved, the doves have been quiet most of the day so I am sure they are huddled together just like the rabbit's are, the sun is great so nice to have that but the wind makes it so cold but spring is on the way so I am very happy about that. Okay I can't stand it anymore I am going to go and see if supper is ready, have a good one all.....

Happy but so tired

Moved the rabbit's outside this morning they are happier then a pig in mud lol, I got them all set up put the water down took a step back and my dove climbed in the bowl and had a bath lol, I had to laugh but man he could have waited till I walked away. I am very excited a few months ago I applied for the BC gas & hydro Ecap program, the guy came and assessed our house and left me a bunch of lights and water savers put weather stripping on the door, and checked our fridge and furnace, our fridge was 2 years away from there allowed time to have it replaced , we have 2 years they replace after 16 years, so in 2 years they will call me and set up a time to drop off our new fridge, then today I got a message and they are coming back in April to replace our furnace all these things are being done for free, it's amazing that we can get this help everyone should check into the program, our furnace is 34 years old so it needs to be done for sure plus our bill will go down over 40 dollars so I am so happy for that. I am so tired from cleaning and moving the brats then going and cleaning there winter cages to put away, I sure noticed that I get tired so fast I know I am getting older but I think more so is because I haven't been sleeping properly, will be good to have my meds done so I can sleep through the night once again. Oh ya I want to get a picture of the brats I will go right now and take a picture and post it so everyone can see what I did....

Happy Day

Today is such a good day, this morning I finished getting the barn ready and moved the doves outside, I will post some pictures tomorrow, I am so happy they are able to fly and play, I have 3 doves, Dad is Juliet I didn't name him he came with that name lol, Mom is called Mamma and junior is called Little Fart, I was a bit worried about Mamma wasn't sure she was going to be able to fly up to the swings or the branch but I had nothing to worry about she was the first one up to the branch, so they have an area of 9 feet by 10 feet and 8 feet high so I think they are very happy. Tomorrow I am moving the rabbit's outside they will be also very happy, the only thing I am worried about is the doves bathing in there water so I have to figure that out in the morning, I don't really want to go back to water bottles I have seen some idea's on the net but nothing I am happy with yet. I will figure something out I always do.  Today I also went to the store and got my ingredients for Thursday, as she is ringing it in I am starting to have a bit of anxiety over the silliest thing, I got some extra stuff to make my yogurt frozen ice cream and some salad etc and the bill came up to 62.00 and I started to think I should put some stuff back hahahahaha  I guess not having money for awhile makes it very hard to spend it when you have the extra. I have been watching these dollar tree hauls on you tube, I have to stop cause there is so much stuff I would love to get but don't really need it, as I was walking through the store, I was silly and went while I was hungry, so I was looking at chips and dip, peanuts and candy but I took one look at the price and said to myself, I am not paying that I can get it for a dollar at my store, lol so I didn't buy any of it I was a bit proud of myself,f I would have been more proud if I didn't have the idea of going to the dollar store tomorrow and buy it all hahahahaha. Oh some good news on T.T. she has lost some weight don't ask me how cause she is not on diet food but I can tell her tummy is smaller or maybe it is just less swollen either one is good news. So I wrote a children's book I think I have mentioned it before well I have decided to try and get it published, I have no idea how to go about doing it, been looking on the web to see if I can find more info but it's scary out there, I am worried if I go ahead and sign up for something what if they just steal my book or rip me off, I don't know what to do yet, the first thing I have to do is have someone fix all my grammar and sentence structure cause as you can tell with my blog I suck at it big time lol. Anyone who reads this have any idea's I would appreciate the info. I have a habit of jumping to different topics, I noticed I do it while I am talking also, I have to keep track for the next while cause if it starts to get bad I know I need my meds adjusted again, I always have them adjusted every spring and fall, so I am due to go see my doc, if I don't do something about it my as I call it My Voice will start to pester me, I have had My Voice for almost all my life, I remember the first time I heard it, to much to get into on this blog maybe one day I will write a bit about my past but I am not ready yet to open that can of worms. Well I guess I should shut down for the night, Dean is snoring already not that my typing bothers him he can sleep through almost anything, I hate that about him because I am jealous, I try to sleep and if the cat meows I am wide awake,  Have a good night all..... 

