Once again I take the high road

There are times when I think being a bitch is called for but it's not me it's not who I want to be so like so many times in my life I have stood up and been the adult and taken the higher road on a disagreement, don't get me wrong I am hurt and I am pissed off loads but I wrote a poem awhile ago and it is called Foul taste and it kind of says it all, it's about a conversation with someone who has hurt me and the foul words that came out of my mouth in return because I acted on anger and emotion instead of stepping back and thinking first before spitting these foul words out and then regretting it after, yes every once in awhile you let loose and just spat in anger and at the time you may feel powerful and that you were in the right so for about an hour I was walking around well stomping and crying not cause I was weak but I cry when I am very mad and I kept saying they deserved it they deserved all the crappy things I said cause they hurt me, then when I have had some time to reflect on what happened being who I am and what I am about I start to feel sick to my stomach for acting that way and more then a little ashamed at myself. I agree with standing up for yourself and not letting yourself be walked over and respecting yourself enough to know you were treated wrong and there is no excuse in the world for anyone to be treated that way, that I am all for it's just the aftermath that bothers me, the feeling of shame knowing what I should have done is just walk away cooled down and then voice my hurt feelings in a clam and direct but fare way. I don't want to be a person who justifies rudeness just because I was dealt it myself, someone who is confident in themself enough to let the words just pass on by, doesn't mean anything, I am in fact a better person then them because I didn't feel the need to react to the anger and see right away that what they said isn't really directed at me it's just maybe the moment the straw has hit the fan for this person and I just was there to receive the outcast voice of build up, is it right that it happened, no not at all, do I understand how it can happen, yes for I have been there, does it hurt less knowing this, not yet, am I going to take the high road and be the bigger person and talk in a clam voice and explain how when what was said my interpretation of what was said meant this, yes tomorrow though not today because if it is done today I will cry because I am so emotional right now and it's all raw at this point but most of all I am strong enough to know that this person might take my tears as weakness and I am not weak I am hurt, will I forgive, yes probably but I also will not forget, I will be on guard about our conversations and not feel free to just speak about anything and that is the worst part of this whole mess, I have what you would call guarded friendships unfortunately through the years I have more and more, it's sad for me that this friendship will belong to that group but I will take the higher road once again and do my best to be the person I am striving to be for me and no one else.........