Kind of sad today

I can't go into details about this but I can say that my last co-op meeting was very difficult for me. When we moved into the co-op I was so excited the rent was so low for such a large space at this time we had Chelsie living with us, was much better then having her share our living room in a 1 bedroom small apartment so we were more then happy to move. As the years have gone by I have learned so much about co-op's and how they are run and the rules to follow, I have been a director 2 separate times for a 3 year term and I would do it again if I was needed but at times like last night it's very hard to want to be involved at all. We have 14 units here so 14 different family's all with different mind sets and attitudes and strengths, a few to many hot heads in the same room is not a fun event lol. With all these different people there is bound to be some conflict at times and I am glad that it doesn't happen a lot but when it does I can't seem to stop it from effecting me so much, there can be a lot of drama and politics in a co-op and even though we have been here 14 years now I still get caught of guard when it happens and takes me a few days to recover and I know it's because my emotions are so raw right now but still I hate meetings like this, mostly I hate that these kinds of meetings have control over me, sometimes I wish I could be cold hearted and just not care so much but that is just not me, I am not perfect by no means but I do try to live my life with truth honor and grace but some days I slip and fall into a conversation with bile in my throat and that is what happened last night, I should be angry with myself but if I am honest it felt good to blow off a bit till I woke up this morning now I feel a bit numb and sad and a bit ashamed and not just for myself, I know I am better then this, we all are better then this, our next meeting in 4 weeks I hope we all can be better to each other cause that is what a co-op stands for and I for one didn't move here for the drama I am way to old to be acting like school kids in a playground fighting over who is more important then the other, did that now move on plz and ty. On another note a friend asked me if I could house some doves, I don't think I will take them on I have 3 right now and they are enough to look after, it's hard when people pass on to others that you are a rescuer and I have been for many years but I am getting tired and plus we can't afford the extra cost of food, it makes me sad and I so wish to have them but I have to say no and for me that is a very hard word to speak but our future at the co-op is not a for sure thing so I will say no and hope someone else will love and take them on.