Waahhoooo

Found out this morning our income tax did come in I am so excited I can hardly stand myself lol, you would think that I would have been out the door and heading to my favorite dollar store but I decided to clean my kitchen instead hahahahaha  priority's kind of got messed up there. Tomorrow I am going to get the ingredients I need for Thursday I can hardly wait it's been over a year since I have made these meatballs why I don't know because they are so easy, I am also going to be making a treat for us thanks to my favorite you tube cook Big and Bolder, I am making frozen yogurt ice cream, going to make coconut for me and Dean loves vanilla, I decided there is no way in hell we are going to stop having treats so instead of feeling guilty about it I am going to make some healthier treats, I might even make some yogurt bark OMG to die for lol. I have to talk to my fantastic friend Tim The God as we all call him to see what I should order for my computer, Tim has done all my computer work, been my mechanic and filled my life with all sorts of info, him and his wife have been such a blessing to us, I know I have said this before but we have the most wonderful friends, many times I have asked our friend Bob to come and help me build something or work on the car or just to give me advice on what I want to build and the best part of all is in payment for the help I cut my friends hair for free plus there family's, it's the least I can do, I love the barter system. I would like to have a community garden at my place we have the land to use but not sure how everyone would feel about it, this year I will be putting in a garden for vegetables, I want to grow carrots, spinach, beets, potatoes, chard, and turnip, then I am also putting in a herb garden, there are so many cool idea's about planters for a herb garden, 2 years ago I had herbs growing in children's boots everyone loved it but it wasn't the best idea cause the herbs got to hot and didn't grow very much, this year I think I am going to get some cute dollar store buckets and try that will give my garden some color also cause right now till everything blooms it's all green.  I am sharing some of my chocolate mint plant with a friend of mine, it's really taken off last year so I have enough to share, plus I think I am going to plant some next to our back door cause it smells wonderful.     

It's an exciting day

Today I can hardly wait till my hubby gets home from work because I am hoping he says the income tax came in, it's supposed to be in I got a email telling me, so I am keeping my fingers crossed. Every year we make plans for the check but this year my hubby decided that we are going to split the check between us, so I have a few plans for my amount, first thing first I am making an appointment for our cat with our vet and have her check up, then the next thing I am doing is going shopping, a friend of mine and I are going to make a large amount of meatballs, we love these they are the best I have ever had and it's so much better to make them together and share the cost plus we get to chat and visit at the same time so what a bonus for me cause I don't get very many visitors at my house except family and that is my fault, I tend to lock my life in the house and yard and besides my neighbors I don't reach out to many people to be honest I enjoy being alone and doing things myself most of the time, so all of my interacting with people is done on here and Facebook but this year I am going to try and reach out more it would be nice to share some time with a few friends again. One of my super special gifts to me will be a new computer, I haven't had a new computer in over 24 years so I am due for sure and the best part is a friend of mine is going to build me one so that will keep the cost down for me and leave me with more money for other things I need like cat food, rabbit food, bird food, cat litter oh man the list goes on and on lol. Dean is going to use part of his pay to get all the bills completely paid off so we have a fresh new year, we do that every year plus we put a bit extra, everything helps to get through the next year, and we can finally take the car in to get the muffler put on that has been in the back seat for at least a year hahahaha  I know we should have done it already but other bills just keep coming and I guess it wasn't a priority till now, while the car is getting that done I am going to have them check and see why our lower lights won't come on sometimes, I am pretty sure it's the arm switch so not sure how much that will be to fix but we will have to have it fixed because there is no way we can afford to get another car. We were so blessed to get our Honda my oldest brother gave us the car when they purchased a new one, was a surprise a wonderful surprise for us we had been without a car for a year because as Dean says to everyone I broke the car lol, I didn't it's just my luck to be driving it when a rod went through the motor lol, so when we got the Honda I was so excited it's been such a good car so we want to keep it going as long as it is still safe to drive. Driving has this year started to be very hard for me I haven't had an accident but I find myself getting stressed some times if there is a lot of cars on the road with me and letting Dean drive doesn't make it any easier actually it is worse because I swear he speeds up just before he breaks so every time we have to stop for a light I grab the dash and tense up,which gets on his nerves and the stress get's worse till all I can do is close my eyes and tell him wake me up when we get there hahahahaha. I haven't left Vernon for almost 5 years now because I am terrified to drive out of town, I don't know what happened to start me feeling that way I used to drive to Kelowna and Kamloops a lot in the past and had no problem well I did have some trouble like if I had to go out of town I always left early because I can't eat anything or I will be car sick so I always stopped in Winfield and grab something to eat and then I would wait till I could see Vernon's lights then I could eat, such a pain but I made it that way but now it's just to hard on me to even try, some of my friends and family say to me I should push myself to go just get in the car and go, I wish it was that simple fear is a terrible thing to live with and I hate it so much that it controls a large part of my life, I will not let it take over me I do push myself more and more every year to do things I would never have done for instance this last year I have started to write poems and I also wrote 2 books, my first book is called My Journey, it's my life and everything I have been through, I am very proud of myself for opening up my world to my family and a few select friends it was the hardest thing I have ever done, it was exhausting, scary, wonderful and terrifying to let people read it, I was completely honest about everything so I felt extremely vulnerable and I worried about what they would think of me after reading it but the support was amazing only one person has walked away after reading it and in hindsight I should have known that was going to happen but we live and learn and keep going so that is what I plan on doing. The second book I wrote is called A Tale of  Two Rabbit's  it is a children's book and I am in the process of having it published I will add a link later when it is available, and last but not least is this blog, I have wanted to do one for a long time and I am finding it very positive for me even if no one reads it I am enjoying myself so I think I will continue till that stops but I am hoping that will never happen, cause I like sharing my thoughts and idea's even if it's just to myself hahahahahaha.....   

