Horrible night

Yesterday was so horrible for us, our cat has had some sores on her belly and I have been treating her and they seemed to be getting better 3 days ago but yesterday morning they spread out all over and so we needed to take her to the vet so friends of mine who T.T. used to live with came and drove her to my friend Anni who is a rescuer and has more knowledge about treatment for her and she will stay with her till tomorrow when she goes to the vets and then I will find out if she will have to be put to sleep or if there is a treatment that will heal her, so as you can imagine I am a mess, didn't sleep at all last night finally had a hot bath at 5am and slept in the tub for an hour and that is it been fighting a headache because of the stress and worry and can't eat so ya today has been difficult to say the least, I miss our baby so much I just want her to come home but I know that she is getting extra care with Anni and will see the vet sooner going with her then if I had to take her because of the cost, thank goodness I have the best friends ever to help me out with all of this because my anxiety and depression is so bad right now I couldn't even go with them to take her and I feel so lost, we have had many animals in our life 5 cats in all but you bond in different ways with each and every one of them but I must say that T.T. has been my life giver to me I have never had a cat so loving and such a wonderful friend, you second guess yourself when something like this happens you do all that you can do for them but still feel like you let them down but I know that I have done all that I can do so it's time to try something else I hope and pray that they can do something to save her but I am not counting on it, it's going to kill me if she has to be put down and we have decided that she is going to be our last cat I just can't handle doing the litter anymore and I am not the kind of person to have an outside cat I just don't believe in doing that it's just not for us so she will be our last and in a way it feels right that she is the last weird maybe but It's how I feel. All my cats have been my loves especially my first cat Skwert I miss her dearly so much every day but T.T. comes in a close second for sure, my life has been so blessed to have had her in it, a miracle would be so wonderful but I also will not wish for her to stay just for me. So I think today is going to be the longest day ever it's a good thing I don't have to go anywhere cause there is no way I could leave the house today I just want to crawl in a hole and hide till I get the news so life right now sucks the big one.....