There are day's that sneak up on me and smack me in the face so hard, I don't know why I am surprised every time it happens, I mean I have got it finally in my head that my depression will be with me always but then I have a couple months of great moods and start to get my hopes up that just maybe this time it will pass me by and wham here I am, sitting in my office chair crying my eyes out stressing about life and such to the point that I just go back to bed and sleep cause that is the only place I can go and not have the anxiety follow, but I fight and I fight because I know if I sleep during the day I will not sleep at night, but today I couldn't handle it anymore so I went back to bed and slept for 2 hours, and why the hell is it so easy for me to sleep during the day and not at night what the hell is up with that? my moods are a bit better at least I am not blubbering all over the place but I still feel yucky, then I had a thought, what is the weather doing? so I go and have a look and I am wondering if a storm is coming cause sometimes I get like this before a storm, man I hope so only time will tell just what will happen, thankfully I have some years dealing with my depression so I know that if the elevator opens on the bottom floor tomorrow I just have to hold on because as soon as I get some more sunlight I will feel better and if it is yucky out tomorrow I will hook up my mood light. My family suffer big time with depression, I am not the only one who fights it every day as do so many other people, it amazes me to this day how many people just don't understand how it is so debilitating, I have one neighbor that believe it or not suffers with depression herself and she has the nerve to say to me get over it!!!
Isn't there always that one person in the bunch that has to be an ass, it's like it is in there day planner okay let's see how many times today I can be an ass lol, as you can imagine we don't get along I have no use for people like that and I have to say I am one of the people who get along with almost everyone I know, just 2 exceptions so I guess I am lucky, I have a friend who lives far away from me and she struggles with her friends, she does all the work we all know those kind of people, most would tell her to get rid of them but because I know how hard it is for her to meet people I told her to limit contact with them, before she calls or sees any of them just make sure she isn't looking for something out of there time just have a non commitment chat as I call them lol, and well it helped her big time now she knows who to call for support and who to call just to gab or catch up on the gossip lol. I love to gossip I won't lie, I am good at keeping secrets but I have gotten in the habit of asking if what the persons says to me is not to pass on lol especially in the co-op one neighbor might tell me something and want to also tell other neighbors about it so they come to me, that sounds terrible but what I mean is if it's a good day I am always outside working in my yard or working on the co-op's grounds and this is why I love my neighbors many times I am working on a project on the what we call common grounds area and most times a neighbor will come out and ask if they can help or they bring me a drink and take a break with me it's at that time that we have a good laugh and ask each other if there is news to pass on. This year will be different I think I hate to say it but I have to stop taking on the big jobs by myself anymore, my hands just can't handle all the work I get tired way faster and then I don't have any energy to do my own housework or garden, but I will still be doing some stuff I can't just sit and do nothing on a good day, just as long as I don't get heatstroke cause as soon as that happens I have to stay out of the sun for days, but I have already started drinking my peppermint tea and is it ever so good I am glad I saved it for summer time I enjoy it more this way. This year I am going to design a leg strap of some sort to hold my jug of tea and have it with me at all times, cause if I have to carry it I will put it down and walk away from it, I wonder if I can fit something on my tool belt, what a great idea, that's a plan tomorrow I am going to work on setting up my tool belt. So I already feel better cause I have a plan and some time's a girl just needs to vent, I heard something a few years ago that I totally believe and that is everyone has a dump truck that collects crap all the time and sometimes you have to unload it so it doesn't suffocate you, so this is me unloading hahahahahaha......
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