I cant sleep again

I have a problem with sleeping many of us with depression have trouble sleeping or sleep way to much, my problem is getting to sleep cause I can't shut my head off, I think of all kinds of stuff, some of my better idea's come at 2am but sometimes a lot of guilt and anger shows up, some nights I have restless legs and I have to admit I sometimes pound on my knee's just to numb them enough so I can try and sleep, I take all kinds of stuff to stop them from dancing all night calcium potassium glucosomine ice rub and sometimes a sip of sweet pickle juice, it has to be the sweet not the dill for some reason it works, I love pickles of any kind so we usually have some in the house, I hate to take pain meds because I am already taking enough pills and heat rubs don't do a thing for me the best thing is I go for a hot bath that helps a lot but the only trouble with having a bath is as soon as I lay back on the slanted back I fall asleep there has been many nights I have slept for 3 -4 hours in the tub I only wake up because the water is cold, when we lived in our other home we had a claw tub I could sleep for hours because it held the heat for so long lol. Most nights I am so tired at 7:30pm but by the time 8 comes around I am awake again. My nights go like this I get to bed by 8:30pm if I am lucky I fall asleep for 3 hours then I am up again for 4-5 hours then I can go back to sleep for a bit so I never get proper sleep that's probably why I slept the other day from 3pm till 2am, it's a struggle  I fight just sitting here my left leg is jumping not a good sign will be a long night again cause I have already taken an Advil and put ice rub on all I need now is some pickle juice but we don't have any so guess I am hooped. A person can only go so many days without proper sleep I tend to get snippy and silly sometimes I can't talk properly I will try and say a word like umbrella and I will say brellaum  my friends think it's funny as heck but it's annoying and exhausting, you try and concentrate on every word you speak it gets tiring very fast. well I am yabbering on again I really need to sleep think I will put my white noise on and try very hard to not hear it hahahahaha  night all......  

Has it been two day's yet? lol

feeling sorry for myself right now the sun is shining and it looks so nice outside and here I sit looking out the window but I will be good and stay in the house besides my hubby is home so I can't sneak out hahahaha. I am thinking I will do some coloring for a bit I have found that helps me with my frustrations of not being well enough to go outside, it's that or go back to bed cause I am so bored I don't even want to play xbox it has gotten that bad lol. I'm not sure if anyone is even reading my posts or if I am just jabbering on at myself that's okay I am used to talking to myself I do it a lot, like yesterday I noticed I was telling myself each step I was doing in the barn project right down to saying if I put a nail there I might have a hard time opening the door hahahahaha, my neighbors on the one side of me know all about my chattering but I have new neighbors on the other side I figure by mid summer they will have me all figured out lol. So my hubby is coughing now I figure he will be next to get sick I am amazed he hasn't gotten sick yet cause he works with the public big time and he keeps telling me everyone keep coming to the store sick, poor guy, well he hasn't had any extra days off for about a year now so he is due. What we really needed was some very cold days this winter to kill off all these bugs as much as I hate the cold I would rather not be sick cause it's so damn boring. This morning I started going through all my pictures I am getting ready to do some scrap booking you know the scrap booking I was going to do all winter and just now started funny how I have all these plans for winter and spring is on the way and I haven't done a thing. Well I have done something all winter, I wrote a book it is called A Tale of Two Bunny's I am just finishing up the pictures as soon as I have it done I would like to get it published but not sure how to go about doing that or if it is going to cost a lot to have it done I might just post it on here and my family and friends and anyone else can read it, if anyone has some idea's on what I should do first please let me know, K I am going to run very soon I am getting my eye's tested so I can finally see what the heck I am doing, Have a good one all......

Rabbit Barn

Thought I would post some pictures of the barn I made all by myself for my rabbit's and my doves. 

My wonderful brother gave me a table saw and a chop saw and I found the corner pieces on freescycle they used to be a canopy that collapsed from the weight of snow so they were giving them away and I grabbed them as soon as I saw them, most of the materials I used I had or was given, I got the wood myself but the wire and flooring and roof was given to me, I have the best friends I tell ya. I had an idea of what I wanted to do so I asked my brother and my builder friend what would be best and the next day I started cutting wood and painting, the painting took the longest and maybe putting the wire on was a pain cause it kept falling over as I was stapling it on, under the floor is just some left over treated 2/4s I was given I just laid them down and nailed the flooring to them, it's for sure not flat but it works for us, I was going to redo the floor but I decided to let it be for another year, this way I will have flooring for a few years, I have enough flooring to put a new floor down every year for 3 years if I had to maybe even more. putting the roof on was interesting it is in three pieces and needs to be redone but will be okay for this year, I lifted the front piece and pushed it up from the other end and slid it to were I needed it and nailed it on, my next roof will be larger well have more of a hang over part and will have shingles so no more tarps but I had to use what I could afford or what was given to me and I am happy with what I have for now. I only have 2 rabbit's I lost 2 this winter Lizzy and my baby Deagan, from old age so there is plenty of room for the 3 plus they have the run of my yard during the day so just a bit spoild lol.

Sick of being sick

So yesterday I had the bright idea to go outside and work on my rabbit barn, getting it ready for the rabbit's and the doves to spend the next few months outside again, I was so looking forward to them having a larger space to fly and let the rabbit's run so there I am working for 2 1/2 hours everything was going fine then I coughed and dropped the hammer on my foot hahahahaha well I kept working for another 10 min then I had to come in the house I was beat, you see for the last 3 months I have been fighting a cough then I got pneumonia but I have been feeling better this week so dummy me thought sure I can handle doing this, guess I was wrong came in the house just after 2pm and went to bed and slept till 2 am, guess I wasn't ready but it was such a nice day and I am so sick of being in the house I know excuses excuses lol, my hubby Dean has grounded me for the next 3 days I am not allowed to do anything, I said anything he says damn right quit trying to be 20 years old it's not going to happen hahahahahaha I should be insulted if it wasn't for the concern on his face, so I have sworn to be good for the next 3 days but after that I am going to kick some ass on the barn hahahahahaha.

Thoughts

A friend of mine got me thinking about some stuff that makes us both feel angry about, we both live with our own troubles just like others do and we try to put up with ignorance about depression and anxiety etc, and people with there judgement on us but some days it's just so hard, I don't think these people consider the guilt that some feel for not being I quote Normal, I for one don't need to hear I am faking or taking advantage just because you can't see my disability when you look at me, sometimes when someone asks me how are you I want to say, does it matter, I try to put on my happy face all the time because I feel less of a person to say well today I am not good, many people I would imagine after knowing someone for a while you know that you have to put on a happy face when they ask you because you just don't want to see in the their face that they couldn't care less if you are having a bad day, and if I hear one more person tell me to buck up and get over it I think I will explode I mean I always want to say to them hey let me break your leg and then tell you to buck up and just walk. It's terrible to think that it would be better if my depression would show so I would have an excuse for not having a good day. Depression to me is like an elevator, you wake up in the morning and never know what floor the door will open to, so you lay there for a few min just to get yourself ready to face the day and pray ever so hard that the door doesn't open at the basement, it would be great if when you wake up you could push the button to get to the floor you want but that just doesn't happen, oh sure you can sometimes have enough power to push yourself towards a better floor but some days you can't even get off the elevator let alone a new floor. I don't think anyone who has not been in my world could ever understand just how hard I have to work some day's to just make it through, just getting out of bed sometimes is all I can do and if I can shower and get dressed I have to praise myself for accomplishing only just that. People who live with depression, anxiety or panic attacks don't wake up one day and say out loud oh what I would give to have this in my life, so please keep your judgement tucked away at least until I leave the room because as much as you think you are judging me you can be assured that I am judging myself  far worse then you could ever know.

Good Day Today

So today was a good day I went and got cat food, bird food and carrots for the bunny's and stopped in at a friends for a visit came home 4 hour later hahahahaha, as soon as I walked in the door my hubby say's did you get lost lol and then he tells me to go have a shower cause I stink, I mean how rude is that hahahaha I actually did stink only because both my friends smoke and we both don't but I was happy to put up with the smoke so we could sit and visit for awhile because even though they live just a few min away we don't get to see each other much, because of lack of money I don't get to take the car very much to save the gas for my hubby to get to work so this was a treat for me, but you can tell we haven't talked for a while lol I just hope I didn't talk there ears off to bad, but when you don't see each other very often it's like you have to talk and talk and talk. I am very blessed to have such good friends that understand that leaving the house for me is very difficult some times so when they can they come to visit me but on good days it's nice to be able to drive across town and have a good chat just wish we could do it more often. I wish I could have a Kraft day at my house every month so I can visit with my friends more but they all have lives and things to do so it never seems to happen but summer is coming so maybe we can get together for a couple drinks and sit around the fire now that sounds like heaven right now....